Statues, flags and symbols of history

What the fuck is wrong with people? Why is it so easy for people to fell prey to the us vs them dichotomy?

We are ALL human beings, having a truly extraordinary experience in this place and time together. Why is it that people who are intrinsically the same; at the very least the same species can be so damn cruel to each other?

As human beings with a lifeline to Divinity and these miraculous hearts and souls housed within bodies that are such magnificent machines of marvel, we are capable of so much more than vile and unnecessary hatred.

Let me clarify something in really easy terms.

Statues and flags are objects. They do not stand for anything more than whatever you give them credit for. They are NOT anyone’s heritage. Because heritage can not be taken away. Just as if you destroy a statue of Jesus it does not destroy the religion. That’s just plain idiocy.

Relocate them. Put them in a museum. Let the people that want a say have a fucking say.

If these images hurt a group of people, if to them they symbolize hatred and oppression why wouldn’t we want to get rid of them?

People are of more value than idiotic symbols. And a president that values these images as more important than people is a president I now very strongly oppose.

And those corporations and leaders that are paying a lot of lip service to something without actually doing much are just as bad, like closing their ad campaigns which is just a way for them to save a lot of money and look like they actually care.

I’m so sick of the lip service of everyone. When is the last time you, any of you, actually went and helped a fellow human being out? Took the time to listen to someone and help them? Especially someone in the marginalized category, someone you’re not related to and doesn’t look or act like you?

This country is acting like my surly teenager. Who I asked why are you always grumpy with me? And her response was “you almost never have anything nice to say”. And I said “well…the only time you ever talk to me nicely is when you want something, so this goes both ways”.

I didn’t mention that she walks out of this house half naked most days, that she defies her curfew and has started using ommission to get away with what could be construed as lies. Because that would be adding fuel to the fire and these are the things I have already discussed with her which she is tallying up against me.

But she is being selfish and only seeing things from her point of view. When we are a family. We need to cohabitate in order for both our lives to be optimal. Which is why I wanted to address the issue head on. This is my own battle right now.

But when will people come to their fucking senses and realize we are better, stronger AND HAPPIER together? Working in symbiosis, each group and sector has something of value to add to the world and together we could accomplish true miracles.

I really don’t know what people expect. But at the rate this is going I think I may need to find somewhere else in the world to hang my hat. Somewhere I will be accepted for the color of my skin. Somewhere that will be a completely irrelevant thing. At this point in time I struggle to think where that can be.

And all because people value what they think they are losing over the pain and suffering of fellow human beings. It’s impossible to try to segregate the world. As we have seen from this pandemic we are too interconnected. Even if we tried people would defy it. So what would be the use to even try.

I just can’t wrap my head around the stupidity of people that have hearts and brains and souls and refuse to use them to consider others. Refuse to do anything more than placate themselves for being in the right and dig their head further in the sand. That don’t actually do anything worthy of anything for anyone but themselves and “theirs”.

I’m sick of people buying into the frenzy of hatred and defending it with something as stupid as “heritage”. Jeezus fucking Christ. This is a Christian country?

I used to not like the song “Wake me up when it’s all over”, because it sounded defeatist and depressing to me. One has to live their life to its fullest; all parts, good and bad. But I think I finally understand the sentiment.

I don’t know where this is going. But if people don’t start to push back on the narrative that is being shoved down their throats and start opening their hearts and actually doing things to bridge the gaps between us I can’t imagine it getting better.

And it’s sad because we have the capacity to make this world truly fucking extraordinary and yet we let ourselves get swept away in the gutter with all the other idiots. Some of them at least have an agenda, a reason for the destruction they seek. Most everyone else is just a fucking sheeple following along on a tethered leash. And that goes for all sides unfortunately.

And I’m done for the day.

Just done.


I don’t give a fuck

I know that we are social creatures and as such we have vested interest in what people think of us.

I’m amazed to find out that I’m not as invested as I thought I was. I have been making a few comments on reddit threads. Points where I go against the self congratulatory affirmations the writter pontificates. And things that generally go against the grain.

Like how while I detest cancel culture at the same time people should be held accountable for what they say and do. How maybe we are going through a societal overcorrection period but one that is very long overdue. And we have to maybe ride this out for a bit and let the pendulum swing back to center on its own before dismissing the entire movement of the pendulum altogether.

Which just makes fucking sense to me.

Like how even though we are required to wear masks* and get vaccines that ultimately I should have control over my own body, being the only thing I was born with and am fully in charge of. Does that mean there should be no consequences for my actions? No. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have a say and ultimate control. It is my body.

