OMG. He was so succulent. My first golden boy. Beautiful yellow locks, soulful blue eyes and a depth in them that I coveted and yearned for.

He was the first boy I scratched. I loved leaving welts on his beautiful pristine skin and hearing him cry out in pain. It gave me such extreme pleasure and he wouldn’t really complain. He was so enchanting. He would ask me sometimes if it was necessary in his sweet, loving tone and I would try and stop myself. But he drew it out of me with his adoration, and gentle soft beauty and I could see the pain in his gorgeous face and his willingness to submit and it made me so very happy.

I was 16. Lol

I lament that I tried to subdue that part of myself for far too long, but I am sooooo happy I get to unleash myself now completely…..once and for all. There is a deeply satisfying beauty in that I am not only allowed but desired this way.

And I will never be subdued again.


Everyone has their take. Don’t they?

Why wouldn’t a woman want a slave? Lol

But I like the image and it does make perfect sense if you’re vanilla or want to be.

I like this song, but I think we are all complicated people. I think the thought of understanding yourself though is universally accurate to everyone. We should all try to be simple….simply ourselves.

Here is my understanding of that and this goes for absolutely everyone*.

I don’t care why it is you want from me; whatever that is…I can’t give it to you. I can only give you me and if that doesn’t work. I’m sorry. I’ve disappointed a great many people, but disappointing myself trying to be someone I’m not is much much worse.

*the only exception is my children for whom I try to be the absolute best version of me that they need. Since they are so individual and different it almost makes parenting them well feel like schizophrenia. Lol. (I am obviously kidding).

Start being rational

Lol. OMG. If I had a nickel.

My ex husband says to me “when will you start making good decisions?”

Honey…I can only be me!!

I’m so sorry that disappoints people.

But seriously.

“Fuck you!!”

I ain’t out hurting anyone. I’m doing the best I can here.

All I want to be is me!!

Why is that so hard in this world?

Makes no fucking sense to me!!!


Luke Bryan – “I believe most people are good”. Good ass song.

“Just be held” Casting Crowns….love this song except for “on the throne” and Jesus references. It’s not that I don’t believe he existed. He was a great guy. I’m sure he was real. My point is we all have a connection to God. It’s inside of us. It’s helpful sometimes for people to point that out but I don’t need an intermediary.

For fucks sake

This world is so fucking upside down.


I met the sweetest gem of a woman. She has an arm that got massively fractured and it’s 2 inches shorter than the other. It gives her constant pain and she came over to help me prep the house and I’ve NEVER seen anyone work so fucking hard (and she is white not Hispanic). Most people would be on disability with her condition.

Weird ass world. I don’t know that I’ll ever get it. So….what’s there to do?

One foot in front of the other.

Guess I should start modeling the behavior I want to see. The way the world should be. Full acceptance of yourself and then acceptance of the love given to you. It’s there!!!

God bless you Diane!!!!

Bratty Ass Teenagers

I DO NOT like being lied to. It sends me into a fucking frenzy.

This Airbnb chick said “oh it’s just me and my daughter time”. Which yes, I thought was odd as fuck but ok. Fine. Whatever. I love my daughters. Who am I to judge.

But no!!!

Let’s see.

Two Costco piZzas, enough cups to hydrate a football team, cupcakes, candles, truth or dare homemade

It’s cute as fuck and they took care of my place. BUT MADE me issue a full refund because “I scared her with my texts”.

Is that why a condom wrapper is missing.


Like I told them via text. Thank God I believe in karma or I’d have to start carrying a fucking machete.


Or is it the parents fault for them needing to lie. No! I don’t know. For fucks sake. Why is it so complicated!!!

I don’t deserve this. Do I? What the fuck did I do God???

Just tell me that!!!!


I’m pretty sure I left 3 condom wrappers. It’s fine. Even if they just took it. Great! I’ve got to leave 3 now each time to make sure. I thought I did but anyway.

And I need to lock that room but the key is in the house so what’s the point. Either that mom is ( parents are) delusional as fuck or….. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s my biggest flaw except people generally rise up or surprise me sometimes. A few do. Seems less and farther between as society goes into overdrive.



Are we raising heathens? Where is our morality? I don’t get it. I get that people lie out of a sense of self preservation. But……

unless your actual life is in danger that makes ZERO sense to me. Stop fucking lying peeps.


I’m making no sense. Am I?

I didn’t see them. I have no idea what happened last night. I only know that they left all my doors unlocked, changed the lockbox key, I thought I heard a male voice, I think a condom is missing, I know it was a birthday party, they left in the middle of the night. Lol. Those are the facts. They didn’t destroy my house, but I gave them a full refund. Someone knows all the facts. It just isn’t me. Lol

Maybe I’ll upload the transcripts of the texts. I scared her??? I find that really hard to believe. Although I do go on texting tantrums. lol

lesson learned. Do not text guests. Noted!!

hopefully it doesn’t escalate. I don’t need the neighbors upset or cops at my door.

Banning Trangenser Groups in Army


Why is the world so retarded? And no. I LOVE my mentally disabled. I don’t mean it to offend them. I should use another word. I’ll have to think of one.

Blacks had troops

Women are included


I mean for fucks sakes

I don’t get it. I just don’t!!

Is it because the medical coverage lets them have surgery if desired.

Well. We’ve paid for stupider things with our taxes.

Being happy with who you are in important. Important mental health.

Seems like common sense to me.


Here’s my question though. Are there take backsies? Why can’t we all just be happy with what God gave us. I know. Now I’m being …….an idiot? Is that a better word. Lol