Head Space

So if you’ve read this blog in depth you’ll see I have other outlets for my writing. I rant on Medium (currently down). I also write a spiritual blog on Blogger. Except I’m getting tired of switching between them. Lol. (Sorry just funny, because I like switching sexually…get it….anyway.)

Woke up thinking how people use triggers to get into sub/Domme-space. I suppose you can extrapolate that to any use really. It’s the idea of it; of using signals and clues and actions.

And the minute my consciousness woke up today it immediately hit me. God-space. I’ll try to explain how I specifically mean that. God-space is pure love. (I’ll give you a moment to remember a time you felt overwhelmed with pure, blissful, torrential, deep love.)

Kind of like the space you are in when you look at someone you love, a beautiful sunrise, feel the soft touch of someone’s adoration. It’s that softness in your eyes, that tenderness in your heart that paints the works a different hue. It’s a feeling that makes you feel so alive and tingle with energy and yet so fragile you could break. Hard to explain. Maybe if you’ve ever been in an old church that has this intense pulsating energy. It’s palpable. Or in a place full of strong prayer and song. It’s hypnotic. It’s overpowering.

So anyway. Those particular things have triggered me into the space. It’s hard to maintain though. Really, really, really hard…..but…….just like in Domme space or sub space. Couldn’t one use triggers?

Maybe I’m wondering does tantra incorporate spirit and sex. Maybe that’s why my mind draws to that so much. We’ll see. Anyway. Can’t go around having sex all day. Although I know it isn’t all about sex. I hope it’s not a religion. God I hate those things. Not the people in them. Not the places. Not the spiritual aspect. Just all the dumb rules and structures. God doesn’t care. If you want to do it and it means something to you and your offering it as service to God. Great. But God doesn’t NEED any of that. Good only needs you to act in love. God only needs you to live by your heart.

——-

What would God be in terms of power structure? If we put God in top and Evil beneath. Lol. Or what’s the power play and why? That’s a funny question. I’m not awake enough to even know if I’ve made any sense this morning.

———

My whole point was to say that maybe I can use the triggers I’ve already found to stay in God space?

(Note to self……

Yoga

Meditation

Nature

Fasting

Acts of kindness

Sex (? I don’t think it’s questionable)

FIND MORE Practice as often as possible. Rinse and repeat. Um. Yea. Fasting can be dangerous if not done correctly. I just happen to like to use it for detox and spirituality. That’s my warning. Use condoms if not in a committed relationship where you’ve been tested. Right? Herpes is one thing and Hep C/AIDS is totally different.)

——

Wait no. Not practice more sex. I’m not propositioning anyone. I need to get out of bed. This going to sleep at 4am is getting funny. It’s noon and I have morning grog. It’s barely morning still. Lol

—–

Up. Get up!!!

Lol. I have visions of a nice cup of tea waiting for me in the mornings. I’ll get there. Don’t ask me how. Technology is great and all…but real human contact is sooo much better.

He fell to his knees

This was a bit ago but to this day I can not stop grinning like a little kid on the way to the ice cream parlor.

I had just gotten out of a devastating break-up. One of those stupidly painful ones. The kind you don’t know if you’ll ever crawl your way out of that deep dark pit from.

I was a good clip out of that and feeling decent not back to my 100% but overall pretty good. At the fair it occurred to me to have a custom license plate made. They’re dirt cheap there and I LOVE the fair. I always like to buy something to remember from it.

My custom license plate said

“Single & Loving it!”

And I owned it. Every ounce of it. I mean. I kind of had to. It was on my car in public display. Lol

So one day on the drive home from work this car next to me (passenger side) is trying to catch my attention. I look briefly to find a dark haired beauty of a specimen of a man smiling at me. My age. Nice car. It’s LA. Even I used to look. Not that it impressed me but in LA a car does gauge the person fairly accurately…in more than half the cases.

So anyway. He smiles. I smile. He waves. I wave. He motions for me to pull off. He supplicates with his hands. Hmmmmmmm

I was intrigued. What was he thinking of saying to me? What was he going to do?

I bit.

I motioned yes and I led us to a parking lot off the freeway. I got out and he rushes to my side. Not trying to scare me just falling over himself in excitement. It was rather cute.

He looked at me and we struck up an easy conversation. Don’t ask me what we talked about. Less than 10 minutes into the conversation he kisses me. It was nice. We kissed an appropriately long amount of time. A few minutes. Considering I don’t even know this person. Te he he.

And as soon as our lips disengaged he fell to his knees before me. I had a visceral reaction of startlement and he apologized. He said he had never felt anything like that before. To which I couldn’t roll my eyes because he was just so purely earnest about it. But I could honestly say nothing. I was confused really. What does one say?

