Tiny bit Scared

I’ve exposed myself on social media to a very great extent. I know if someone truly wants to cause harm to someone else they most definitely can find a way. So really.

& Frankly….I’m more liable to be killed by someone currently in my life than any stranger….statistically accurate. (Not pointing fingers🙄). And I need the social media marketing for the business and the Airbnb. Both of which tell people exactly where I can be found.

So I am going to think of myself as a celebrity. Being that my life is open and accessible; minus the entourage and gated community. And maybe this will open the door to adoration and a fan club. Lol. I just get so carried away sometimes in my fantasy world. Reality is too bleak to deal with on a full-time basis sometimes and anyways…I firmly believe my entourage consists of angels both the ethereal and human kind and they’ll take care of me. I’m positive!!

Plus…I’ve got me on my side. Lol. That counts for tons.

Sage

OMG. He was so succulent. My first golden boy. Beautiful yellow locks, soulful blue eyes and a depth in them that I coveted and yearned for.

He was the first boy I scratched. I loved leaving welts on his beautiful pristine skin and hearing him cry out in pain. It gave me such extreme pleasure and he wouldn’t really complain. He was so enchanting. He would ask me sometimes if it was necessary in his sweet, loving tone and I would try and stop myself. But he drew it out of me with his adoration, and gentle soft beauty and I could see the pain in his gorgeous face and his willingness to submit and it made me so very happy.

I was 16. Lol

I lament that I tried to subdue that part of myself for far too long, but I am sooooo happy I get to unleash myself now completely…..once and for all. There is a deeply satisfying beauty in that I am not only allowed but desired this way.

And I will never be subdued again.

Ugghhhh

Everyone has their take. Don’t they?

Why wouldn’t a woman want a slave? Lol

But I like the image and it does make perfect sense if you’re vanilla or want to be.

I like this song, but I think we are all complicated people. I think the thought of understanding yourself though is universally accurate to everyone. We should all try to be simple….simply ourselves.

Here is my understanding of that and this goes for absolutely everyone*.

I don’t care why it is you want from me; whatever that is…I can’t give it to you. I can only give you me and if that doesn’t work. I’m sorry. I’ve disappointed a great many people, but disappointing myself trying to be someone I’m not is much much worse.

*the only exception is my children for whom I try to be the absolute best version of me that they need. Since they are so individual and different it almost makes parenting them well feel like schizophrenia. Lol. (I am obviously kidding).

Start being rational

Lol. OMG. If I had a nickel.

My ex husband says to me “when will you start making good decisions?”

Honey…I can only be me!!

I’m so sorry that disappoints people.

But seriously.

“Fuck you!!”

I ain’t out hurting anyone. I’m doing the best I can here.

All I want to be is me!!

Why is that so hard in this world?

Makes no fucking sense to me!!!

———

Luke Bryan – “I believe most people are good”. Good ass song.

“Just be held” Casting Crowns….love this song except for “on the throne” and Jesus references. It’s not that I don’t believe he existed. He was a great guy. I’m sure he was real. My point is we all have a connection to God. It’s inside of us. It’s helpful sometimes for people to point that out but I don’t need an intermediary.

For fucks sake

This world is so fucking upside down.

_________

I met the sweetest gem of a woman. She has an arm that got massively fractured and it’s 2 inches shorter than the other. It gives her constant pain and she came over to help me prep the house and I’ve NEVER seen anyone work so fucking hard (and she is white not Hispanic). Most people would be on disability with her condition.

Weird ass world. I don’t know that I’ll ever get it. So….what’s there to do?

One foot in front of the other.

Guess I should start modeling the behavior I want to see. The way the world should be. Full acceptance of yourself and then acceptance of the love given to you. It’s there!!!

God bless you Diane!!!!