Emotionally high on the Richter scale

Yesterday I was emotionally raw all day. What this means is that everything stings; good or bad and there is no indifferent. I try to isolate myself as much as possible on days like this. I am pretty sure the parasite cleanse had a part in it, but also just being tired, having a sick child at home, stress, the counseling session the other day and sadness about my relationship with Brad.

I even tried to steer clear of the kiddos to not be sad or testy with them. I tried to implode my emotions, or keep them under wraps. But then I had to venture into the great big world. I wanted to go to a new Meetup. Unfortunately they made the meeting point a huge local park that I am not very familiar with. They said there would be markers; flowers, a purple umbrella.

I drove around 30 minutes looking for this gathering after driving 50 minutes in heavy traffic to get there. There was one huge gathering that I could tell from how the people reacted when they saw me that “I didn’t belong there”. We all communicate so clearly with body language the subtleties we feel. And of course because I’m in a hyper-emotional state it also made me want to cry.

But I bit the bullet and walked up to the group of very white people to find out the reason I was obviously not belonging. Because it was a meeting group for Scandinavian people (or polish maybe, I don’t recall exactly), and so most obviously my color skin is not a commonality. So I could see then why the body language stipulated that very clearly.

Then I drove by another picnic table area and saw a mom with a child and even though we were at least 100 feet away from each other she waved at me. I was in a state of stupor. I lowered my window but froze. I didn’t know what to do. So I went and parked to try to walk over but it all seemed so convoluted by this point and I was frustrated and wondering why I even left my house in the first place.

I never found the Meetup. I went and got some much needed sundries and groceries and went home.

Buried my head under the covers early and called it a day.

I feel better today, not as raw. Just another day. Thankfully.

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=XdgY-CQsbKU&feature=share

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=xuOVxTomD9k&feature=share

Climate Change

This isn’t what you think it’s about.

My middle has pneumonia. Again. We’ve lived in Portland 5 years now to the month. Every year one if not all of us girls have gotten pneumonia. Every year. The middle had breathing issues at birth and has a weak immune system. The smallest has a genetic disorder, which also disrupts her immune system or vice versa. This is a lot like those diseases I see people with that seem heavily parasitic. It is a chicken/egg battle.*

I never complain about the weather here. Never. Ok. You caught me. One day. One. It was the first year we moved here and it was so dark outside I thought it was deep dusk, going into night all day. It was horrendously depressing. I knew I suffered from a bit if SAD (seasonal depression) but that took the cake for me and I thought “nope God, I’m throwing in the towel. If there are more days like this I won’t make it”. (Talk about lack of coping skills and faith in myself. Lol But I probably would still feel the same way now.) There has not been another like that day since. Although today was the best, loudest, brightest, funnest thunderstorm I’ve ever seen here.

I was smiling like a chesire cat on the drive home except when the couple in front of me decided to go 10 miles an hour down a beautiful country road I thought I would have almost all to myself. Locals….go and ruin everything again. 🀣🀣🀣 (Inside joke to Portlanders.)

Do I miss California weather? Nope. Not one bit. Especially since the sun causes me severe allergies sometimes. Inflammation which my body can’t handle. I love it here. It’s so beautiful. But I’m still trying to figure out, does it love me and my family? Lol

It mostly feels so. Yes. Very fortunately.

But I really wish these munchies wouldn’t get sick. I should theoretically be able to cure them. Honestly I haven’t tried more than a few times to help them energetically. I don’t know why. If I were honest with myself it’s fear of failing. Maybe. But nothing can go wrong. I just need to replenish myself first and I’ve been so tired and lazy and downtrodden.

Come on now.

Climate change.🀣🀣🀣

Sorry. I know it’s a serious subject. I don’t have the answers, but I can’t be bothered living in constant fear either. Tell me how to help. I’d rather volunteer at my local park for a clean out. I’d rather recycle correctly and as much as possible. I’d rather not put more products into mother Earth that will kill her further. I just don’t buy them or use them. This I can do.

This I got. What else you need? I help where I can from where I am. How I can. What else is there?

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*Was the immune system compromised first or did the illness compromise the immune system? They obviously feed off each other looping upwards or spiraling downward, but who comes first I can’t say. Same with parasites and these illnesses I see come through (although inflammation is a huge factor too). It’s all so complex and fascinating and yet when you look at it from many different angles it seems to make perfect sense. The body seems perfectly orchestrated in its own beautiful majestic way.

Party of Pain

I’m willing to admit that life is painful as fuck sometimes

It cuts like a knife

And let alone if you have a heart left beating in you

If your compassion is high

Or your love for others

Or your anger

Your fear

These are all forms of pain

Don’t you think?

That’s why I have my Nancy Kerigan moments or days here and there.

To sit with my pain

To cry with my pain

To commiserate with it

Who better understands my pain

But my pain and me

Don’t get me wrong

Crying rooms would be pretty awesome too

But until then I need me my party of pain (formerly known as pity party😝).

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Why does my mind instantly go to BDSM? Lol.