So no I don’t want vaccines and if I choose to not wear a mask that’s my prerogative. So if that means I can’t go to Costco or join the military or travel to a 3rd world country so be it. Those are my acceptable consequences. I have so little control and so little true freedom in this world that I’m not letting the world take control of my body too. I’m sorry. I’m just not.

The freedom to think my own thoughts, speak my own mind and have control of my own body is all we really have left and even then it seems under constant assault.

So as you probably could guess I have many downvotes on my replies and I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about it at first but I actually feel perfectly alright with it.

Listen I know I can be outlandish, self-righteous, scornful, in-your-face about the thing I believe. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I know that the most views I get on my blog are usually for sexual content, which is only a small part of my overall self.

I know I can turn people off with my grandiose sense of self sometimes. I find it funny really, because I know myself. I mean no one any harm. I’m just here being an idiot human, making human mistakes and living my very human life. Ultimately I really like myself, so other people’s opinions don’t tend to rattle me too much. And that I think is a truly joyous thing.

I’m going to be staying off my device for the next month while I work on all my projects and getting us moved. I’m going to try and stay off social media as much as possible too. Although I like the news and memes and staying informed sometimes I feel all I need to know to succeed in life I already know, deep inside.

Here I leave you with a bunch of memes. Enjoy the beautiful day❣️

Here is a yelp review someone left for my business. I have no idea why this person left this. It’s so obviously generic. Just strange. πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ Maybe wishing them peace and happiness was an overreach but obviously something has crawled into their knickers and made them idiotic.

Biofilm is notoriously hard to mitigate. It is the root cause to why your immune system can’t autocorrect and disease spreads. Theoretically if they can transport drugs they can also transport antibodies and natural herbs and remedies, not just drugs. But this research is probably funded by and for pharmaceutical companies so πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ.


*I am wearing a mask. I feel it’s the right thing to do but I am using this as an example.

Soul meter

I was thinking today, talking to my daughter that I wish we all had video displays like in the game Sims or Webkinz where it shows our hunger level, mood level, tired level, but a display that also included our spiritual level.

I was explaining this to the teenager who told me she spent last night trying to reason with a Trump supporter on social media that was defending Trump’s racist remarks to no avail. She had wanted him to see the correlation between the unrest in the US right now and blatant racism. The man went as far as to say that the lynching of black men recently had nothing to with the color of the their skin or racism and at one point she just gave up.

I explained to her that people take their political views very personal and any attack on these ideals is a personal attack on them and they feel obligated to defend them at almost any cost.

I put forth that until people learn to truly see the weight of their thoughts and actions on their very own souls nothing will truly change. Because it takes people doing a genuine self assessment and wanting to change to make lasting change happen. Changing laws is good but will only go so far.

I explained to her that we factually do indeed have soul meters. It is our auras and that we could train ourselves to see them if we tried and I explained to her how. I explained that each color of an aura and the size and strength all say something about the character of a persons soul.

But that we have lost the ability to see this. An ability I truly believe we all possessed at one time. Just like the ability to read each other’s minds or mind meld, as Spock would say. An ability to see and understand each other in dimensions far beyond just the 5 senses.

We still have our gut instinct, fortunately. But if we tuned in to our psychic and spiritual selves more we would have a much more vast arsenal of tools at our disposal, to truly help us and make this life so much better.

And it is available to us is the saddest part. But we aren’t taught this. In fact, in my opinion society is being purposefully driven away from these abilities. I believe we are purposefully being stripped of them by a constant assault of pollutants formulated against our bodies, minds and spirits.

But I feel like I’m screaming into an empty forest when I say these things. Things that I feel and know to the very depths of my soul to be true but that I don’t feel many others understand or care to believe.

I get that it’s much easier to just see what you’re taught to see. And I get that it’s hard enough to play this game of life within the parameters we are aware of. Let alone to look outside of those.

But I believe so strongly that in this world the only thing of true importance is the connection we have to Divinity and the part of that we each carry inside; given to us in the form of a soul that we then each individually get to take care of and either foster or neglect.

I believe each of us at the end will come to see that this is the only test we truly had here.

All that all the rest is just smoke and mirrors.

But it’s no use to keep screaming this into the forest, because the forest already knows these things.


“You white people”

I said it today. I said it out loud; not just in my head. I said it and I meant it. And of course the person I said it to (a person of “white” skin) took great offense to it.

I said “you just don’t get it, you white people don’t have anything similar I can point to so I can make you understand how it feels”.