Now….all this time later. I can own that space so much better and growing into it more and more. To fulfill this I do need a playmate though. One of my choosing: of course. Don’t put words in my mouth. I hate that!! So many things guys in my head. I feel a huge rush of energy. This is new to me. I feel the energy. Like a thumping. I can’t explain. But I feel you there. All of you.

Anyway. Look. Everyone gets to chose. Right? And unfortunately it doesn’t mean it’s mutual or that it can work. I’ve fallen down that rabbit hole too. I think we all have. It sucks. Yea.

Not to say you shouldn’t try. Anything worth having requires a tiny bit of work and effort. Some of your greatest achievements didn’t just fall in your lap. Right? Anyway. Mine didn’t. Usually. Still don’t. I work my ass off. (Thinking of work and friendship and even love). And I’ve hit A LOT of doors. One literally slammed in my face (old boss). Anyway.

Honesty – Billy Joel. I’m listening to that right now. Gonna dip my head in the water. (Maybe goodnight)

πŸ’‹

—–

Oh yea.

Conclusion.

So we both had places to go. That’s why we were driving in the first place. Right? Lol

We exchanged numbers. He asked me several times if it was really my number. Yes yes. Pre-cell. I know. The dinosaurs and I had a blast. 😝

I knew as soon as I got home something was a little off with him but I couldn’t put my finger on it. It wasn’t nefarious whatever it was. I knew that much.

Very soon he called as I assumed he would. And the very first thing out of my mouth was “are you married?” Having gone through that badness there was no way I was going down that beaten to death path. He stalled and hemmed and finally admitted he lived with a girlfriend.

“But I don’t love her. But or relationship is on the rocks. But……”. I hung up with him within less than a minute. He kept calling. Until finally he stopped. I had to stop answering my phone completely though. (No caller ID for those that wouldn’t understand why. Lol)

—–

From my generation to my youngest child so much has progressed. Science. Technology. And yet the world is just as fucked up if not more than ever really. And if anyone thinks they can possibly contradict me I want them to go look at the Texas sizes island of plastic floating in the (Atlantic? Sea). Cockroaches that we are on this beautiful planet.

Oh sorry. Did I offend anyone? Lol

I know. I just called myself a cockroach. And I HATE cockroaches. Although have you seen the viral video of the pet cockroach? Crazy. Making a cockroach kind of cute. Which is a total brain-spin for me.

Why not? Just don’t expect me to have any pet cockroaches. I only collect angels. πŸ˜‰

Blind Woman

I remember I was about 15 waiting for the bus and there was a blind woman seated on the bench waiting for the bus as well. As soon as it pulled up she stood up and we all rushed to the door and she said in a the most dominant voice I’d ever heard from a disabled person or at that point almost any non-authority figure woman. She said

“Someone help me!”

Not supplicating. Not apologetically. More of a “get your ass over here now kind of thing”.

To who? She didn’t know and couldn’t see any of us.

And it was like a bolt of lightening hit us all and everyone (myself included) jumped right to her aid.

It made me smile ear to ear though. Still does.

Bow fucking down!

Tiny bit Scared

I’ve exposed myself on social media to a very great extent. I know if someone truly wants to cause harm to someone else they most definitely can find a way. So really.

& Frankly….I’m more liable to be killed by someone currently in my life than any stranger….statistically accurate. (Not pointing fingersπŸ™„). And I need the social media marketing for the business and the Airbnb. Both of which tell people exactly where I can be found.

So I am going to think of myself as a celebrity. Being that my life is open and accessible; minus the entourage and gated community. And maybe this will open the door to adoration and a fan club. Lol. I just get so carried away sometimes in my fantasy world. Reality is too bleak to deal with on a full-time basis sometimes and anyways…I firmly believe my entourage consists of angels both the ethereal and human kind and they’ll take care of me. I’m positive!!

Plus…I’ve got me on my side. Lol. That counts for tons.

Sage

OMG. He was so succulent. My first golden boy. Beautiful yellow locks, soulful blue eyes and a depth in them that I coveted and yearned for.

He was the first boy I scratched. I loved leaving welts on his beautiful pristine skin and hearing him cry out in pain. It gave me such extreme pleasure and he wouldn’t really complain. He was so enchanting. He would ask me sometimes if it was necessary in his sweet, loving tone and I would try and stop myself. But he drew it out of me with his adoration, and gentle soft beauty and I could see the pain in his gorgeous face and his willingness to submit and it made me so very happy.

I was 16. Lol

I lament that I tried to subdue that part of myself for far too long, but I am sooooo happy I get to unleash myself now completely…..once and for all. There is a deeply satisfying beauty in that I am not only allowed but desired this way.

And I will never be subdued again.