So I finally made it to the gym. I was one of only two people wearing a shield and not a mask. God I can’t believe how out of shape I am. 2 years is a huge set back cardiovascularly speaking. I couldn’t even muster up a light jogging pace. But that leaves a lot of room for growth. So that’s something to look forward to.
It got me to thinking staring at all the masks that I wonder if mouth porn is more of a thing or if blowjob’s are a more sought after category of porn. After all it’s like forbidden fruit. You can see the mouths of those that live with you but all other mouths are mostly shielded and therefore off limits.
And being the rebellious sort that we humans can be I imagine that looking at mouths now is like looking at thighs in the 20’s. One may feel a little naughty doing it; and feeling naughty inspires many an orgasm.
Just a funny thought. I can’t help but laugh at how the human mind works sometimes.
Brad and I were discussing our “relationship” over dinner. I said “I still don’t think you understand how this works”. To which he says “I think you’re right. Tell me again.”
And I laid it all out:
“I do and say as I please. You, however, must watch what you say and do.”
He sneered back at me telling me how he starts to get resentful of that and then it boils over and we break up. Then he misses me so much he is willing to do whatever I say.
Which isn’t really true. He is “willing to put up with me” is what he means. He rarely actually does what I say.
And here we are. I don’t think he realizes how resentful I am of him. I invested all this time and energy and emotion. I tried to help him sort out his life and instead watched it get so much worse due to his complete inability to make good decisions and keep moving forward in life. Let alone all his empty promises to me.
It’s fine. But this was the last lesson I needed on trying to (help)/fix a man. From this point forward I know I want a man that either A) has his shit together or B) actually listens and is willing to be the beta to my alpha. Preferably both of course. Why not?
Because, truthfully, even if a man has his shit together and knows what he wants I still expect him to defer to me in the relationship. That is how I roll and it is a non-negotiable. And honestly I’m willing to forge it alone, and just have fun when and where I can, than be miserable trying to become someone I’m not or fit in some little box of who I’m expected to be. Yuck!
I definitely am missing my Domme days, my Domme attire, my Domme persona. But she’ll be back. I just have to lick my wounds for a second and find my bearings again.
And then we shall see who I find that is truly the right fit for me. 🤤⛓️🤤⛓️🤤