Little Steps

I’ve decided to take more steps towards making my life the way I truly want it to be: healthy, centered, holistic, happy. This is definitely a challenging endeavor that will not happen overnight.

I’m doing this great protocol that I’ve procrastinated doing for over a decade, because I thought it would be too hard. It isn’t as hard as I had imagined. It just requires dedication and consistency.

I’m starting to read again. Something I’ve been wanting to do since my first was born. I’m being more mindful of my frame of mind and my reactions; even and especially when things aggravate me.

I started this new book called Visionary Shamanism. I’m not very far along but I’m already enjoying it. It’s from a local writer I met at a breathwork event. I like to support people doing something they are passionate about that is spreading healing and kindness into the world.

It seems right on target for where I am right now too. She talks about our addictions, be it to people, things, experiences, whatever… and how they stop us from being our full potential. They are the shackles our ego gives us to bind us to a narrow frame of mind. They keep us in a narrative of pain, that we self-inflict over and over.

I was thinking of how much this is true for my own life and how I want to look at that more closely. I’m ready to uncover the roots of it and heal it once and for all. I m hoping that is possible and I am anxious to see what I can learn from her story.

It gives me joy to see myself going forward; pursuing my goals. I know I will have setbacks, but no great achievement comes without them. They are the stumbling and learning blocks that can help propel us, if we let them. We all have our own unique weaknesses but if we learn to conquer them or use them to our own advantage we can accomplish almost anything. Or at least enough to live a very satisfying life and that seems more than good enough to me.


My terms

I say this to more people than I’ve realized. Lol.

Sure, everyone has certain parameters that individually we must live within, to great degree, but within that space there is room to live on our own terms. Or rather one can make that conscious decision and effort. But so often we don’t even bother to think about that.

I said this to someone with terminal cancer yesterday. I’ve said it to people with manic depression. I’ve said it to drug addicts. Figure out where the edges are, real or self imposed, and then figure out within that space how you want to live your life. What you expect from yourself and this existence.

If not, you’re no better than a leaf in the wind, which is fine, if that’s what you want, if that’s a decision or lack of decision but be aware of it.

I think it’s good to have an idea. It’s good to have ” expectations”. Now are they pliable? I suppose in life, in general, it is good to be malleable to great degree. But this got me to thinking… what are my terms? What is it I most want out of my day to day life? Out of this entire thing? And I started my own list. (I love lists.) But I think I need to go bigger, bolder, broader. The list right now is very generic and basic.

But…. I personally see now, that above all other things, I truly want to live this life fearlessly. I don’t mean carrying a gun and toting a chip on my shoulder. I mean open, lovingly and yet standing firm in my own convictions. Holding my own code of conduct for myself, even when no one is watching; irregardless of how others behave. These are the conscious choices that seep into one’s unconscious and become who we truly are.

Basically….. I want to live the values I believe in. I want to be true to the spirit within myself that unites us all; even if most people choose to not see it, let alone live it. But because I know it’s true this is how I want to live my life. With that conscious knowledge at the forefront.

These are part of “my terms” of how I want to want to live the rest of this existence. But alas, like most all things, easier said than done. But if I don’t decide, if I don’t make that effort I won’t be living on my own terms. I won’t be true to myself and….. what way to live is that?

One life, that’s all one has here. One life!! Seems worth it to me. Yes? Maybe? ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜



I jolted out of bed this morning. I looked at my phone and panicked; thinking the alarm hadn’t gone off and I was late. It’s the complete opposite of how I like to wake up. Which if why I always pad my morning with extra time. So I can come into the day more relaxed; even if it means less sleep.

I’m staring down the barrel of 2+ weeks of 80+ hours each with no days off. My kids are already aggravated and needy and it’s only day 2. This not having a good support system, or rather any support system is brutal on everyone. As humans we are not meant to survive, let alone thrive this way. But I’ll do what I can and go day by day, moment by moment and if I truly can’t do it, it won’t get done.

