Freak Out

The teenager called me freaking out. She found a pimple type thing in her nether regions and she was disturbed to say the least. She said it was like but unlike a pimple and big. I explained that in that area all sorts of things happen: ingrown hairs, pimples, sores, rashes, herpes, hemehrroids, on and on. She was getting a bit hysterical so I calmed her down as much as I could and told her I’d pop it when I got home.

When I got home a few hours later and asked her about it she broke down in tears. She told me that when she went to put witch hazel as I told her too after we got off the phone the blemish was completely gone. She says to me that because it knew she was coming for it, it decided to hide inside of her. Not trying to dissuade her I ask her where it went and she points to her ovaries. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Try as I might to explain to her that it was better gone than there she just wasn’t having it. She proceeds to tell me she hadn’t slept well and had woken up tired and emotional and hadn’t wanted to go to school. All while crying on the floor of the dining room. I sat with her and listened, lightly massaging her feet and calves.

I explained that the IUD had her hormones raging stronger than she was used to and that she was fine. I told her to honor her emotions and not feel overwhelmed or let herself feel overwhelmed but know it’s ok. She’s ok. She’s just having a normal human experience of heavy emotions. It’s perfectly fine. “Let yourself cry, it feels good”.

——

I wonder…..

I’ve been doing all this healing and grounding and centering and such. I do feel the energy more. I do feel stronger…just in general. Could I have remotely cured her blemish without even attempting to do so? All I had done was try to soothe her emotions. Could she have cured herself? Obviously some spontaneous healing happened. Blemishes, even cysts don’t just disappear in a matter of minutes. She was freaking out and I didn’t want to harp on it. Although I did mention that as a possibility once she calmed down. Don’t know.

——

But to finally feel like I’m coming into being who I’ve been all along. It’s beautiful and it doesn’t scare me as much as it had been just very recently even. Knowing it’s ok. Knowing I have the space and time I need to become who I was meant to be at my own pace. Knowing I’m safe. God is with me. I have some power and control over it. Some…..although today proves that when the healing wants to come it comes…….

I’m just the conduit obviously, God decides and that suits me just fine. Otherwise…it would all seem silly (like today’s blemish) or devastating (like when I can’t seem to help someone).

The instructor yesterday was so right. I asked him about the client I had seen and how she rejected my energy. He said “see how powerful she is and she doesn’t even know it, imagine if she used that for good, to benefit herself and others”. So much of this is clicking. It makes some of the strange things that have happened to me make perfect sense.

I hope I can go much further. I hope I can experience things I’ve never imagined or dreamed of. I hope God opens doors to spirit I never even knew existed.

What a wild ride…. straddling material and spiritual worlds. A wild ride indeed.

I want it all….

and life has reinforced the belief that if I wait…..it will be provided. I honestly can’t tell you how many times I’ve needed something and I put it out into the universe and it comes into my stratosphere. Maybe not in a timely fashion always, maybe sometimes I have to work hard for it, but not always, sometimes very easily….. it’s there… available to me.

I’ll give you a simple, silly example. I wanted a set of Pyrex glass cookery. The outlet had them but just the single large pasta pot was $62 not even including the lid. We lived in Murrieta at the time but I was going to be visiting a friend in Long Beach so I left a few hours early and hit up one of my favorite thrift stores. The Salvation Army boutique store. Sure enough as soon as I walk in there sits a full set of pans in excellent condition on display for only $60.

I swear it was one of those moments where the light was shining down on them as if they were there waiting for just me. I’m sure you’ve had this happen. I no longer consider this coincidence. I now firmly believe that the universe wants to fulfill our needs, our dreams, our desires. If we leave the space and time and take steps towards it….. it comes, not always though because we have to allow that the universe has it’s own agenda too sometimes.

But…….. this is me allowing for life to provide in whatever fashion it decides. So far it’s led me to some pretty spectacular places, people, experiences and ideas. Who am I to question it? Not that it’s been easy always, but considering I was promised nothing to begin with…. I have zero complaints.

Wishing you happiness and your all…. just make it count…..please. 😉

💖💋🌈🌷🤗🙏🏽

Interesting Day – quiet solo sex

I felt pretty good all day. I laid in the sun for a bit, played with the kids, made myself an ice cream sundae, watched a little TV and saw a client. I didn’t do any intention healing on her but when she left my hand was throbbing, which is always a sign that I’ve done some healing.

I guess it is like the teachers said yesterday, once you’re a conduit it will pour out of you to those you touch or within your immediate vicinity, like it or not. You don’t have control since it’s divinity deciding.

Now…..the great thing about this energy work is that you get first dibs. The energy passes through you first. So ideally and theoretically you should get a boost of it…… I somehow feel like I’m missing the blueprint to that though.

I still felt pretty good all day. If any sad or fearful thoughts came up I simply redirected them. I’m working on this. I’m being very intentional about my thoughts. I can’t be all blah blah blah about my convictions. I really need to walk this walk. I really want to walk the walk. Ok soul….. let’s do this.

——

On another note. I really want to masturbate but it’s so damn quiet in this house and noise travels so well. Practically impossible to have sex in this house without others knowing unless you’re the quiet as a mouse type, which even solo I generally am not. This house is over 100 years old. I’m sure lots and lots of sex was had in it; even before I rented it out as a BDSM Airbnb for those few months. I was looking at a random girls feed on FetLife and I could swear some of her photos were taken in my “red room”…..but who’s complaining? Just funny and fun. Lol

Grandma’s Dying Wish

Someone said that to me in class yesterday. I was relaying the story of my first “haunting” experience where I was pushed or pulled or brought to this consciousness of healing. I mean yes….I had many other experiences before but this one was so poignant it simply couldn’t be ignored, but I never saw it as her dying wish before yesterday. So this was a new take on a story that still brings me a lot of emotion and sorrow.

