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These two days of sleeping in have been glorious. My light-headedness seems much better, but then again I haven’t tried doing much. Lol.

Today we clean the house. I am so excited!!

My liver panged a bit this morning before my coffee enema. Maybe I’ll do another one later today.

It occurred to me this morning to do something. So I put out a feeler in a Meetup group I have gone to (all of once). Lol. To see if anyone was interested in surrounding a hospital (standing 6 feet apart of course) and sending healing energy. No idea if it interests anyone besides me, but we shall see.

I do think that there is something to this anti-inflammatory thing Italy is warning about. Everytime I’ve taken CBD this last week or so I feel worse. That has never happened before. Of course I am ultra sensitive to my bodies responses and at first I truly couldn’t understand the strange reaction but I’m thinking it’s not just ibuprofen… it’s all anti-inflammatories. I don’t know the causation but I know enough for my own body to temporarily stay away from them.

Strange days indeed.

Stay safe!! Be kind to yourselves and others. Stay uplifted. Breath. Enjoy life as much as possible and don’t let the fear mongering get you down. Stay calm. Listen to your heart beating. Listen to the birds chirping. Watch the grass sway. No matter what happens. It will be alright.

🥰🌈🌏🙏🏽🤗❣️💋

Dream the dream. The biggest dream you can dream and then say…..

This (dream) or better!!!!

Put it out into the world. Carry it close to your heart and let the universe provide. That’s the basis of “The Secret” and manifesting. Isn’t it?

I like it as a prayer too. I think it’s uplifting. I think it adds joy and hope to one’s life. I also think it leaves the door open for endless possibilities.

I like to think the universe can open us up to things we never even imagined; both good and bad. And it’s our job to follow our heart and souls to where we need to be in life, to what we need to do. Whether we are a lighthouse or a firework. Whether we illuminate the sky for one brief moment or a century and more. If we dare to dream. If we dare to reach for the stars. If we dare to be the best that is in us. How can we go wrong?

So I’ve started a new dream. A simple dream of a simple life. I looked on the country happiness index and picked a country that sounded ideal. English speaking. Free healthcare. Free education. Safe. Good quality of life. Affordable. Plenty of days of sun. No pollution. After a few emails I even potentially sourced a job as a colon hydrotherapist there.

Something I’m good at. Something people have appreciated and given me accolades for. If I don’t have this financial burden I can work more on energy healing too but more importantly I can be a better mom. I can be more present and dedicate more time to them, because I’ll have the mental energy for it. Which even when I find the time now I don’t seem to have the energy for. But that would be for after the pandemic is over.

Right now I have two weeks to clean my house, rest, spend time with the girls and get my eBay work done. That all sounds like a lovely respite. I’m not sure what will be in two weeks. Deal with that when I get there. But now I have a brand new beautiful to dream. I just love the feel of it. I truly do.

Life should be lived on the wings of beautiful dreams.

🥰🌈🌏💋🤗

That’s the first line of one of my favorite books: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Horrible, horrible movie attempts, please don’t watch them ever, ever, ever. But if you absolutely have to…. watch the older, English (as in from England) version first.

Spoiler alert: the world ends in it but it does get rebuilt somewhere along the series I believe. Exactly the way it was before. 🤷🏽‍♀️ They condensed 4 books into one movie and it goes about as good as you’d expect that to go. Lol

Now is the time not so much to panic, but to take precautions. That’s all. It’s time to do what we can to stay well while not putting others in jeopardy either.

With that in mind I’ve decided to quarantine myself for two weeks. I will go to Brad’s (if he wants me over since I’ve already been as recently as Tuesday) but otherwise I’ll just stay put. No clients. No venturing out into public. For one; I want whatever I have to get better. And whatever this is while I don’t think it’s contagious or Coronavirus; it’s still best to be mindful of the chance it could be. It doesn’t present as it though. Thankfully. So it seems to just be my liver and immune system being heavily taxed. No onset of diarrhea. No coughing. No fever. But best to be safe.

I’m going to take this serious, but I’m not going to panic. Just like the book says. I’ll keep trying to sort out this loan modification madness and stay calm and relaxed. I think we will start keeping our shoes outside though. The less contaminants from outside we bring in the better.

I used to think my ex mil was crazy for washing all her groceries when she brought them home; like the outside of boxes and containers and such. She does have severe OCD, but at this time in our history I believe she may be right. Craziness!! I tell ya.

But….still ….. really…. please……

Don’t panic!!!