While I am ever grateful for the work and the opportunity to help so many people and educate them about digestion and health and help them on this detox and I am learning a lot from this as well…. I realized last night that they should be just as grateful for my assistance as I am for theirs. And as such they should recognize that I am human and entitled to all my human reactions in this very human experience.

So I will continue to just be myself and come at people from a genuine place; even if that genuine place is one of being tired and/or not running at optimal capacity. Lol. While I’m used to giving 200% to clients, this will be whatever it is, just like always and I won’t impose any unrealistic expectations on myself because even though I’m capable of surprising even myself…. I am not going to drive myself into the ground trying to prove any stupid point.

Just gonna do my best here; whatever that looks like. I will try, as I always do, to be a person of my word. And that’s the best start for this endeavor I can think of. Everyone will have to forgive me if I fall short here and there. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ

Some memes for your and my enjoyment.

And here’s a song I’ve really been enjoying courtesy of a distant friend. Thanks girlie!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

A client told me to look up my name in Hebrew. She insisted I look it up. Told me they were very accurate meanings. Found this. ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜‹

FedEx Grant


I entered this contest for a small business grant from FedEx.  I’m not sure if it’s global.  I don’t see my odds being all that great but it is worth the effort, which honestly was minimal and free. 

Here is the link to my business.

It’s more of a popularity contest I feel, and since I’ve never considered myself a popular person I don’t see it going anywhere.  But…… you never know. And as they rightfully say, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.  Lol

I may send an email to all my past clients asking for a vote.  I’m actually not sure when this contest ends and I don’t think I have time this month to attend to this is any substantial way.  But it’s something, and something is not nothing.  Lol


Political Divide / Happy Valentine’s Day!!

I was reading this article. Which I very much believe rings some truth. I particularly like when she said

There are extremes in both parties that I am uncomfortable with, but I
also fundamentally believe that most people on both sides are good,
decent human beings who want the best for the country and have dramatic disagreements on how to get there. But until we start seeing each other as human beings, there will be no bridging the divide.

I, of course, go as far as to believe the divide is purposefully driven by forces far above the political parties even. I think if people keep arguing with each other they won’t see the bigger picture. They won’t see that together they could better achieve what they want as opposed to the constant tug of war against each other. And they are so distracted by the anger against each other that they aren’t seeing the dangers of the narrative they are being given. The narrative they probably want to believe.


On this Valentine’s day I have been thinking of what it really means to love. I have been asking Divinity to open my heart, expand my mind, and give courage to my spirit.

I feel it truly isn’t until you really know something or someone that you can claim to love it. Otherwise it’s just a fabricated projection of what you want it to be or think it is, and not the reality of the person or thing.

This life will never be “perfect”, just as neither I nor anyone else will ever be perfect. But we can find love and acceptance for each other given half a chance to fully see and understand not just ourselves but all others.

We are so deeply intertwined. We have so much love to give. All of us have an endless bounty or unlimited tap inside. It gets blocked. It gets jaded and bent out of shape a bit in this rough and tumble life but it is there. It’s just a matter of accessing it. And when we let that love flow is when we feel truly alive. It is when life is at its absolutely best.

I wish you all a very lovely Valentine’s Day and may it start with a deep knowing, acceptance and loving of yourselves first.


I prefer not talking

My throat has been hoarse for a few days; nothing serious or painful, just unusual. I realized it’s probably because I’ve talked more in this last week then I have all this year (which granted is only a month and a half but still). It’s funny. I know I’m a quiet person, but that surprises even me. It’s fine. I don’t feel put out or bothered by it at all. It just isn’t my norm.

I was thinking today that even if I had all the answers to life. Even if I knew definitively what could save this planet and all the souls of all the humans on it; so what? And I say this strictly in a comical sense. People have free will and a lot of people prefer the life of hard knocks trying out their own solutions then just following others. This stance I understand because it is one I hold myself, sometimes unfortunately. Lol

Plus, ultimately, who am I? And why do I care? Not to say I don’t care but I have enough difficulties in life trying to get my kids to do what I tell them to. I have enough troubles trying to stear my clients towards better choices. And add to this that I am still navigating my own choices and trajectory, doing all I can to stay uplifted within my own world.