We were talking about Aunt Jemima and nooses. Symbols of oppression and a history people like to shuffle under the rug, within a society that still very much operates with racism built into its every day fabric.

There is no burning cross, white pointy hats or swastika symbols to inspire immediate fear in your body and soul. That remind you of the hatred, vile words and actions that have been tossed at you during your life for no other reason than the color of your skin.

There is no symbol of absolute hatred of you because of something as uncontrollable as an organ of your body.

There just isn’t. There is nothing to equate the level of hatred, violence and every day verbal assaults people of color endure. And that’s just the things that we are aware of. The things said and done to our faces; as opposed to the horrible things said, the opportunities never given and the statistical disproportionality we endure that we aren’t even aware of; simply because our skin tone in darker.

There is nothing I can make someone of white skin and Anglo background feel equivalent to this. Because it simply doesn’t exist.

And I am so sick of having to explain racism and how it feels. How it has affected my life in so many ways. I just can’t do it anymore and all this does is make me want to retreat further away from people; from all people.

It makes me want to retreat further into myself and away from the entire world. It doesn’t make me angry because that’s not how I like to respond to life. But it does make me sad; so very truly, deeply sad.

When it comes down to it, I think I’ve just reached a point in my life where I am truly just so very sick and tired of having to explain the injustices of the world to people. And I just don’t think I have it in me anymore to even try.

And I’m sorry I said what I did. I really am. It was a bit uncalled for. I absolutely know white people aren’t the only racist. White people are not to blame for all the travesties of this world.

Because I blame ALL people for that. I blame hatred, fear, lack of compassion and empathy, hypocrisy, selfishness, egotism, greed, lying and turning a blind eye for the ills of this earth.

And I think right now I am glad I have the opportunity to retreat from the world for a bit. I’m busy enough with my own issues in life to not have to pay much mind to the chaos around me. I think right now I really need to stabilize myself and self soothe. Away from the cacophony of the bullshit going on in the world.

I have just this one life and I can’t let anyone color it in for me. I can’t let the insidious nature of hatred come calling for me, no matter how justified it may seem. Because that just isn’t me.

So I will let this walk be done by people more invested in the narrative than I am. Because those aren’t the bones I want to pick anymore. I’m done, done caring.

Humanity has such a very, very long way to go spiritually and……. it’s a fight few people seem willing to take on; championing for the redemption of their own soul. But all I can do is fight for my own. It’s all I can really do anymore.

Solving my own puzzle

I watched the movie I spoke of yesterday and I realized I have deeply admired very few historical women in my life. Probably from lack of learning about many of them, but all the same. The few I have held in high regard and felt a kindred spirit to all have one amazing thread.

They believed deeply in God and felt a strong inner connection to the Divine and let that be a dominant part of their existence. What drove them to be who they were and do what they did.

Joan of Arc, Hellen Keller, Mother Theresa, Harriet Tubman.

This is the commonality. They let their faith and courage lead them. They had a belief so strong that it catapulted their lives from being marginal or memorable to being truly extraordinary.

I hadn’t seen this before. I hadn’t seen the thread that reaches inside and tugs at me as well.

I have been speaking to God a lot lately, more than usual. I have been trying to learn more, do more, be more connected. That is what gives me the most clarity in life. That is what grounds me spiritually and gives me true joy.

I don’t know that I can put myself on equal standing with these great women. I don’t know that I will lead a crusade, give dignity to those shunned and left to rot by society, inspire the world to care more for each other, or lead people to salvation.

I only truly know that I will follow wherever God leads and needs me. And I will keep speaking my truth and keep trying to be an example of the ideals I hold dearly in my heart.

And I hope you all find your own inner source of love and connection to Divinity and that it may it guide you towards the true happiness and peace you deserve❣️


If I was Your Girlfriend – Prince

I love that song. I’ve always loved it.

Irs funny that it came onto my playlist today. I was just thinking how I’m not sure I believe in Happily Ever After anymore.

Not in the movie way. More in the way of finding a life partner, that is your best friend. Someone who you can each be your best selves with but has enough love and compassion to accept and love you when you may be at your worst. Someone who you can stand against the world with and will be there for you through thick and thin.

So in that sense. I still don’t know that it will ever come for me. And the older I get the less I feel capable of even knowing what a healthy, happy, sane relationship is supposed to look and feel like.

I know right now is not the time to be looking and thinking of that anyway. I have enough on my plate.