My grandmother was dying. She was literally on her deathbed. Fortunately everyone sacrificed to have her stay home for hospice. I would come by as much as I could, which wasn’t as much as I wish I had, to sit with her. It had been at least a month she had not spoken at all to me. She was almost completely vegetative. And least of all in English. She had reverted back to her native language (Spanish) during her last year of life.

I was caressing her arm talking to her and just sitting with her. All of a sudden she sits up in bed, stares me in the eye, grabbing my hand and says “your touch heals me”. Then just as quickly she laid back down and I never saw her open her eyes again. She died a week later.

I’ve had other instances of this sort of thing, mostly with strangers. It just got to the point where I couldn’t run from it anymore. Do I believe we all have this innate ability? I absolutely do. Like the teachers said yesterday “anything one of us can do, any of us can do”. Jesus said this himself, didn’t he?

Call it what you will….love…. healing…. evoking spirit….. prayer…. energy work. It’s all basically the same thing. I am still trying to figure out how to control it better. How to be less porous. I’ll get there. Meanwhile I don’t know about doing it as a stand alone thing. Not now at least. Maybe one day.

I’m going to take a course called Laser Reiki next. I’m super excited about it. I don’t have intentions of being a Reiki Master though. I like my own groove….. I like where I’m going in life doing my own thing.

Wishing you your own sweet groove.

🥰💖🙏🏽🌈💋🌷

No Sex? Yeah right!

Ok. Let’s not get all crazy and think my blog will revert to only posts about colonics and religion. God that would be boring.

I’m guessing I’ll find a lover….. eventually….to help pass the time until I can figure out what the hell I’m doing in life. Abstinence is so not my thing. I’m horny now. Lol. But I’m also not in a hurry…..

I’m feeling very serendipitous. When it comes it will come. There is no rush. Not like I’ve never had it before. Not like I can’t go a while without it. Not like sex clubs don’t exist where I can at least voyeur when I feel compelled to and dress up as sexy and slutty as I please.

Life is good!!

Yep, yep. Not giving it another option. Nope! No other options will be allowed or considered at this time. Thank you!

Wishing you a no option but good day!

😂🙏🏽🌈💖🥰

Emotions are like waves

They just keep coming.

Brad and I had a hard break last night. I was struggling even before this happened, but now….

I’m feeling discombobulated. All this stress and all these lessons are coming too fast and furious.

I need to allow for more ease. I’m feeling emotionally unstable and it’s all I can do to contain myself right now. I need to get to a place where I am emotionally ok regardless of what is happening outside of myself. Now is the time. I have to start seeking out healthy solutions. I have to reach into myself and reach out into the universe to call on the strength I need right now. I have to believe it’s there, available for me whenever I am struggling….like this.

——–

I’m not sure how realistic it is to think I’ll find a man that will love and appreciate my children, treating them respectfully and kindly. I was on high vigilance with Brad around my kids because he is the first man I’ve brought around them. One of them didn’t care for him truth be told* and last night he said something to the effect of “I like them now but they aren’t teenagers yet, who knows if I will like them at 13, we’ll have to see.”. He said this in complete seriousness.

Now I recognize that he has been down this road before with his ex; who’s daughter he helped raised. Maybe he has fallout from that but I didn’t want these circumstances in my life. I didn’t ask for all this entanglement. Those kiddos are my life and any man that can’t love them or at the very least tolerate and treat them well isn’t the guy for me. Period. This sealed the nail on that coffin pretty tightly for me.

Maybe I’m not meant to marry again, that’s a possibility, right? Maybe right now I have bigger fish to fry. I need to concentrate on me……the sexual tension will now have to be relieved through exercise….which is fine. My ass needs the toning anyway. I have a few months left of my gym membership. Better get to using it. I need to turn myself back into a morning person and stop staying up until the wee hours. Maybe force myself to head to the gym first thing or do yoga at home or something. No exercise just ain’t cutting it. My mental health is at stake here….. especially now. Most especially now.

But I also need to pray more and allow for more space and healing of my own life. I’m going to give my house a deep blessing tomorrow. Calling on angels. Recruitment in process. Stand guard my beloveds…..for me please.

Here’s another prayer I learned today.

I’m sorry

Forgive me

Thank you

I love you

Say it to yourself. Say it to someone to bless them. Say it to someone you want to forgive or forget. Say it to the world. Let’s let the healing of the entire world….of every single one of us truly begin. Shall we?

——-

*But this was a combination I think of her having a very strong allegiance to her father and also as she told me “is it going to last? Will you get married and then get divorced?” (Ouch) She can’t bare the thought of getting attached to someone and having them leave. She is such a tender hearted child. She is so unique that one. Obviously we all are, but she radiates at a bit higher level is all. More authentic and cerebral and soul sensitive. Like everything and everyone all with it’s own unique set of pluses and minuses.

They said something interesting in the class. ‘You’ve been being yourself…. who you were suppose to be” and fortunately we can improve on that and find true happiness if we wanted to by opening our awareness of who we truly are and finding our own unique path within this world. Simple yet…….

(Back to the story)

——-

Boy I absolutely love this uplifting and funny and cute and makes you want to laugh and maybe even cry kind of stuff. It makes my heart feel so good.

Asking life for health, wealth, freedom & fun

A simple reiki prayer I learned today. One of several.

I loved the class…the teachers were a hoot. Talk about conspiracy theory advocates. Wow!! But I’m all for it. I’d rather live in a world where people question authority than in a world that blindly follows it.

I have to start muscle testing. I’ve tried it several times but now I have to really just do it. I have to learn to start trusting myself and I have to trust that God has my back all the way.

Ease

Ease

Ease

“Thank you God for the continuing and expanding ease with all that life presents.”