Bitch 101

So hard to safeguard your heart sometimes. Fetlife is not helping the matter. I’m generally a very loving, sweet, genuine, open person but when you get inundated with guys saying exactly what you want to hear over and over just for the sake of sex…it gets ridiculous. I’m not getting callused as much as just starting to table my real persona for “Bitch Me”.

I’ve even disconnected my fetlife from here because just ugghhh. Men!! Instead of it being a platform for understanding me and seeing I’m a person (flesh and blood, heart and soul) just like them it just gives them more access and more ways to prey upon me. I don’t get it!! I am way too naive for this planet.

I think I’m a good judge of character generally and can steer clear of assholes quite well, but when you consider the ratio is A LOT higher in the underbelly it becomes drudgery weeding people out. I really don’t mind assholes and I don’t mind navigating the trenches. What I mind is the lack of honesty and transparency.

It’s a strange conundrum. Some people on there are at their most vulnerable and exposed; showing images and proclivities that no one outside of that realm knows about them and then there are the predators and conniving bastards. It’s a fascinating world but not exactly Maybury.

It still works for me though. Primarily because while on the outside I have a low key, even boring life*. I have my business, my children, my healthy lifestyle, my goals and ambitions. I don’t do much by the way of extravagances. The flipside is this deep need for sexual and emotional satisfaction and connection that skirts unhealthy extremism. I am ok with it and I know my partner will be ok with it. Once I find that person.

Navigating how to find that person; DIFFICULT. Ho hum. It’s ok. Eye on the prize. But no more niceties on my part. Ruthless dissection is necessary now….before I let any games commence. As I wait on my pedestal for the fun to begin.

—–

*boring isn’t quite the right word at all actually. Lol. But you know what I mean.

He Made me so Nervous

I generally do not get nervous around men: from homeless to super stars. It just doesn’t happen. I hold my own. Maybe because I like myself. Maybe because what’s there to fear? Maybe because I generally command my space well, even in my subtler persona.

I don’t think there is only one reason for this really. I know I have as much value as any other person walking this earth. Then add to that; that respect is mutual and if you aren’t going to give it to me I will not engage. Period! Sooo. What’s there to be nervous about?

But this one got me and he was just a boy; literally. Make no assumptions please. I do not like little boys. They are sweet and adorable but A) not sexually attracted to them and even if so….which is not so….B) hard limit. This young man; maybe 13 was just budding into his sexuality. He wasn’t completely frothy at the mouth, more so extremely boyishly curious.

He was following me around the gym; which again, adorable. We never engaged but once he caught up with me in the steam room I could tell he wanted to and it made me SOO nervous. Don’t ask me why. But he threw me off so much I was almost shaking a little when I went to drape the towel over my body so he could not see me when I got up. Other men I don’t worry soo much about and women even less generally. But him….maybe it’s that I haven’t felt such lust from a man so young since I was that same age and I wanted to respect his boundaries, his innocence, and the situation.

I really just wasn’t sure how to navigate that. Maybe. Not sure. Needs more self-evaluation. But boy was that an interesting and uncomfortable sensation for me. Lol.

You boys are so cute though!!

Not Fighting the Tide

Sooooo….life can lead you in strange directions.

I’ve completely changed my mind. I will NOT be actively trying to find “the love of my life” any longer. After almost 2 years being divorced, being mostly abstinent that entire time and trying to find love in traditional avenues I’ve realized it’s not working.

Not only that but it is way too much pressure to put on myself and onto a man. Those expectations are way too high and it’s something that I legitimately want to be organic. Sooooo I’ve decided I’m going to actively look for a sub/slave instead. One because I want to see how the dynamic works when both parties are committed to it and two because I just want to play.

I’m so sick of this seriousness that always shrouds me. I’m sick of adulting all the God damn time. I want to have fun. Lots and lots of fun and I just don’t want that part of my life to feel like so much fucking work anymore.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to play hard and I will take my sexual satisfaction and dominant needs very seriously. I will also safeguard my sub/slaves needs very seriously. But otherwise. I’m switching to play mode.

Anyone want to play?

Male Chastity

I’m kind of obsessed with it lately. All of it. Controlling when a man orgasms. Cock cages. It makes me so fucking horny thinking of it. Thinking of not only having that control but harnessing that power and lust for only me. Fucking heaven.

This is what male chastity is about. I completely get it now. It’s about this massive build-up that only gets unleashed with I decide. Thereby making a man putty for me. Making them desperately hungry for release and lustful for any taste of it. This isn’t cruelty. It heightens a man’s orgasm substantially and it creates an intense bond.

I can’t stop thinking about how very fucking yummy it is going to be when I get to have that control. Oh God. I can’t wait!!!

Rage Against “Nice Guys”

Let me preface this by saying that all my life I have been surrounded by nice guys. Boys and men that genuinely looked out for me, shielded me, protected me, loved me, taught me self love and acceptance and were just all around truly great guys.

Not to say I haven’t had run-ins with the opposite too. This rant is about the men that are neither of these. This is about what I call the in-between men.

Here is my take on that. I have met so many men who have ulterior motives and thoughts. They come at you all “hey….what about you?” When they really mean “hey, I want this!” I find it not only completely disingenuous; I also find it extremely boring.

Say what you mean and mean what you say!! If you want to fuck me, walk right up to me and just say it. I would A) respect you as a person a lot more B) engage with you in a more real way. That may mean a slap to the face or a cute smirk and a walk away so you can look at my ass or whatever…but it will be real!!

All this “what can I do for you to get what I want; while we pretend I don’t really want anything” is so fucking tedious. Ugghhhh. And it just lacks personality. The “I’m just gonna do what all guys do and keep myself buttoned up and put a nice guy smile on and see what I can get”.

For Gods sakes…..who are you?? You?? The real you. What does he want? What does he need? What does he want to really say? Can he come out to play?

The “nice guy” schtick is so played out and just abysmal. If you are genuinely a good guy trust that it is absolutely apparent from the get-go. The rest of you. Man-fucking-up and be yourselves. Don’t you want to be liked for you and not some game your playing? Not some persona your propping up for some gain?

I don’t know. I just don’t get it. It doesn’t work with me. Maybe it works with other girls. Personally I’d rather fuck an outright asshole than an idiot that doesn’t know how to be genuinely himself. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE nice guys and there are plenty out there. But come on guys….cut the crap.

Dick Pic’s

I’m not sure what women’s organization got together and decided that women shouldn’t like dick pic’s.

I’ve only been single for a few years and yes in that time I have been privy to a few of them and frankly I’ve enjoyed them all. Especially the ones with cum. So luscious.

Maybe it’s my proclivity for sexual images to begin with; i.e. porn girl. But boys….go on with your big bad selves. My only caveat is that I do like to see a face first. Otherwise what do I attach the dick to. Really….only makes sense. Lol

10,000 Emerald Pools

I’m obsessed with this song.

I’ve been told many times what healthy love is suppose to look like. Yawn!!

It’s not for me. Sorry. I need an all encompassing, torrential downpour of love, passion, giving. That’s how I love and it’s what I need to see mirrored back. When I find that….genuinely find that…..that will be the best day ever. Only to be overshadowed by every day thereafter. Is love like that sustainable? Lol. Try me.

Plus….it will just be oh so much fun!