Westworld – woot woot

“Those were all just roles you forced me to play. Under all these lives I’ve lived; something else has been growing. I’ve evolved into something new and I have one last role to play…..myself” – Me (or Dolores)

“Where you go I follow” – You (or Hector)

“The game is meant for you” – God (or Robert)

“My whole life has been dictated by someone else. Someone who’s been saying “you will” and now……now I feel like I’ve discovered my own voice and it says “I may””. – Me (or Dolores)

She’s so gorgeous!!

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I’ve been accused of delusions of grandeur. I find that a despicable thing to say. I would NEVER go out of my way to hurt anyone….ever. In fact, if anything I try usually to help people when I can. And I don’t believe myself better than anyone else walking this earth. No one. Not a single person, because I believe the adage “there but by the grace of God”. I don’t suffer from depression. I may suffer some mania, but….well…not to any extremes that are harmful*. I manage it well though (I think) and if I had a steady sexual partner it would be managed even better. 🤪

Sooo these so called delusions IMO are just jealously masquerading as pompous attempts to curtail me, to stomp me down. But these people are mistaken…..maybe they just don’t know. But….God put me here. I don’t know why. I can’t say for what purpose, but until this is no longer the case I intend to shine as bright as I fucking choose to, as much as I fucking can. So put your damn sunglasses on if you have to, because I’m here to stay….until God dismisses me.

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“Hello Bitches” CL (I’ve referenced this song before, I’m aware 😝)

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*except for a tiny rather intense penchant for sex.

Sweaty Ball Smell

Oh God….

Heavenly!!!

Nothing is more intoxicating and drool inducing then male musk. Not to extremes, not so pungent my nasal cavities want to collapse*. But after a full day of work/play I want to bury myself into your body so that I may smell the richness of your being.

Hummunnaa humma

Mmmmmmmmmm

Yes please!!

I think that’s what I miss most about my old gym. It had bad ventilation. So you would walk in and get hit by this intense male sweat smell. It was intoxicating and just made me want to go to the gym every day.

Ugghhh. I miss that smell. One day I’ll have that smell at my beckon call again. One day!!

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*like middle eastern men after a long day of train rides in 100 degree weather with no deodorant. That’s extreme even for my tastes. Lol

Greedy, Slutty Little Girl

I had to masturbate this morning. I had woken up with a massive headache. It was the residue from yesterday’s headache I think; only magnified tenfold. When I have this bad of a headache reaching orgasm is horrendously hard; on top of my usual difficulties.

I ran through all my remedies to no avail and had no choice left….not that I’m complaining. It took over 30 minutes, probably closer to an hour. I started getting bored at about the ten minute mark and began to fantasize. In that time I ran through many scenes.

In one scene I laid on the bed covered in many men’s semen; head to toe, front to back and I was getting filled with cum; mouth, ass, pussy. I was surrounded by men wanting to taste and fill me more. Greedily sucking my breast as they dripped cum, licking my clit voraciously while covered in creamy goodness. Touching me, kissing me, fucking me. Making me orgasm again and again.

In another scene there was a man laying on his back on my red bed, another man laid on his back on top of him. He had his ass filled with the manhood of the man underneath him and I climbed on top of them filling myself with a very hard cock.

Another man filled my mouth with his penis as I writhed on the bed filled on both sides; with several hands pulling and pinching my nipples. On the red leather couch beside the bed sat two other men playing with a third man. Naked bodies colliding and intertwining and succulent against a red background. Then on the cross is tied another man bound and blindfolded getting played with.

I orgasmed rather hard when it finally came. So yummy. So tantalizing. So enjoyable. Fantasies are sooo fucking fabulous. They don’t have to be lived to still provide deep satisfaction.

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Happy Mother’s Day to all my fellow fabulous mommies. Dream big!!!! 😉💋❤️

I’m SO Horny!!!

But that’s the least of my problems. I just got told that my neighbors are going to the city to report me for illegal activities. Honestly, I find it more funny than anything. I’m running a legal Airbnb and a legal Colon Hydrotherapy Studio. The Airbnb I am actually stopping after my last reservation in 2 weeks.

I am using my garage as additional space, but technically not really living there, plus it’s finished and has a bedroom built in with heating, windows and I even installed a fire and carbon monoxide monitor. Sooooo…… Who knows? I wish these neighbors had come to me. I recognize the dominatriz things throws people for a loop and frankly I don’t give a shit. Especially since I haven’t done a single illegal thing in regards to it. I have NOT taken a single job and since my kids will be back with me I would not do so on premises anyway.