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I prefer not to look at life in terms of good vs bad. I don’t like to paint myself into a corner and bemoan what ails me. Instead I try to look at the bright side as much as possible, be as grateful as I can muster up to be and see things as either needing action or not needing action (on my part). That’s it. Nothing more really.

I have 6 days to sign my loan modification terms or deny them. If I accept I have 11 days to make my first very large payment. I’m not afraid of my first payment, or the one after. I am concerned of my ability to pay down the road and I am trying not to panic about it. I am trying to just press forward.

But these are quite disquieting times we are going through. Jill said she would officially lay me off so I could collect unemployment. I’m not sure what the criteria is for unemployment benefits but I’m sure I probably won’t meet it.

If I blow through my entire savings trying to save my house and still end up loosing it down the line I will be in a worse position then, than I am now. If that makes sense. I really need to talk to someone that understands finances and small businesses. I am just unsure who that would be. Maybe I’ll reach out to Score again. See if I can have a virtual conference with a mentor and we can go over the numbers, options and the possibilities.

I haven’t really discussed this with anyone. I’ve been trying to hide my anxiousness from everyone, even Brad and especially the kids. I know stress eats away at your immune system so I’m sure that isn’t helping me right now either.

I’m not letting it permeate my every thought or impede me from the things I have to do. But when I do start thinking of it a dark cloud forms over my head that I then have to work at blowing away.

On the plus side, my protocols are doing a good job of keeping my liver pain at bay. Except last time I passed out, and went to the ER I had no symptoms or pain at all. I only had extreme fatigue and dizziness which is a lot like what I’ve been feeling all week. I have an appointment with my naturopath scheduled the first week in April. Maybe we can figure something out. Until then I think I’ll try a few things out.

Today is the last day of all these clients. I had 6 but I cancelled one. I really can’t handle a 10+ hour day right now.

So…… that’s it. I’m hoping I can get some insight and clarity soon. Figure out something I can feel comfortable about going forward and not something that will leave me with the anticipation of many stressful days ahead. I’m not sure what that could be. Right now I think a lot of people find themselves in a strange situation economically.

I personally don’t see how two payments of $1000 or $1250 is really going to help people. I guess if you have a lot of adults in your house it could. But I think it would be much more beneficial to curtail all mortgage payments for 6 months*. And by extension all rental payments, even on commercial properties. That would help small business owners and the general public much more IMO. But I’m not the big cheese. I’m just a tiny mouse holding on tight to my little speck of bread.

I guess we shall see. Being that no tomorrow is ever guaranteed. I’m just going to breath and hope for ease…. for everyone.

🌈❣️🌏🥰💋🤗

I had this fantasy in my head last night. It was Brad and I, but the dynamic was one we play at every single time we are together now; every single time. I still feel pangs of guilt from it. Even though no one is harmed by these fantasies and we don’t use anyone besides ourselves in our role playing. Lessons learned there. 😬😬😬

Frankly, this isn’t something I wanted to be aroused by, but I am and I’ve chosen to embrace it. I’m not sure how closely this mimics being aroused by thoughts of homosexuality to someone who really doesn’t want to be homosexual. But one can’t really help what ones body responds to and one can’t help that something that traumatized one still lingers inside, causing unintended consequences.

I do want to get back into Domme’ing soon. But right now I’m really going to work on getting my mind, body and spirit aligned. I want to be healthy on the inside; spiritually healthy above all. I think that once I can fully let go of the past, open up and heal all the nooks and crannies of my subconscious those desires may fade; buy I also have to accept that they may not.

And I am allowed a rich sexual life. I have plenty of other things to cross off my bucket list. Brad is pursuing a boy toy on FetLife for us to play with and possibly him play alone with as well. He is also thinking of selling his house and buying an RV. I’m all for it. It will allow him financial freedom. But his daughter and nieces may have a conniption. They all (rightfully) love his house and have dibs on it, I’m sure.

But the strain of not working and having all those bills and maintenance is getting to be too much for him and with his back still very bad who can blame him for wanting to make drastic changes. I still think he needs to think it through a bit more. He can’t just park it at Walmart full time and I doubt my city will let him park it in front of my house as a living space. But one thing at a time. Lol. Those are not my decisions to make for him. So 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Meanwhile….I’m still working on getting a doctor on board to help me with my business. We shall see. The medical field right now is having a field day and doctor’s and naturopaths are in high demand.

I’ve decided to work through this pandemic, but I do hope I can at least get rectal probiotics into people to naturally and much more effectively (than oral) boost their immune system. Hopefully I can get that set up next week. Working on it. Asking for ease.

God bless us all.

🙏🏽🌏🌈💋🥰🤗