I haven’t given up on my spiritual quest. Frankly I couldn’t, even I do wanted to.
Some people live their lives in terms of money. Some people think I’m terms of popularity. Some think I’m terms of connection to others. Some think in terms of their career and or other accomplishments.
We all have the things that drive us. The things that we sit and think about unprompted by circumstances. The things that invade our deepest desires and insecurities.
One of those things has always been and will always be spirituality for me. It’s not necessarily a form of comfort, because truth be told it’s been a wild adventure that hasn’t always been pleasant and it’s sometimes actually been scary.
It’s also not something I do in some bid to gain access to heaven. It’s more about an inner instinct that drives me to find out for myself what my beliefs are. How I fit into this world. What I see and understand vs what I’m told to see and understand. What I accept and know as truth vs what I’m told to accept as truth.
And seeing the blaring differences for myself. Seeing the ideals people mostly just pay lip service to and the detriments on society and the world for the hypocrisy of that. And understanding that what we think is necessary and of importance in this life is mostly all hogwash.
That we are roped into believing things that are (to me) unequivocally false. And yet we all accept these shackles as unavoidable. It all truly baffles my mind.
And yet it also captivates me profoundly. And I think of it throughout the day. I think of my soul when I go to sleep, and when I wake up.
What I want to achieve is reaching a point where my actions and thoughts follow my ideals.
I truly feel we are all connected. All one. So…… I want and need to bring that forth. How does that look? What does that feel like? What does that mean?
It’s what I’ve been grappling with this last week. Bringing that out. Standing firm in my beliefs and walking that walk. Plus next week I resume my spiritual mentoring with Jan.
I firmly believe that my spirituality is what has been able to keep me grounded in this world much more than anything else or anyone else ever has or will. And I am grateful to have this inner awareness. I am grateful to see the signs and understand the teachings I have had.
But I also know this does not predicate that my life is worthwhile because of this. It doesn’t make me special. If anything, I can fully acknowledge that this may just be my mind’s way of entertaining itself and making sense of it all. It could all be a farce and complete waste of time.
But to me, the spiritual experiences I have had far outweigh most all other experiences; by leaps and bounds.
And if I’m wrong and it’s all just more smoke and mirrors that’s fine too. Because this spiritual quest, with the general feelings of love and compassion, along with the virtues of truth, courage, charity, humility, tolerance, patience, mercy, etc. seem to me to be the cornerstones for personal growth, peace of mind, and true inner happiness.
And I don’t need anyone to believe me or drink my Koolaid. I’m happy simply being able to pursue my next grand adventure. To forge my own path in the jungle of my life. To be able to be the person I know I am meant to be.
It’s emerging slowly. And I no longer think it need be a this or that situation. It needn’t be follow my dreams or find my soulmate or have a flourishing successful career. It should be able to have it all. Well….that’s the hope at least and for the firat time I’m actually allowing that possibility.
Now to figure out how. Lol