Calm, cool and collected – A.A.A.

How do you remain fearless in a world that wants you to be always afraid? In a world that seems to always be against one.

Well…..I ended up watching Casablanca yesterday and I’m taking a cue from the ever iconically cool Humphrey and Bergman. I’ve boiled it down to a 3 step process. Four if you count breathing, but since you have to do that anyway me telling you to breath calmly and deeply seems to not count. I’ll leave it up to you though.

3 steps:




First one must acknowledge the fear, the anxiety, apprehension, pain, distress, or whatever is.

Then one must accept it. It exists. Whether in your mind or in reality it is manifesting so it needs acknowledgment and acceptance that IT IS…..even things that solely exist with yourself still are real to you. They want and deserve to be acknowledged and accepted.

Only after you have done these two can you move to a place of appreciation. Look! Shitty things happen. Shitty things are felt, experienced, known, done, etc. It is inevitable. But if we can acknowledge and accept this we can move on to finding some gratitude. Darkness can not exist without light. One exists to contrast the other. We live in a world of opposition. A karmic wheel of balance, even if we don’t get to see the balance adjustments in our lifetime it exists. The price must be paid; forward, backward, in real time…it collects.

But in order to draw peace and hopefully happiness we must find the part we can appreciate in the equation. Without that gratitude; without being able to focus on the positive we may lose the entire lesson and almost inevitably bitterness follows.


I’ve been realizing over the last few days that my own anxiety derails positive outcomes. I can get so anxious and wrapped up in my own head that I don’t allow what is meant to be to be. I’ll bring up a simple case in point. I take my computer’s to a nice man that works out of his house. I like him. He is super smart. Self taught. He has a very interesting and eclectic background. He is what I consider a true geek. Essentially someone who relates to and communicates better with and through technology more so than to human peers.

I took in the teenagers laptop so he could look at it. It had taken a small dive off my bed when the 6 year old was jumping on it and refused to turn on. I sat and watched him tinker with it and explain a few things as he went for 20 minutes or more. All the while I’m hungry and wondering if I should leave it and exit or stay and hope it’s a quick fix. It’s about an hour to closing and he was fully engrossed in this new project I gave him without much feedback. So I calmly breathed through it and figured when I knew what I had to do I would know. So I just sat with it. Sat with my hunger. Sat with my anxiety. Sat and made myself be still within myself. Within 10 minutes more he had it fully operational. It had been a simple glitch that he says rarely happens. He charged me minimally and I left with a functional computer.

Had I rushed to leave. Had I interrupted him. Had I just left it maybe he would have put it aside. Maybe I wouldn’t have had it back that day. Maybe…. who knows what. But the lesson was. To just let things be. Let life be. When I need to know I will know. It’s the exact same with the healing. Things just come. I may not always understand them. I may not always get the why, but in life we aren’t always privileged to know the why anyway. So no use beating myself up.

If I just acknowledge, accept and appreciate what comes…. calmly, cooly, and collected….. it all seems to work out.

Here’s to life’s simplicity.

(I never say easy. I’m not that dumb.)


Harnessing my Power

Today I had an awesome client. A naturopath that has worked with energy and known about these fields her entire life. Maybe to most this seems not very extraordinary, but she was a beautiful, youthful, live-out-loud 80 year old woman. Exuding vitality, healthy and very seriously, glamorously gorgeous. She was so inspiring.

I gave her a colonic. I was deeply encouraged by how she has been an avid colonics client for decades. She had a great session and at her bequest I let her be during it. I did however get the chance to work on some blockages for her granddaughter. She had some serious energetic and physical blockages; she felt very closed off to me. She is the first person I’ve ever given energy healing to that I physically felt rejecting it.

So I can’t say how effective it was but I tried and the intention was there and the rest I leave to God. Maybe had I had more time to talk to her and try to keep moving her energy. I’m realizing that I connect better to people when I touch them yet Pranic healing is one of not having to touch people. So I think that while I love certain aspects of it that I have to do what feels more accurate to me. And I think that if I’m going to keep doing energy healing I need to connect deeper. I need to really dig into it and I need to touch people…. sometimes it just feels necessary but I’ve stopped myself because well….I was scared and apprehensive.

