Broke the record

So my previous record for orgasms was 5 in 24 hours, but this was without manual and toy assistance. It was a very good record; I thought. It was set in my mid 20’s (with whom I considered the love of my life then; even though we are just friends now and can’t recreate that feeling again) and I honestly never expected to surpass it. But…..you never know where life will take you if you let it.

I got to Brad’s at about 6:30pm last night and left at 7:30pm today. The thing I love about hanging out with him is that I have no concerns. My kids were home safe*. Anything I need or want Brad will provide for me. Plus we can both be as naked as as we want. In that 25 hours I can’t even begin to guess how many times and how much time we spent having sex. Honestly couldn’t ballpark it if I tried.

We showered together twice. Had dinner, coffee and lunch out and even managed to get his car to the shop.

And still I orgasmed six, maybe seven times. I lost count. I know it was 4 before we went to sleep and at least two today. It all melds together. So much fun. A lot of role playing. A fair amount of BDSM. I will upload pictures at some point which I will promptly delete. Te he he. He always manages to remember to take them of me and I never seem to remember to take them of him. Although I did get a couple good ass shots of the marks I left him.

He orgasmed twice which has never happened in the 10 months we’ve been sleeping together. We also got along great. Didn’t argue once. Although I did have to put him in his place a few times. Like when he was sex talking me while I had my mom on the phone. Dude….time and place! Not funny. He got it after I told him I’d do that when he talked to his father next time. Lol🙄

I haven’t even seen all the pictures yet. I will have to cut out my face because it’s very submissive and we all know I don’t care to portray that aspect of myself so much. Fun as that is, it’s private. (As I share with the world…lol). I just love switching. I know it can get confusing, but to me it is really simple. In bed all is fair, out of bed I reign supreme. See. Easy. Lol

Wishing you the hope of breaking a few records as well. Who says the glory days are behind us? Goodnight loves.

😋💖🥰💋🤗🌈🙏🏽💤

—–

* Not that this needs justification…but, they spent most of both evenings with their father anyway and all day at school; which he takes them to Monday’s anyway. So they were barely going to see me all the same.

—–

There is one aspect of so much sex I really dislike. Bed Head!! Ugghhhh…the tangles. Like my hair isn’t thin enough already? Jeez. Makes me wonder if I should just shave it all off. Like I’m trying so hard to just maintain these few strands I have left and I’m not even sure why. Because women should have hair? Stupid societal standards. Why should I feel oppressed and chained to stupid ideas? Why? It would be so nice to not care. Really it would. I need to grow some balls and stop trying so hard to be something I’m not. God knows I have enough wigs for when I want to pretend. Lol. But in my head I hear Dana Carvey’s impersonation of Bush saying “not gonna happen…not gonna happen”. Lol. Who am I kidding?

Vaccine Truth

Or as close as I can get to it, I suppose.

(Yes, I know you’re probably all sick of this, but I was asked for it by a reader so…. move on if you aren’t interested.💋)

A.

High autism rates in black boys* due to the MMR vaccine prompted whistleblowers within the CDC to come forward with what they said was a purposeful manipulation of data. (1)

B.

You are not allowed to sue doctors or manufacturers for any vaccine reactions, even death. Instead you must report to the vaccine injury compensation program(2), which first decides your case and from what I have researched is almost impossible to get into; let alone win.

C.

Herd immunity is not exactly accurate (3). An outbreak in 2014 was started by a vaccinated 22 year old and is proven by the simple fact that vaccinated children still can get diseases; like the measles.

D

It has been proven that chickens given vaccines induce the vaccines to mutate.(4) Just like antibiotics have created superbugs, vaccines are now creating super-diseases. This has also been shown to be true in humans.

“A scant number of people who got one version of the vaccine before it was phased out in 2016 carry a variant of the polio virus that was in that vaccine and has since mutated. The mutated virus can now be passed around in areas where few people have been vaccinated, sickening some along the way.”

This you can easily Google for yourself and while the stories claim complete new vaccine immunization is necessary, a simple, common sense extrapolation would assert that to not be true. Especially since (while demanding mandatory vaccines in the US that NO OTHER COUNTRY has such a high vaccine schedule as the US does) we can not impose our schedule on other countries… although pharmaceutical companies are trying and succeeding somewhat.

E.

The vaccine schedule from the 1980’s was very minimal and yet**….

F)

Availability of nutritious food, soap and clean water had a more significant impact on measles than vaccines. Chart below shows the containment percentage rate for measles.

Which is why even with vaccines, third world countries have a difficult time staving off diseases we have long eradicated. And as long as these exist in the world we will never have complete immunity because as we have seen above diseases mutate and the US is not a glass house. People travel to and from here with different levels of health and immunization.