I told Brad I didn’t want to talk about sex until a specific day this week. This in essence pisses him off and we talk much less because he is a huge perv and every other thought seems to be sex. And I was having fun with it. Enjoying some peace and just plain conversation (albeit via mostly all text).

But I’m realizing how much I think about it too. Which maybe is a good observation anyway. It’s all about what you focus on.

———-

I am envisioning a red room and me in leather as dungeon master supreme who plays in all the stories she wants. But the master must get her whipping or devotion first. Right?

From pain to pleasure*. That’s life. Isn’t it? πŸ€£πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ’‹

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*and back again

Fecal Transplants 2.0

I absolutely wholeheartedly, unequivocally, believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that the manipulation of microbiota through the colon directly will be the next true HUGE breakthrough in medicine/science/healthcare.

But I also see that they seem to be doing it wrong. Not purposefully as much as unintentionally negligent, I want to believe. So the science and testing has to reach a better level. There is a lot to be learned and studied but also the way they are doing it needs to be standardized a tiny bit more. At least sourcing from the correct human portion of the population, and testing across as many spectrums as possible while not compromising the material one single iota.

This is all less complicated than it probably sounds but I won’t bore you all too much more.

I saw a client today who was asking about it for a loved one. I told them that if it were for something life affecting. A day to day quality of life situation, like C-diff, MS, completely debilitating forms of chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, lyme disease and maybe even SIBO* then I’d say the risks were maybe worth it. But at this point the science behind it seems almost more of a deterrent than a boon. I personally don’t see why they are making this out to be so difficult. I don’t want to say pharmaceutical agenda but who the fuck knows. Seriously? Does anyone?

If I could open a small lab I bet I could nail this in no time. But……if I can even do 1/100th of the things I want to do in life I’d have to live past the 111 years I intend to.

🀣🀣🀣

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*Things at a high level of pain, potentially even the big C. I mean I don’t see much that can’t be benefitted from this and that’s beyond what we consider degenerative illnesses even. I mean this is absolutely revolutionary: addiction, mental disorders, I mean I can talk about this ALL DAY!!!

If we get there, not that they can make it illegal because kind of like colonics (that one can do in their own homes for themselves if desired), but they can erase it from standard medicine. Basically. Right?

Anyway….until then I wish more doctors and naturopaths embraced what I call “implanting”. Now there isn’t too much to grasp here, but some basic common sense and PH Balance and such, a specific need. But that’s a topic for another day. I’m tired. It is 3:34 am after all. Lol

Spiritual Parasites

Two empty slots today working at Jill’s. So to help her out I took an hour and half lunch. I went to the New Age bookstore and browsed around. When I saw they had a tarot card reader I thought what the heck. This was my reading.

The middle card was the sacrificial lamb; she called it a parasite. She even asked me if I had done a parasite cleanse lately. I almost laughed. I was impressed. If I didn’t believe in fate it would have floored me a little. As I already had planned to start one tomorrow.

The basic gist of the whole reading was; self care, falling in love with myself, honoring the divinity within; both male and female and growing into my power. I explained that I’m just too tired. She told me that after the full moon eclipse on the 2nd I’d have more energy. Then she told me to pray for the world. Same as Pranic Healing teaches. I agree in theory. But I’ve got enough people and things to pray for right now.

If life and divinity want more from me then I need more ease. The reader told me I was forgetting how I can manifest my own desires and needs simply by raising my vibration.

It’s good to be reminded, but I am so very tired right now. I guess I’ll start the protocol tomorrow and see how I feel after the 2nd.

πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ

Common sense and compassion – Immigration

Is there a word that means both? A combination of these two ideals.

So I have conflicted ideas about ICE and immigration raids and the way we handle the border issues. I’m not saying I have the answers but then again, cruelty isn’t the way either. Is it? Cruelty begets cruelty; almost always unfortunately.

I saw this image yesterday, I’m sure some of you have seen it.

This and the horrid conditions at the detention centers should be unnaceptable. Completely unnaceptable!!

Then to read sanctuary cities aren’t letting ICE detain immigrants who have broken laws, even serious crimes is ridiculous.

How much of what the media reports is for shock value and not exactly the complete truth? There is usually no way to know for sure. Even me……simple little me can think of more humane and sensible ways to tackle these issues.

Aren’t there cities in the nation that are wanting more citizens? There are industries struggling for workers. Aren’t there? Agriculture? Low wage industry job, like custodial, hospitality, food industries, mass chain companies.

Every situation has a win/win. Those that can’t be found are simply cases of lack of ingenuity and inclusion of people that can see beyond the narrative.

Doesn’t treating people that are literally at our very borders this badly constitute a potential violent crisis in the making? It’s one thing to mistreat poor people on the other side of the globe. (Not that it is acceptable.) But quite another to hurt your own neighbor and not expect repercussions. These kids will grow up. They will remember. Then what?

People are so narrow minded and close sighted. Open your hearts. It improves your vision. πŸ™„πŸ€£πŸ€£