I still don’t know that I want to call myself a healer, but it’s just a differentiation, a way to express yourself I suppose. It’s time I embraced this……. especially for myself.

Tonight I’m going to take a double dose of THC and do a karmic reckoning. I’m going to take back all the energy people have taken from me. I’m going to take back all the power I’ve given away over my lifetime. I’m going to reach into the universe with my arms outstretched and ask for healing, clarity and strength.

More importantly…… I am going to go confidently in the direction life wants me to go…..and it starts by not just allowing and accepting it but fully embracing it.

Ok……this is it.

I have no idea what the future holds but I’m jumping in with both feet. I’m letting go of the doubts holding me back. How many times does God need to prove to me this is where I am needed and wanted before I embrace it? I’ve been bull-headed. I’ve been afraid. No more. Absolutely no more.

Alright…… let’s do this!!!

2019 Grammy Awards

To tell you the truth I don’t usually watch these kind of things. Sometimes if I happen to catch some of it, but usually I could care less. This year I was inspired to watch it and boy am I glad I did. What a powerhouse of feminine energy. Alicia Keys killed it as the host. I was so pleasantly surprised how she didn’t try to be a man, she reveled in being a woman.

I became a huge Brandi Carlisle fan that night with her performance of The Joke. She was hypnotic. I know there was some flak about J. Lo doing the Motown tribute but she was phenomenal. How a woman older than me rocks it out like that full force looking sexy as hell, sounding awesome and those moves and outfits. Amazing!!

I was surprised at the lack of white people honestly. Did I miss a memo? Dolly Parton who I’ve loved since childhood was there as was Diana Ross, both given tributes. It was such a great day for women. I wish Ariana had performed and a few of the others asked to, the Chili Peppers and Post Malone was a strange combo to me and while I like Kacey Musgraves I didn’t care for her sad performance…. but she is very pretty.

Overall I was happily impressed, very entertained and found a new artist to enjoy. All good!


That used to be my favorite movie. Unwaveringly so. Unabashedly so. I loved that movie. I’ve probably seen it dozens of times.

But now I really don’t have a favorite movie anymore. I’m just not that sure of myself anymore maybe. I don’t hang tight to positions like I used to. Now I know how much everything means and counts and I just can’t commit I guess.

Back then I used to find the movie so romantic and passionate. I felt a kindredness with Humphrey Bogart’s character as well as Ingrid Bergman’s. But now, if anything, I feel like I’m more of a Victor Lazlo. But come on….who wants that? No one ends up happy in that movie and that simply isn’t my trajectory. It’s not something I want to believe. It’s not something I want on my radar. So…..even though I own the movie I don’t think I’ve seen it in over a decade.

But this movie is still on the list of ones I won’t pass up if I happen upon them while flipping through live TV. As would be…..

50 first dates, Avatar, Secretary (Spader/Gyllenhaal), The Breakfast Club, and a handful more. But are any of them my favorite movie? Nope.

This is probably the same reason why I’ve never gotten a tattoo and why I rarely make it a point to see an artist perform live or go to events. I just can’t commit to things that wholeheartedly. I rather just like to go with the flow of life and enjoy what’s presented. I’ve stumbled into things I never would have had a chance to see or know about that way. Stumbled into realities I never would have guessed. more Casablanca for me.

“Here’s looking at you” world!!


Valentine’s Curse

Valentine’s has always been a hard day for me. No Valentine’s ever has been what I would consider a “good” one. I feel fortunate that I have my girls to lavish love on and sometimes they remember to give me something or make me something sweet. I don’t like to prompt these things and my ex and I would do that for each other…help the kids remember but we don’t anymore. Part of moving on I suppose. Part of the bitterness of divorce.

This day has already started out bad. Sooooo. I’m going to do what I love to do when things start going south and my disappointed expectations start to make me sad. I’m going to forget about it. It’s no big deal. Right? It is after all just another day….a day used as an excuse to buy things. I bought my token gifts for the few people closest to me. My job is done.

Now it’s just another Thursday. Thursdays come and go. Nothing to see here people. Keep moving.

But to you…… my lovely beasts, miscreants, friends, readers…I wish you a heart felt hug and Happy day of love. 💖💋🌷

Whip it good

Those little red plastic Devo hats are not that becoming, but it’s worth the novelty of it I think. Must find.