G)

It is my general belief that the microbiome has more to do with whether a person exposed to a disease will be immune to it or not. While I am absolutely not saying no vaccines I am saying that we need to be smarter about it. We need more studies, as there have been no double blind vaccine studies to date. Long known as the medical gold standard for proof of efficacy AND demonstrates side effects. And while some would say the benefits outweigh the risks I’m sure the 26 children that have died from Gardisil would disagree.(5)

——

Personally I am actually for vaccines. I wanted to vaccinate my child against measles, mumps and rubella but I wanted them to be separate so the load would not be so high since her immune system from being a preemie and having digestive issues is not great. However that option is not available because it isn’t cost effective.

Yet now I am given no choice and little comfort should she suffer any adverse effects. Which most doctors would never associate anyway.

To me this entire thing makes little sense. It seems driven by money and the media supports it because that’s what they do. It’s absolutely not about the greater good. And with the EpiPen and opioid issue you’d think people would be more skeptical about the pharmaceuticals as well as the CDC agenda but whatever. I’m so tired of dealing with the idiocy of it.

Decades from now when we start mutating truly horrible diseases maybe someone will finally listen. Maybe.

1)

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/25114790/

2)

https://www.hrsa.gov/vaccine-compensation/index.html

3)

https://www.michaelgaeta.com/blog/2017/10/20/herd-immunity-the-foundational-lie-of-the-forced-vaccination-agenda-part-one

4)

https://www.quantamagazine.org/how-vaccines-can-drive-pathogens-to-evolve-20180510/

5)

http://amp.washingtontimes.com/news/2014/dec/31/us-court-pays-6-million-gardasil-victims/

——

*Now the two personal cases of autism due to the MMR vaccine are both boys but one was only half mixed black and the other white. So that’s not enough to assert anything, coincidence though? …….given the information present, maybe not.

**My generation had 36 total. My parents generation had 8. My children have more than double my generations when you add in the flu, whooping cough, hpv, meningitis, etc.

Disparity

I was walking around Salem today. Lots of bums minding their own business, some talking to themselves. Not a one asked for money. I was wondering to myself what circumstances led to them being where they are.

I am sometimes told; you’re so kind, sweet, zen, happy, pretty, etc. And while those are all things that are nice to hear and I appreciate it. I’m not always that. I’m not trying to be that really. I know in this society if you have a positive attribute that people admire or value you’re suppose to augment it. You’re suppose to beef it up, make the best of it. If you’re pretty, bring it out more. If you’re smart, strive to be smarter. If you’re an athlete, strive to be the best.

What about just being authentically ourselves and let who that is shine? In all the “good” or “bad” that that encompasses. We are all a mixed bag of traits and characteristics. We all have so much more complexity than we could ever even realize and express completely.

I was trying to overhear the conversation these mentally challenged were having with themselves. I always find the dialogue quite fascinating. Today I was trying to listen to a man that was about 15 paces from me and he said “so you want to talk to me?” and in my head I responded “yes, why not?” to him. He was immediately taken aback and he just stood there as if not knowing what to do or say and said nothing else out loud after that.

I looked at him and he just stared at the wall in front of him. I had to leave and as we drove off I saw him still there, standing silently still a bit shocked staring at the wall. Poor thing. I hope I didn’t set him too off track. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have these issues. It must be so difficult. I did send him a kiss on the cheek, a big hug and told him goodbye. I don’t have all the answers here.

I do think in life so often people who are likable, charismatic, attractive and have qualities we find appealing succeed through little fault of their own. Just the cards they were handed and sure most have probably learned to excel at them. As I suppose they should. As we dictate things should be, how we should behave.

Life confuses me profoundly sometimes. I don’t find logic to it. How we can leave each other behind like this. I had money in my wallet. Money I have designate specifically to give away: tips, kids selling things, homeless. But I didn’t give out a penny. Because I didn’t want to make any assumptions and I’m still quite shy. But they all looked so defeated and I wasn’t sure I could engage them in the way they needed.

At one point Brad and I were admiring a beautiful building with a copper dome and he said “it’s like Cinderella’s castle” and a homeless woman walking briskly by said “there’s your Cinderella right there” as she pointed at me and kept walking and I couldn’t even muster a thank you as I could clearly see and feel the heavy weight of her life. It took all my strength to hold back tears.

I get that we like to think we are all the master’s of our own destiny but that just doesn’t feel true to me. It doesn’t feel true at all, when I see a child suffering or an animal in distress. I realize to some degree we can influence life but mostly we are like leaves blowing in the wind and some of us end up in the gutter with no one to care. No one to care at all.