My ex husband recommended the dating app Hinge. Lol. Who knows why? We aren’t really friends and he turns into a huge asshole when he’s dating and I’m pretty sure he hates it when I date other men so πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ.

But I still do love that song.


White Signs at Black Protests | Vanity Fair

I like and understand this Vanity Fair post. I absolutely get their fear and anger, but I don’t get their dismissal of white people trying.

They are trying!! Give them some credit please. It’s better than the alternative.

Yes. We have a long way to go for equality, peace, true beneficial cohabitation between human beings of all different variations.

But let’s not dismiss those that are trying to help, those that are trying to understand, those that are trying to make a difference.

We have to start to bridge these gaps somewhere. Let’s all have compassion and acceptance for each other and help walk each other home.

Barr saying police racism isn’t a thing is easy to do when you’ve never been on the wrong side of that transaction. So I find his opinion moot and consider it decisive and hurtful. To not acknowledge the truth many people have to live with on a daily basis because it simply doesn’t apply to you; it’s beyond incompassionate, it’s downright cruel.

Like Pence saying he doesn’t believe racism even exists (not in those exact words) but in using the words he did to defend not saying “black lives matter”.

I pity these man. They obviously are trying to run an agenda of hate for some reason. God save their souls before it’s too late and while they can still be a champion for true change and compassion in this world.

God bless everyone!


Father’s Day – Appreciation for who one is

Father’s day is a bit of a painful holiday for me. Usually because my own dad is never around, which was much more painful as a kid but still.

And now that I’m a single mom and I won’t go into the issues with my ex but having to also “play the part” of father most days isn’t really easy. Now obviously I expect no recognition this day. None.

But as I wrote my dad a Happy Father’s day email this morning it occurred to me that I know this man well. I know his faults. I know his triumphs. I know his weaknesses and I know his joys. I know the size of his ego and the price for his loyalty. Which is why I have always considered myself lucky to be his daughter and had the utmost sympathy for his mates. Lol

He isn’t a bad guy. You take all he has done wrong and reel it together and he could be considered pretty despicable. You put a sequence together of all his good actions and he could maybe be considered a saint. He is neither. He is just a man, just my father. I know who he is and I love him, inspite of it, because of it, neither really matter.

The way I see it… there are few people in our entire lives who will truly know us. Know our deepest skeletons and our major flaws, know how hard we try, where we succeed and where we fail, how hard it is or how hard we take it. Can see through the entire saga of our dramedy and love us all the same or all the more.

And what I can say….the best thing I can tell him is that I truly do love and appreciate him in my life.

So to all the dad’s out there.

Happy Father’s Day!



Monday will be my last client for colon hydrotherapy; officially. I may return to work for Jill if she gets a PPP loan. I told her PayPal was still taking applications and you don’t have to be a member. They were really quick at giving me a hard pass. Lol

So anyways….. effective Tuesday I will begin micro-dosing THC. Luckily it is very legal and at the doses I will be taking I will still be able to function normally. I’m talking a smear of a syringe. Right now I need this to cope with life. I need this to help me with anxiety, pain management, insomnia, stress, body aches, headaches (redundant I know); not to mention how it helps with the effects and symptoms of Covid-19 or SARS-CoV-2 as it’s called now. πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ

The effects of hypoxia which I can not seem to get away from. It’s so odd how sensitive I am to it. I am fine. I self manage myself fine. I am lucky. My body gets better and better at staving off symptoms. I hope this isn’t any long term damage I sustained from having had it. Which I am absolutely positive I must have and was completely unaware or unsure of what was going on.

There was talk of apocalypses. It was all so confusing and distressing at first. It took awhile to believe or understand it. I guess maybe we will one day know the truth about this whole thing.

Meanwhile thank fucking God for THC. It’s my anti-depressant and my antianxiety and my sleeping pills and my migraine medicine and my relax with a glass of wine you barely sip on by the fire and my it’s gonna be alright pill or “I’m alright” pill. No wait. They don’t make those yet. Do they?

Well regardless we will call this nature’s recipe.


I used to have this ceramic piece of art of God laughing at one. Like a grimacing God half rolling his eyes. With a tinge of happiness at the stupidity of it all. Like maybe he was on the cusp of laughing and hoping you’d laugh along to but was going to laugh regardless.

It was surreal to me. I enjoyed it. It made me smile. Maybe the morbid part of me could laugh at that.

But I do sometimes think we all take ourselves way too God damn seriously. And pot helps me deal with that. βœŒπŸ½πŸ˜‚πŸ™πŸ½πŸ’‹πŸ₯°πŸ€—βœŒπŸ½