Why I think Trump is an idiot.

I’ve never once purposely wanted to hurt someone*. I’ve never hated someone because of their appearance or what gender they are dating/fucking*. I’ve never admonished people for how they were raised. They most often had absolutely no choice. That’s reality. I try to live there …. regardless of how ethereal my thinking people think I have or may not have. So hatred is not my forte. I don’t understand a man with so much hatred he thinks a wall will help. I don’t understand a man with so much hatred he can’t be compassionate at all, in any circumstance because of the way a person looks and where they came from. He can’t claim to be any kind of religion, especially not a Christian one. I get hypocrisy, but I just don’t get hatred and that’s why I think Trump is an idiot. It doesn’t mean I hate the man. Honestly I’d gladly have lunch with him. He is still the president, he has done a decent job….all things considered. I don’t give him all the credit though. A lot of people, entities, officials and offices also spin the wheels. I’m ok with the man in theory. I just wish he said what he meant and meant what he said a bit more….. But I guess that’s politics. I’ll give him his few years more…than “hasta la vista baby”. 💋

(Update: funny thing just occurred to me …maybe that’s his whole thing about the wall. We all must pick our own battles.)

*Except for age, consent and desire. (Yes desire. Grow up.)

——

A couple nights later

I’m going to say it was a coincidence that this blog was about Trump and it got visited twice after I hid it from view. Strange that it has never happened with another blog of the hundreds I hide right after publishing them. Maybe I’m the dumb one. Maybe this is some I.T. stuff I’m not in the know. Maybe the Utah Data Center captures takes time to recapture and catalog things that say Trump. I honestly don’t know if that thought scares or amazes me. Anyway. Here it is. Curiosity killed some cat. So…….. republished. (No kitties were harmed in the making of this blog. ðŸĪŠ)

Pray

Gratitude

Forgiveness

Compassion

–&-&

Is anyone listening?

Echo echo echo

—–

I’m not aiming to be a fucking Messiah

I just wish everyone lived free from the shackles in their own mind

I mean even me here…..let’s not kid ourselves. I know we are all no different when it comes to the nature of our deepest soul spirit.

I hold in high regard the deepest soulless one, the Devil if you will. Having met with it myself. I do not call it forward. I humbly bow and call God to grace. Call God to grace. Revert to title of blog please.

Johnny’s Prompt

Words

Regurgitation of the infinite degree

What is said?

Passages of remembrances

Inescapable pain

In blood on paper

In thought

Hoisted on a cross

See me!

Can you feel me?

Am I here?

Melting

Dreading to live

Fearing to die

Is anyone there?

Auuuuuggghhhhh

Screaming

Dreaming

Fading

Surviving

Drowning in my own despair

Swallow me alive

Spit me out whole

No one cares

Not even me

anymore

Words?

What words

It all means nothing

And yet

What else can it be

I must draw meaning from something

From someone

From somewhere

Or waking up would be useless

If I am even awake at all

Embrace it/mentor, sleep better, glory hole

Long boring ruminations. You’ve been warned. Lol

That verbage”embrace it” keeps coming up in my current journey. Luckily it not only reinforces my beliefs it also gives me great comfort. Maybe in that…. I have known about this my entire life…it has been waiting for me….and now is the time to fully embrace it. On that same note…I think it’s a good time for a mentor. I think I am pretty clear on who I am and I need someone that understands what I am capable of and can help guide me.

I like Pranic Healing in the fact that it safeguards the healer. I did not care for their lesson on Karma. It is my absolute firm belief from my own direct experience as well as other teachings that we can get off the karmic hamster wheel, but that’s a different discussion.

I liked the instructor very much and I want to reconnect for sure. We shall see. Maybe she can suggest a mentor. She made a good point that some students are habitual lookie-loo’s, never bonding to any one modality. My stance is that this journey has to be tailored to my spiritual needs and I will not waiver from where my heart and spirit guide me and what they believe to be true.

It all can feel a bit overwhelmingly complicated so living moment to moment helps. Takes the strain off trying to forsee how it must go and just let’s it go how it’s meant to. I’m here for the ride. Tally ho

—–

Today I remembered that an eBay buyer gave me their shipping number so they could save some money. I told them to let me know the product arrived safely and I would credit them the shipping they had already paid me. This was before Christmas and I have not heard from them. I owe them upwards of $100. So now I must take the time to ask them about the package and return their money if all is well. Honestly, this doesn’t have a lot to do with Karma. I just sleep better at night doing what I believe to be the right thing. There is the caveat.

What I believe to be the right thing may or may not be the legal, religious, moral, common or the logical way… it is what my heart dictates for me to be able to sleep with a clear conscience. Now fortunately these all mostly seem to align by coincidence anyway.