Unleashed a beast

Isn’t it funny how two people can really ignite each other?

The games we played yesterday unleashed something powerful. We have both been spinning today. Texting each other and taking it further and further and while I’m usually keen on sharing things here, this has been going in a direction that is very, VERY taboo and I’m not up for the scrutiny honestly.

But boy am I beyond turned on. At one point I was dizzy, shaking, panting with desire, wetness almost dripping down my legs as we texted each other crazy scenarios of sex and pure forbidden erotica.

But OMG………

This is going in a direction that I could have never imagined and yet it feels so right.

————

I don’t want to cross the line and hurt anyone. But there is a point where you need to break a bone to reset it again and that causes pain. A necessary pain.

I’m trying to put logic and purpose to something that at the same time makes me wild with desire and satisfies something deep within my soul.

It’s the best win/win I can think of. We shall see where this takes us. Between consenting adults…….. the possibilities are endless and can be oh so very, VERY enjoyable.

Nothingness

I tried to shoot for a minute of nothingness and ended up with 7 minutes of pure mental mayhem along with recognizing my shoulders were very tense.

I’m having to change my mental dialogue of “it’s hard” and “this is impossible” to “it will get easier” and “I just need to keep trying”.

The first two bits are my default but they just aren’t very helpful. The last two at least allow for the possibility of it happening. That’s basically affirmation and positive self talk in a nutshell.

But the mind is a powerful computer that is never on standby. It’s always thinking, processing, analyzing, dreaming, monitoring, visualizing, engaging. Turning it off is difficult, to say the least. But possible and I think being able to get there can lead to a new world of possibilities.

Open up passages for new thoughts, new information to download, new visions to come into understanding and being.

And at the very least it gets me to a place of calmness, if I let it. It can also make me keenly aware of my ability to panic. “I’m doing this wrong.” “Why is this so hard?” “Why can’t I shut it all down?” “Why can’t I (insert stress inducing thought/demand)?”

It’s an exercise in allowing what is, to be, while just observing what my mind does and then redirecting it gently and compassionately over and over to nothing. Seemingly a very futile exercise I grant you. But if I allow it to, it’s actually very insightful as to how my processing works, as to what I tell myself and (even more importantly) how I tell it to myself.

These things are not negligible. In fact, these things are key to my mental health and well being and so often it’s not something I pay much attention to. I’ve realized.

So today I’m going to aim for 3 tries at nothingness. Which is probably going to be something closer to just an exploration of self and mind and maybe some relaxation or at least some acceptance. This is me! The me that has nothing to hide behind and nothing to posture for. It’s me stripped down to just the body and brain and emotions that lie beneath all the crap we distract ourselves with all day long.

Or at least that’s my take.

Hoping your take on life today brings you some happiness.

💋💖🙏🏽🌈🥰🤗

I’ve still got work to do (sexual healing)

Soo…….

Let’s not kid ourselves I got laid last night. Brad came to get me and we went to dinner first. He gave me money to play at the restaurant and I won a tiny bit. We both got a little tipsy and ended up with him domming me. It was about 2am after a lovely Lelo assisted orgasm when he asked me to Domme him and I was beyond exhausted. I simply rolled over and fell asleep.

But at 9am I popped up not feeling great (the three tiny ribs I had eaten and 2 glasses of cheap champagne hadn’t sat well overnight); however I wasn’t about to waste the morning. We spent the first hour with me in full control. I tied his arms and legs to the bed, gagged him and tied up the base of his cock and balls. Then I proceeded to torture and mark him. I reminded him who he belonged to. Who owns him. He was very sensitive, probably due to his hangover, but I didn’t let it stop me.

“Wait I’m going to vomit” he says at one point and I look at him with all the cruelty I can muster in my eyes and say “what do I care, I’m not cleaning it up, vomit if you have to”. The look of shock and disappointment in his face was priceless. He was just being cheeky and I don’t stand for that, plus what’s a little vomit. I’ve done it. Who cares?

He was getting pretty spent though and I was getting pretty horny so I took him out and what happened next I still haven’t quite processed completely.

(Very perverted and maybe disturbing content follows…..you’ve been warned.)

Let me preface by saying that as most of you probably know we both love role-playing. Sooooo….judge if you want to but….

We play daddy/daughter quite often but knowing I was sexually abused by my uncle for an extended period of time in my early childhood he often likes to put me in that scenario again. I don’t usually like it truthfully. It makes me very uncomfortable so I wanted to make him feel just as uncomfortable and I said “if you’re gonna play my uncle than I’m going to play your niece” and I forced him to call me by his real niece’s name.

