I am trying so damn hard to stay positive
It’s not just the pandemic, the social and political unrest, the fires, online school, the ex, Brad, my own health and financial issues……
I also have to worry about my mental health and the well-being of my children.
Jeezus H. Christ
I know we can bare a lot in life. Not that I believe that whole “you aren’t given more than you can handle” crap. I think that’s just something people tell you to make themselves and whoever they are telling it to feel better. But that’s far from the truth.
As much as I can tell… in life sometimes you’re put through hell and if you come out of it alive maybe you learn something valuable and even more important is the hope that it didn’t break your spirit or turn your soul towards revenge, anger, and evil.
I need a change of scenery. I need to get out of this 400 square foot stale and smokey space for a bit, while the ex takes the kids. Brad offered to let me come over. He has a good air filtration system and a washer/dryer. I’ll take that opportunity to go to storage and pull out my needles and cheap yarn.
I don’t see knitting as a life skill as much as a just a calm pastime. Something to do. Might even help me be able to tolerate podcasts, vlogs and books on tape better having additional mental tasks to handle so I don’t get excruciatingly bored, like I usually do with them.
Life feels so out of my control right now. Mother nature would have it no other way I suppose. Keeping it real. Not to the extent of “Naked and Afraid” very fortunately, but definitely reminding me I’m not in the driver seat of this whole experience. I’m more like the navigator, plotting out and changing course based on what presents itself, but one that has absolutely no foresight of what’s coming ahead.
Brad and I set some ground rules: no political talk, no alcohol, and a few others. See if this works. I have my doubts but I also don’t have a lot of other options right now on places to go where I feel comfortable and wanted.
This all shall pass. I just have to get my kids and I through this as gracefully and sanely as I can.