I’m truly grateful that I’ve been very fortunate in life in that when I’ve had to accept culpability the price I’ve paid has been generally pretty negligible. The three (yes 3) times I’ve hit parked cars and left a note with an apology and my #, I’ve not received a call.

Honestly I like sleeping and I like sleeping well. I love waking up refreshed and ready for a new day. So a lot of what I do is just about that. Lol. Not to say I always do the right thing, but I try. I’m no different than anyone else. Sometimes difficulties arise. I figure if I’m trying my best that’s all that can be asked of me. Some days my best looks a lot like not much at all. I’m not here trying to win any contests.

I have nothing to prove. My best doesn’t have to look like anything more than whatever it is. I don’t need to push myself always….I just need to sometimes allow it to be what it is. Sometimes that’s better than anything I could have even imagined and sometimes it’s not. Life is curiously funny that way.

——

Brad wants to go to a glory hole this weekend. It skirts the exhibitionist line I didn’t want to cross until we made love, but we’ll put in a session of trying and I’ll give him a bone. Lol

I am not sure how to tackle this one. I’ve gone once before and it was fun but I went with male friend in the role of a sub or vanilla and I gave a minute hand job to a stranger. I’ll retell that story to you all one day.

In this case I think I want either Brad to suck a cock or someone to suck his cock which puts me in more of Domme role. Do I dress up? I do so enjoy doing that and haven’t in a long time. My wig is feeling very neglected.

I want to at least get a handle on my own persona before we go….get into my role. From there we can just see what happens. He says there is one near his house he has never been to. I joked and told him they probably know him by name like Norm in Cheers. Hope it’s clean. I’ve been going to these places since I was 18. Luckily they are a lot more girl friendly than they used to be. Read: clean, bright, professional. Lol

I’m kind of excited. Gotta go. Client soon. 💋💖

Cat Stevens – if you want to sing out

Virginia

Brad talks about moving to Virginia, building a house on his dad’s property. Remote enough to be able to walk around naked freely, yet close enough to the city and people to socialize and get needs met. He makes it sound so idealic. He also makes it sound like neither one of us would have to actually work for a living. Which means I could write my books, take care of my kids and family, myself, maybe pick up gardening like I’ve been talking about for years. (Have lots and lots of sex. Shhhhhhh)

I could also potentially offer this healing on a donation basis. That way I could see for myself the efficacy based around the donations and “gifts” received. That would put the proof in the pudding.

It sounds like a much calmer and sweeter life; especially without financial stress. No life is completely free of stressors, but they are easier to handle when you live a serene life. Not to say we still won’t have deviancy. I explained to him how important community is to me. I haven’t managed to find it yet here that much but that is a goal no matter where I am.* I want not just a deviant community, but I want to grow and live in a community of people that I can consider like family.

He assured me there was a deviant community there that was well established albeit much more underground than the one here in Portland.

It sounds great in theory, but I’m just going day to day here. Still trying to find a naturopath to work with. I may have to use money as an incentive. I didn’t want to, but it may come to that. I’m not sure the issue really. Do naturopaths not know or understand colon hydrotherapy and The Gerson Therapy? Is there some fear associated with this? Fear of the unknown? Fear of the strange murders? In life it seems to be a lot about networking. I’ve found that to be both good and bad. It closes off opportunities sometimes to the detriment of all.

Truthfully, I’m not really interested in the reason beyond just trying to troubleshoot it. My business is already expanding, but this is a needed step. I can feel it deep in my gut.

I suppose I just keep the door open and keep moving forward. Believing there is a way, that it is possible, that spirit will align. If not this way then in the way it needs to manifest. I’m open to this wild adventure. Going day by day, moment by moment, breath by breath, heartbeat by heartbeat. What else is there to this?

—-

*Too many factors to pin it on just one thing and too much brain activity to figure out why right now. Guess I haven’t made it a priority even though I have tried.

Jaded autopilot

I was talking to my psychologist about this. We were specifically discussing the difficulties of dating. Not only do we contend with a lot of “baggage” but so many walk around on this negative, bitter, and jaded autopilot. It makes it to where people don’t even want to try, or put in real effort. Almost like they’ve given up before they’ve really tried. Maybe I’m just speaking of some experiences with my own age group.

Of course this can be extrapolated beyond dating. Dialogue, especially self dialogue can be so damaging to ones spirit and the spirit of the world. It affects everything. There is a theory in science that the observer changes what is observed. I absolutely believe that to be true but it goes even beyond that. The thoughts, the intentions whether purposeful or not also change the outcome. They affect everything. The butterfly affect starts with a single thought, a single feeling, a subtle shift. I’m grasping this more and more every day.

One day I may no longer blog. I may just live each moment without rumination or thought process. Living in the splendor of each new breath. Wonder what that would look like? Lol

Who am I kidding though. I love to write. 😋