I woke up today with the song “you’re the only woman” by Ambrosia in my mind. I didn’t pull it out of thin air. I had asked Brad to send me love songs and in the cacophony of songs he sent was this one.

I was laying in bed thinking about slaves too. I guess Tyler’s text this morning had me thinking of all the many scenarios I have on my bucket list that involve two men. Te he he.

I was also envisioning Brad and I having “slaves” together; mostly men. For some reason the thought of him playing with men turns me on while the thought of him playing with women doesn’t turn me off but….. I’m not there yet. We aren’t there yet. I obviously don’t even mind if he plays alone with men as I’ve encouraged him to try it….. but he hasn’t. I didn’t think it would be too hard to orchestrate that but…. who knows. I don’t have the time, energy or desire to delve into that right now.

I love the idea of having “slaves”. I see it as a complete win/win scenario. You give someone the attention, sexual charge, affection, and guidance they need in exchange for well…. the beauty that a slave adds to your life. I can’t explain it. You’d just have to know. But having someone give themselves to you with purity, in complete servitude is heaven. Pure and simple. And forcing it is a lot of fun but being given it is beyond belief.

We shall see. Hard to navigate so many worlds. Fantasies are so fantastic though.

Tyler has been messaging me all morning wanting to be my sub this weekend and even potentially offering to play with Brad….. but he has specified only for oral play with him. I am fatally attracted to really smart men. Smart and self deprecating, humble, damaged men even more. Don’t ask why. Sometimes ego driven men are a turn on but only if I can clearly see through to their vulnerabilities. I generally can but some men put up so many walls and barricades it not even fun to try and games are good but I like to play games people are aware they are playing not games people are too delusional to see.

I get that Tyler doesn’t want anal sex with a man. Some men don’t and I wont just push that on a men because society puts so much judgement on men’s sexuality being only one way that I don’t want to damage anyones psyche. While I am of the firm belief we are all born bisexual and although no one will ever under any circumstances or with any “data” change that belief I am not idiotic enough to think people can’t ascertain for themselves what their own limits are. I like to push limits. I don’t like to break them.

Awwwwww. Slaves. Such a luscious thought. Cock cages. Collars. Bracelets that secretly double as handcuffs. Lol.

Ugghhhhh. The world is knocking on my door. Work beckons. Breakfast must be made. Damn!! Lol

Play time, a beginning and end. Maybe.

I contacted sweet Johnny to see if he wanted to have dinner with Brad and I and possibly play. Based of course around his parameters as his comfort level. He has no pain tolerance so I was very clear with Brad that he was not to be hurt or treated roughly. Yes he likes ass play, yes he has played with men, but everyone and every situation is different and Johnny is very sweet, delicate and almost feminine and childlike in his energy….. if that makes sense. I think of him often and his sweet daily texts and always checking in.

The last time we hung out was a bit sad. I think he could sense things were not going to progress with us much further. I’m not sure if it was his age, his unhealthy lifestyle (living off power drinks and cigarettes), his messy & slightly uncomfortable house, or a combination thereof. I can’t say…. but there was a disconnect and as enchanting as he is I couldn’t get past it…. but that doesn’t mean I don’t think he is wonderful because I truly do.

Then I told my ex I’m going to stop sleeping with him when Brad gets back this weekend. While I’ve said it before; that was when I was single and not getting consistent sex or attention, affection and touch. So it was easier for me to fall back and I didn’t have the support and help to think I could make it without him. But my business is starting to blossom and Brad offers me a lot of affection, attention, sex and support. Plus I’ve been told by several psychologists that it puts the children and I in danger to keep sleeping with him. I’m not sure I understand exactly how, as I see it being the opposite.

But it just gets confusing for everyone and I like things a lot more cut and dry. Brad keeps wanting him to join us in whatever capacity he wants…. but it isn’t in him and I can’t see it ever happening. So. Finito. One door opens and one door closes. Maybe. It’s thrilling. So very thrilling. Either way.

The bet

She pushes her way in the door with her 6″ velvet red heels. They may be Mary Janes but they will kick ass as needed, when needed. If he did as he was told he was to be naked on his knees with a red scarf over his eyes. With his legs spread as widely as possible so as to cause discomfort and some pain….. throbbing even.