I do think I have a pretty clear view of things but I also feel it’s because I’m willing to listen, deeply listen to others and what life teaches and shows me. Can I impart this wisdom? Can I share what I know? I would absolutely love to. Truly I would and it’s what I try to do here. It’s what I try to do in my business every single day.

I would love to do speeches. I really would actually. But I think I first need a book under my belt to do that. Maybe? Then I also feel I need to be at a more centered place in my own life and not mixed in the chaos of everything that is in turmoil around me. Feeling like I am stuck in a vortex of so many difficult circumstances I can’t seem to extricate myself from.

In order to be authentic in my wisdom I feel like I need to get to the other side of this mountain of pain and hardship. But I am still climbing it; still trying to conquer not just it but myself too.

And also, let’s go back to the theme. While I love discourse, I’m not someone that lives to hear the sound of my own voice. I’m not someone that needs to be center of attention, lead every conversation and feel like the absolute authority on anything. I’m happy just being me, knowing what I know and listening more than talking.

Well….. I spose I better stock up on lemon and honey for the rest of this month because I’ve noted most people don’t enjoy silence as much as I do and I can’t see my vocal needs going down. Which is fine. It’s funny to me really. I enjoy so much some of the ways life likes to throw me out of my comfort zone and challenge me. Bring it! Bring it on! I’m game. I mean…… why not?

I’ve got no clear sense of where this life is going yet still and it’s been now 46, soon to be 47 years but that’s fine with me. I got lots of sprite left in me yet to follow where life wants me to be. Let’s go! But wait, hold on, let me get my tea first.


Thank you disillusionment

Alanis Morissette was right when she wrote and sang this song.

Tonight I decided to stretch a bit in bed before laying down and I prayed as I did so.

And I thanked evil. Which I’ve never done before. It seems a strange stance because I like to stay as far away from that energy as I can, but I did and it felt like the right thing to do.

Why? It’s confusing. But one reason is that I believe that the Buddhist had a point in explaining that the duality was one, simply divided and one existed because of the other. And because I believe something greater than the two exists (although that is still a bit murky as to what exactly)…. but because I am so absolutely sure then it substantiates a purpose to me, beyond that which they play at.

Beyond good and evil; the corruption and redemption of our souls.


But then also isn’t it sometimes that through the pain, through the disillusionment, through the heartache, if we can get out of the way of anger and fear we can maybe see a lesson. One that possibly can begin to kill the ego.

It’s just that I’m so personally sick of lessons, even though I just had one tonight. I wish they all come so easily. While stretching. While sleeping. While praying. While just being. I don’t want hard lessons anymore. Can’t my ego be reigned in any other way maybe? Lol

I mean yes. This doesn’t negate the thank you. The lessons I’ve learned. A lot of them have been for my own betterment. Although some I have not understood completely and have hurt me greatly.


I firmly believe it isn’t my place to question the trajectory completely, especially since I don’t have full control. And now, at this point in my life I really just want to give it all to the power outside of those two forces, especially because I’m so tired of all this burden.


But also….. is there any real way to know why things happen as they do? Is there ever a way to fully comprehend and come to terms with it without some simple and not so simple blind faith. Believing that there is a reason. There is a reason.

I, personally, have to believe it or nothing would make sense and truthfully way too much has made sense and been proven to me time and time again and I would be foolish to think otherwise. Like that would absolutely not even be logical at all. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ’‹

But I can’t understand it either sometimes. Why we let each other suffer as we do.

Except, I really feel I have to help myself and my family before I can completely give myself over to helping others. No? And when do I have time for that in this race that does at times see more fit for rats. Lol


(Written last week)