I had no idea where this would go. Honestly I thought he would freak out a bit, back down and never try it again. He was indeed taken aback. He had a hard time with it at first but soon not only where we both getting into it but I realized I was more turned on than I had been in a very long time. The juices were flowing strong.

My body was responding on it’s own accord and it brought a reality to the situation I had never felt before. I couldn’t understand why my body was so responsive to this. But I orgasmed fully submerged in this role and then immediately balled my eyes out.

He kept the gig up trying to get me to keep crying, in a loving way though. While still fucking me. Lol. And I was brought back to being that young girl again….. so confused by what was happening. Not understanding any of it, feeling utterly helpless and scared but enjoying some of it none the less. And the tears kept coming and it was so much…..so, so much. And then he capped it off with going down on me and fingering me and the boi has improved his skills so much he had me in a complete orgasmic frenzy.

My only complaint is that I needed after care and he neglected to provide it and I could not even source the words to ask for it. Instead I laid there comatose (my body, emotions and mind still in a huge tailspin) for at least 15 minutes until I could regain some semblance of function and stumbled myself to the bathroom to pee.

I still don’t think I’ve processed it entirely. But it makes me keenly aware that something I’ve been working on for years still has such a strong effect on my subconscious mind and body. And the way the trauma resurfaced and melded into pleasure and then into release and……

And….

Well….it’s just something that while I’m glad happened makes me see this skeleton still needs to be looked at in the light of day. It still needs to be healed. I still have work ahead of me.

I guess it’s better to know these things than to bury my head in the sand. I wonder if it ever will be fully healed and I wonder what lies ahead for me in regards to how this still affects my choices and desires.

I never asked for this issue in my life and yet here we are. Such is life….isn’t it?

Wishing you an orgasmic day without any resurfaced trauma. 💖💋🤪

Pissy

I’m in a pissy ass mood today. I think there are only a few viable solutions. A) sex/masturbate B) colonic C) exercise D) meditation/prayer. Today……today I may need all 4.

My driveway smells like hot male piss. I have my suspicions as to how this happened but there isn’t much I can do about it. I made plans with Brad for tonight but he hung up on me last night and I tend to believe it’s more passive aggressive behavior than an actual disconnection.

At this point I would really settle for someone to fuck that’s just fun to hang out with and talk to. Someone I enjoy being around that’s just low key and EASY.

The teenager kept texting me the minute she left the house this morning wanting to know what my plans were this weekend. I was trying to be vague and just tell her I would let her know but she kept on me and finally I unleashed this on her.

The Rock sticks out his tongue in that gif.

Uggghhhhhh

I still love the boy. I haven’t been trying to source new cock, not that I would need to pan far, but still….not in the playbook right now.

I’m just going to focus on me and where I want to be in life.

But it’s fun to be able to talk to my daughter as more of an adult now.

—–

Last night I was sweating and tossing so much I woke up wrapped in my sheet not being able to move and every time my cervix gushed out blood it woke me up. It generally never does but for some reason the sensation of the blood oozing down my ass crack kept waking me. The joys of being a woman.

And I don’t know why it is that I’m always super horny when I’m on my period. It makes absolutely no sense to me biologically speaking. Kind of like when women get hyper sexual during pregnancy. Makes no sense.

——

I have to tell a client I can’t help them today, which means turning down money I could use. You see….. I’ve devised a system for noting if there may be blood in someone’s digestive tract. I’ve even tested this theory and it’s held, but it’s not absolutely foolproof. It depends also on a person’s diet and supplements, but in this case I’m pretty sure and in no shape or form can I allow more water to be put into her digestion without addressing this first. Not even if she wanted to.

Now this system doesn’t tell me where in her tract it could be. It could be literally anywhere: stomach, esophagus, small intestine, even the liver theoretically. So even though the water may not directly aggravate the problem in good conscience I simply can not. And now…now I have to tell her this. News NO ONE wants to hear.

Which truly isn’t as dire as it sounds. Example: in my case when I was in the midst of an episode of diverticulitis and in pain and bleeding I simply abstained from all my supplements, gave my digestion food I knew it tolerated well (mostly smoothies) and drank loads of (inner fillet Trader Joe’s) pure aloe vera juice. Within 3 days I was completely back to normal. But I know my body. I know my physical issues. This isn’t everyone.

Doctors have a simple way to test for blood in the large intestines without needing a full on colonoscopy and truthfully I am of the belief that stress and bad diet can also aggravate the tract enough to bleed, but not a theory I can prove.

Digestion is so fascinating to me.

Speaking of…I gotta stuff something in my mouth and get going. Time stops for no one or so it seems. Lol

Hope you have a non-pissy day ahead of you. 🙄

🥰🙏🏽🌈💖💋🤪