“Damn!”- she didn’t break anything. She had hoped but oh well. She was here to have fun. She was there to make this weekend the most thrilling, erotic, bordering on unbearable, life changing epiphany of ever, being completely submissive to someone else’s whims. She knew how thirsty he was. She could see how much he truly longed for the challenge. Now she could really play along. Now she could really see into his depths and worth. Now she could make the ground shake for him. His worlds build and collapse over and over. Hopefully having been rebuilt stronger, better, happier, more stable.

We all have beasts that long to be tamed. We all are beasts that long to be longed for. We long for true meaningful connection.

Blah blah blah

I guess I’m saying it all works or can work. Lol

It can all be a lot of fun!!!

Thanks for the inspiration Sans4472. 💋❤️🙏🏽🌈🥰

Misfires, anal sex & colonics

My brain has been misfiring a bit lately. Stress? Change of seasons and weather? Tired? I haven’t been consistently exercising or keeping a healthy diet. It all matters. It all makes a huge difference in the quality of day to day living. I was talking to a client today whose mother has Parkinson’s and dementia and she was telling me how simply changing her diet brought her back from an almost zombie-like state of mind.


Today I also had anal sex for the first time in over 2 years. This is monumental!!! For one because I LOVE anal sex and secondly because I had almost given up hope that would ever be enjoyable again. Long medical procedure gone wrong issue. Let’s just say that getting hemorrhoids lobbed off can have serious consequences. And to think the whole reason I got them taken off in the first place was to have better anal sex and because I was so self conscious about new partners.

So now…… my asshole looks better but it barely functions at all. Seems to not be the point of that body part. I’ve never been a form over function person so I guess karma really laughed at me over this one.

Back to the anal sex. Once he was in all the way it was heavenly. Anal sex is just so much more intense than vaginal sex. Plus my sphincter is so tight I could tell he could barely contain himself. He came within just a few pumps and couldn’t help but tell me how tight I was. I wish my vag was that tight. No amount of kegels will get it to that point but if I am consistent with them I see a vast improvement in my sensitivity and enjoyment rather quickly, not to mention my partners pleasure.

I know the vagina and asshole stretch. I’ve heard (and not seen by choice) of fisting and just today I saw a porn film with 2 mens penis’ shoved into one asshole. The creativity in porn is impressive; so many genres and specialties. And I’m also amazed at what people find sexual. People are soooo interesting. So very fucking interesting.


I’m having a colonic right now….. as I type this. It’s a bit of a mental reset for me and it’s exactly what my body needs right now. I was feeling really great when I was doing these a few times a week in adjunct to yoga and eating well. Gotta start back up somewhere. I have the equipment. So I have very little excuse for not using it. There is the work and time involved I suppose.

All things take effort. I want to put my effort into things that will improve the quality of my life. That seems worthwhile to me and I also want to help others improve the quality of theirs. But I have to start with me, leading by example first. Isn’t that how all things should be done?

Still needing a pedicure. Lol

Bomb Theory

Whenever I get a thought I don’t like

For whatever reason:

It stresses me out

It is not positive

It puts me or someone else down

Or just doesn’t feel good

(Now…. be serious… not a thought I need in my head. I’m not a dumb-dumb.)

A thought that is destroying my peace of mind that does not NEED to be in my brain

That is not constructive, productive and kind. It CAN be all 3 but the point is if it isn’t a thought that is good for me. Beneficial!!!

I bomb it!!


Violent little girls are cool.

And I’m only violent in the safety of my head. Lol. (and sometimes kinky sex) 😉

I take the thought, visualize it, take it and blow it up like a bomb or firework. I’ve seen fireworks in real life and they are so beautiful but I’ve never seen a real bomb and hope I never have do…. but I’ve seen enough imagery to have it pretty accurate I believe.

Sometimes I have to bomb something many many times before it finally goes away and sometimes only once does the trick for good. You never know with these things til you do the work. Guess that’s true about most things. 😂😂😂

Pain and THC

I love THC

For pain

I’ll tell you what though

It doesn’t always take away the pain

But it takes the edge off enough to function

And even laugh and smile sometimes

Guess it depends on the level of pain and the dosage

Point is

I can not function as a “normal” person stoned


Just can’t

I know this

Which is why I save pot for night time use

After the kids are asleep time

If I start to get to where I need pain meds during the day

I’m going to have to figure out a plan b

That keeps me sane and healthy

But I’m not going to go there in my mind and soul…. NO!!! (Bomb Theory)

I’m going to focus on getting my juice/vegan diet in check. It’s been a hard start-up. Lol

Easier to do with a lover, friend, community of some sort. Right?