Chocolate and Viagra: the two shall meet one day

Chocolate:

Oh how I love thee
You perk me up, give me a love boost

Make me feel so yummy inside

One day I’ll incorporate you into my sex life

Maybe that tarp idea is good for more than just oiled up sex

Like those girls that wrestle covered in hot oil

Except involving orgasms

I will do that too one day.

—–

Last night I came and then came again

And had a mini orgasm in between those two rather splendid end caps

I can’t remember the last time that happened.

Whoever invented Viagra

Let me buy you a beer

💋💖

——

You would think I feel bad that Brad rarely ever orgasms. It’s a fleeting thought here and there.

The feeling of a man orgasming inside you, on you, for you, with you, deep, deep in you. I’m not gonna lie, it’s fucking yummy.

But not having to give it any thought at all and just thinking of my own orgasm. Well. It’s its own blend of spectacular. And I don’t have to deny him of my own accord.

The only problem to this equation is that it’s a health issue and not a determined and purposely implimented regimen. But…I choose to see the blessing within the curse. Especially when it involves me screaming “God yes!!!!”

Kratom

I was going to try Kratom today. I theoretically enjoy hallucinogens very much. I say theoretically because I haven’t done any in well over 2 decades. Kratom is a mild drug but it’s addictive. I’m not sure how it affects your body honestly. Tonight won’t be the night to try.

Tonight I’m settling for a heavy dose of THC. Woot woot! It’s nice to know it won’t impact my liver and that nomatter how much I take I can’t overdose. Plus I fortunately don’t get munchie attacks. Tomorrow I can sleep in.

All is calm. All is bright.

2019. Here I come.

To peg or not to peg, NSA data center reviews

Pegging; I love it. I hadn’t realized it had been a few months. I got the harness secured to where it was stimulating my clitoris and that added so much pleasure to the event.

I find it absolutely mouth-wateringly yummy. To each their own….. fortunately! I dont particularly like this dildo but I do love pulling the tip in and out and this bulb makes that experience good for both of us.

——-

Brad and I we’re talking about the data center in Utah today at lunch and OMG. If you need some mirth and amusement in your life read the google reviews. Fricking hysterical!

NSA Utah Data Center

Orgasm delight, soap opera fights, work and faith

I orgasmed finally. Yippee-kay-yay!!!

I feel normal again. It’s like a pressure cooker situation where the release brings me back to a static base. I can breath. Things don’t aggravated me as easily. This works in Brad’s favor. Lol. Yesterday pre-orgasm we got in a huge fight. He screamed at me. I was on the verge of crying but I didn’t let myself.

He begged for forgiveness afterwards and it wasn’t that he asked but what he said that allowed me to forgive him. He told me what he saw. He told me how his actions affected me and how it tore him up inside seeing me suffer so deeply. He told me the story and relayed the emotion. He was completely accurate in his assessment of my inner turmoil and how his actions affected me. We even went over the whole thing once we both calmed down some.

Still not sure how to avert it from happening again…..but more orgasms wouldn’t be a bad start.

He did this thing last night when he was half erect and he had my legs up and I can’t say exactly what it was he was doing but I was quivering and panting with pleasure. Interestingly I was not even close to orgasm. It wasn’t building up tension. It was just intense pleasure. I didn’t want it to stop. I didn’t care that it wasn’t leading anywhere. It felt so damn good. This was a first. We’ll have to discuss and maybe diagram what that was because it MUST be repeated.

Then we invented a new game. He held my breast and with every intonation of his voice he squeezed them. Think of those motion dolls that dance to music except this was his hand on my boob. Then I did the same with his balls. I made up a story and everytime it got intense I would squeeze hard. We were laughing so hard….. well…. I was… and he was too in between sqeels of pain.

——–

I think I’m realizing that when we argue it’s not always about whatever we happen to be heated about. It’s about more or even less sometimes. Sooo why take it all so seriously? We aren’t talking about life or death issues. We aren’t talking about issues that can have consequences if not settled correctly.

That said, we do have to learn to navigate each other better. I absolutely won’t take any more occurrences like last night. Heated arguments truly aren’t my thing. I got over the desire for passionate soap opera type fights in my 20’s. Now I just want to be happy. I just want ease. I just want spectacular orgasms. Doesn’t seem much to ask for. Right?