Today I had an awesome time fucking Brad.

First I whipped his ass. Marking the same area over and over until it looked a lovely shade of pink and barely noticeable white welts. I took advantage of being in power play mode and explained to him my 5 necessities while I had him count them out twice. (Repeating them back to me.) They were:

1) love: self explanatory

2) obedience: aka reliability (I am the queen of negotiation. I love to communicate. I am about win/wins. So if we agree to something or you say something…mean it. Mean what you say and say what you mean and follow through on it. That to me is obedience. Obedience or as some could possibly call it too…honor.)

3) positivity: self explanatory

4) kindness: be nice to me. Treat me please always like a friend. Hold my heart in your hands lightly and lovingly.

5) calmness: I need him to calm his hamster wheels. I can not be expected to do that for him always. He must learn to self sooth, refocus and direct his energy calmly and purposely.

I thought I left him satisfied as far as pain but he surprises me and asks for more. I, of course, more than willing oblige. I start by tying up his cock and balls which makes them splendidly sensitive. They get nice and purple and plump.

Then I proceed to smack, whip and do this lovely thing too.

Lol. I didn’t have him bound so I had to take it easy to where he wouldn’t thrash too much or pull them off himself, but enough to where I could sense his threshold. Had he been bound I would have gone further. But…….none of this was the best part.

The best part was that he stays hard or even semi-hard the entire time he is tied so I can do as I please with him as long as I please and boy did I take advantage of that. Unfortunately I have not been orgasming with him as strongly or quickly as I’d like to* but OMG. I basically edged myself for almost 2 hours using his cock.

I waited for and wanted an explosive orgasm and when I sensed what seemed like a small one I stopped myself. But I would let myself build up over and over and over to it….to where I was just there…just there ….and the sensations were extraordinary. Absolutely out of this world pleasure sensations. Knowing I had all the time in the world. Knowing I could do whatever I wanted. Knowing it was all about me and my pleasure…… exclusively……OMG. I can’t tell you the glory of that. I also tried all kinds of different positions and let me tell you…I became a reverse cowgirl enthusiast today. Oh boy did I.

*(that’s a story and explanation for another time)

Blood bath exorcism

Suppose it comes to no one’s surprise that there is blood somewhere in my digestive tract. Back to my alcohol is evil stance. Hey…..I like to drink as much as the next guy, but my body is at a firm stance here….and I can oblige or start digging the dirt out.

Fortunately the digestive tract and most importantly the colon is highly regenerative.

I really need to get on board with myself. I say I want all these things and this “whole life” lifestyle and yet…….

I think the saying goes something along the lines of “be who you want to see”. Hmmpphh.


I was talking to a gentleman on FetLife last night that has a strange gift. He knows when people are going to die. This “talent” comes with difficulties for him and darkness. He was also telling me about a friend of his who went to sleep in his house in New York and woke up two days later on the side of the road in CA with no memory except of being touched by a man and darkness. I told him they both need exorcisms.

If you have seen half of what I’ve seen in this life maybe you could be skeptical of evil, but I don’t have the luxury of denial. I just feel lucky to be able to skirt it. I call and keep calling to God. That energy is always available thankfully. So it’s a matter of opening up to it and stearing clear of the “other”.

I was telling Anneleah that I inadvertently performed an exorcism on a client the other day. I was minutely aware that is what may have been happening but since I’d never done one before and had no clue how it was happening all I could do was make peace with it and keep her as calm as possible.

Afterwards it seemed clear that was what happened but don’t even ask me how or why. I didn’t tell the client either. I figured it happened for a reason. Whatever came out needed to come out. “Better out than in.” is what I tell everyone no matter what we see come out or how strange it is. I mean yes colonics are miraculous but they aren’t that miraculous. Lol

I really want to get more control over this gift God gave me. All I can do is keep moving forward. Most especially I need this for myself too, for my own salvation. It all seems to be coming at me so fast though and I can’t seem to concentrate on my more tangible and pressing needs….like paying my mortgage. Lol

Ay yay yay

Faith….I have faith.

Sending you a dose of faith. Like a security blanket of love. 💋💖🙏🏽