Line in the Sand – grateful kids?

I lost it a tiny bit today on my middle child. I yelled at her and probably made her feel horrible, but it’s all I could do to not have a full blown meltdown. She stopped me in the middle of my mad rush to get to a client to tell me how much she wants her own room. Now. I never lived with a sibling. For a few years I shared a room with my dad’s girlfriends daughter but I knew better than to think to complain. I was raised much differently.

Of course, one wants their children to have better than one did and one never wants their child to have worries about money or “adult problems”. So this is essentially an understandable kid problem but I lost 6 bookings this week with a couple that was too distracted to cancel them ahead of time.

So I said to her “I really need you to be grateful for what you have. It may not be exactly what you want but it’s still pretty good. You have a roof over your head and food to eat.”. I went on for longer than she wanted and she left deflated and sullen but I swear to God……

Where is that fine line between shielding them from our problems and facing them with reality? Do I tell them how I’m struggling to just maintain even that much for them? I can’t even bare to think about it.

I love them so much. I want for them the world. Damn kids!! Maybe we should go feed the homeless, or do some volunteer work. Maybe I’m doing them a disservice trying to make their life happy and bright.

Don’t I have enough on my plate? Seriously though. Goodness!! 🙄🙄🙄

I don’t purposefully lie

I just change my mind. I can always explain my decisions and I think the evidence usually lends itself to the needed/wanted shift. I can be hard to keep up with sometimes, I’ll grant that….. but I know I’m worth it. I know my love, friendship, attention, comraderie, whatever…. is worth it. Even if I weren’t though I still gotta be me and being me alone is better than trying to be someone I’m not surrounded by people that love whoever that is.

I’ve never had such a hard making friends before, but I’ve also never tried to live so authentically; instead of just going with the tide of whoever shows up. I’ve never actively searched for kindred spirits. I’ve also never known about my huge crutch before. One of many I have learned about myself and will hopefully keep learning about. Neither have I had to knowingly deal with holding other peoples karma. This part of my life is not fun, but it is currently what I must deal with and I’m hoping once I jump this hurdle the path settles down a bit.

People undervalue boredom. Boredom can be such a beautiful luxury. Imagine the blessings of having all your immediate animal needs completely met and just having to worry about entertaining yourself. Maybe having to fulfil emotional needs as well is part of that, but still…. to not have to truly struggle. To have comfort and stability in life is absolutely not negligible.

I try not to take anything for granted in this life……even boredom. Lol

Make this easier…..

Please…..

By happenstance, habit and necessity I’ve been a bit of a loner my entire life. I have a handful of people I depend on; family, friends, old lovers, mentors, etc. but mostly the cheese stands alone. Not complaining, but it’s not something I want to purposely maintain either.

I worked on a client this week; another naturopath with severe digestive issues. I did a healing on her and set myself back 3 days now. My energy has been sooo low. The first night I was actually physically pained all night. The second day better but now this third day I’ve just been wiped out all day. Let’s see how tomorrow goes, but if I can’t figure this out I’m simply not going to be able to do this anymore.

She has a much higher energy field than I do, even while physically impaired. So while I was still able to help her it has come at too high of a cost and while I love helping people this is way too much to ask of me. No amount of money makes this worthwhile.

Makes me reevaluate everything. Can I do more healing? My gut instinct says not to give up and to keep pushing ahead, but I will have to abstain from doing intentional healings until I can get this under control.

If it isn’t one thing it’s another. Isn’t it?

I think if I have the energy I’ll masturbate tomorrow. I’m watching “Thanks for Sharing” with Paltrow right now about sexual addiction. I’m so glad I don’t have that problem. Phew……😛🤣🙃

Be Afraid

We all fear something. Most of us fear lots of things. Some of these are pretty common. Fear of public speaking. First dates. Job interviews. Large social gatherings.

Generally speak we are a fearful bunch. I’m of the belief that a lot of our fears we aren’t even consciously aware of.

I am trying so hard to follow the signs of this spiritual quest. Yet I sense my fear and apprehension as well. Like a really boring tug of war. I’ll figure it out.

Here is a fun test you can give yourself if you’re curious about your own “psychic” abilities. I knew already what my strengths were but it was fun to see the overall results.

🦋🌷💖

Marginalized people…

don’t usually ask for help. They are so used to being mistreated, misunderstood, and ignored.

This is hard for people that have never been marginalized to comprehend sometimes.

Basically the article says that while there have been online reports of LGTBQ attacks none have been reported to police.

Well… that’s a mystery. Ain’t it?

Maybe they should get some LGBTQ on the force and ask their opinion. Just a thought.

Maybe I’m wrong

Goodness, greatness, Godness

If you can be happy exactly where you are with exactly how things are you can be happy anywhere in any circumstances. (Happy is interchangeable… with another word obviously 🤣)

People rise up…..given the real chance….they can even surprise themselves is the funnest part.

I know nothing…..and it is my willingness to admit that which helps me learn things I never would have dreamed.

Anyone can have power over someone or something. Leaders whether by force, creed, vote, lineage, money, or whatever are always rising in their greed; but count how many are humble and mercifully humane, genuine egalitarian human beings.