——-

After the last blog entry Brad said he was absolutely going to stop reading this. Lol. I believe his intention but I question his resolve. Guess we’ll see.

——-

I’m busy still trying to find a naturopath to work with me. It’s not about money. I know it could potentially be very financially lucrative, but like all things in life…I just want a good fit. I want someone that sees my vision and understands my ideology.

Yesterday I saw a client that I’ve seen for a while. He has lime disease and is doing an intense IV protocol. I have always suspected Lime was parasitic. Sure enough. Even though I’ve seen him for months I finally saw parasites coming out of him. It was a bittersweet sight. Then he tells me his wife has SIBO which I also suspect to be parasitic and would make sense since they cohabitate.

I need to find either a green naturopath that is open to believing that degenerative diseases are parasite driven or a learned naturopath willing to move into parasite killing protocols. I don’t want to even entertain the idea of having to entice someone financially. That would run completely against my heart.

Yes. We all have to live. We all have to eat and make a living. But I ABSOLUTELY refuse to do it off the backs of people, especially people desperately wanting health issues resolved.

I myself was there not that long ago. I was so sick suicide seemed almost a welcome and acceptable solution. So if anyone gets it…I do. Which is why I am desperate to bring this healing to others. If people could see and experience what I saw they’d understand. It’s scary and hard and amazing… all at the same time. It’s nothing like Western medicine. So I get that it’s hard for people to wrap their heads around. 15 years ago I would be holding a pitch fork too. Lol. No. I wouldn’t. But I get it. Changing paradigms is not easy.

But I can’t sit on the sidelines. I just can’t. I’m hoping once I get up and running, being able to offer a modified version of the Gerson Therapy for people that need to work and have a semblance of a life that Brad will join me. All I can do is offer. It’s not something I would ever force on anyone. Part of healing is wanting it and it’s not exactly easy. Sooo… he will need to decide for himself.

God will open a path…..I have faith. And if not this path… then something else. I have to believe….like the reiki healer said “this or better”. I leave it all in much better hands than mine. I will just keep moving ahead. This is where I need to be…. right? If not why would I be here? 😘💋💖

Volatile

I’m pissed. Pissed that this blog has reverted to a complaint board about my relationship with Brad. But here goes yet again…….

He’s always telling me to add pictures and will I say this or I should add that to my blog? I disregard most of what he says simply because my creative expression is my own and I feel zero obligation to him in that regard. I know he gets it.

I had weird dreams last night. In one segment Brad and I were trying to get to our car to leave. We both thought we knew where it was. We then got on an elevator and he proceeds to just take out his dick. The gentleman also wanting to get on backs off and remains waiting staring at Brad in disbelief. I shook my head side to side, sighed, rolled my eyes and said nothing. What was there to say?

It very much resembled our reality. Last night we both got aggravated and upset with each other on and off through the night. When we were finally alone I wanted to talk and clear the air. We sat on the couch and he took out his soft dick and placed my hand on it. To say I was world’s away from feeling horny was an understatement. Eventually he got the hint and put it away.

We settled nothing and he left soon after. We haven’t talked since. We are both such emotional people. We both tend to not always give each other the benefit of the doubt and add to that his keen ability to see himself as the martyr in the equation. It’s beyond frustrating and with neither of us getting sex it becomes worse as we are both very much sex driven.

Counseling earlier this week went well. We are still learning how to own our feelings and then express them non-threateningly. It’s a steep learning curve for both of us.

I crave intimacy with him so desperately but because it doesn’t translate so well into the bedroom there seems to be no make-up sex option for us. Theoretically I could torture him, but because that is born from desire and lust I don’t feel inclined.

It’s days like this that it pisses me off that he reads my blogs. That my ex reads them too and probably grins like the Cheshire cat about our issues.

I mostly hate that I don’t seem to have the capacity to fix this. I believe myself to be a competent, intelligent, savvy, resourceful, first rate problem solver. That’s my jam. Guess I better wipe off those honorary titles from my self professed accolades.

Why is this sooo hard??? For fuck sakes.