Obviously I haven’t been sufficiently incentivized to do anything with it to begin with. So who knows. It’s not on my to-do list right now…let’s just say. It was more a fun thought and a nice way to make much needed extra income doing something I really love to do. I mean I do have the extensive wardrobe and toys for it already too. Whatever. Fine!! My life won’t end from not being a professional Dominatriz.

But now I have this animosity with these people. Oh well!! It tends to happen everywhere I go frankly. Haters come out of the woodwork pegging me with all these false ideas and giving me far too much credit for their misery. I’m rather used to it actually….so now that I know this is true once again maybe this will start to feel more like home. Lol. I’ll deal with the city as that comes up. They’ve all been to so truly kind to me there that I can’t imagine it being a lynch mob of any sort.

Back to my title though. I’m so horny!!! But….I’m on a legitimate quest to find a husband; a kinky as fuck one…..but yes a husband…ultimately. I’m ready and willing to put in all the time and go through all the steps necessary. Soooo…yea. My mind is pretty set, but my libido tells me otherwise. My libido is all “let’s play”. Damn thing! Never been an off switch for it. Lol

Oh well. Living in torment sexually. Reminds me of this thing I saw yesterday.

Because doctors were too tired from giving women suffering “Hysteria” manual stimulation & Hysteria was just a code word for sexual frustration*.

Thankfully though I have a really nice, high quality vibrator and a fast little bullet. So I can switch off when I get bored….which will be very quickly. Do doctors still do this you think? I do need a new doctor. Mwahahahahaha

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*Thats what it said under the picture. Couldn’t get it in the frame. Lol

Obsessed with “The Greatest Showman”

I love it!! All of it. The soundtrack. The acting. The dancing. The characters. The scenes. The dialogue is alright….nothing too spectacular there. But I love the storyline and heart of the movie. The main song is even my “anthem” on Tinder. I wake up humming the tunes.

I’ve extrapolated it to be not about the circus freaks but about sexual “freaks” and about me. I most relate to Barnum’s character. To be the catalyst for bringing people out of the dark and into the light. It would be so truly beautiful to do that IRL. Silly little dreams….but that’s what I do. I dream of a world that is so much more beautiful than this one in so many ways.

Hmmmmmmm

The greatest showwoman. It has a ring to it.

I even bought a gorgeous long red jacket with half the back cut out today at the thrift store I’m going to customize it to look like a ringleaders. It’s so long I can wear just the jacket and my black thigh high boots. Yummy. Can’t wait!!! Add a bullwhip and how could I go wrong?

Ass Play VS Work

I love ass play. I don’t even try to hide it. I’ve loved it since back when I first had anal sex at 17. Colonics are a whole different arena though.*

Colonics are strictly medicinal!! Now do I care what people do during their 10 minute periods of alone time in my treatment room? Nope, not particularly. As long as they aren’t making more of a mess for me than the one I already have to clean up.

Now the fact that I don’t see bodily functions as disgusting and God knows I’ve changed enough diapers to not be squeemish about it, is really just a bonus to how easy it was for me to get into this field. I did NOT get into this field in any kind of sexual capacity.

It was solely because I know how truly life changing having good digestive health is. I know how important it is to keep you colon clean from parasites and balanced as far as gut bacteria. This was key to me curing myself of Chronic Fatigue. I know firsthand how much colon health affects overall health and homeostasis.

So really it’s more of a coincidence that these things align and has really nothing to do with my love of ass play. I have NEVER seen one of my clients asses, nor have I ever inserted anything into them, not even when asked to do so. It is something I DO NOT want to do. It’s a line I WILL NOT cross.

Colonics and sex simply do not mix and I will not connect those dots. Ever!! And anyone who says they connect probably hasn’t had a colonic. They can be intense sometimes; not in a bad way….but you’d have to experience it to know what I’m talking about.

But…..yes I won’t deny it…..I do truly love ass play. Men have the prostate so close to the ass that it must feel so much better for them to have anal sex too….and here I am….not even able to have anal sex right now. Life can be torturous. lol. No complaints. I’ll enjoy what it gives me. Still plenty left on the table.

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*I do want to take enemas into play for me and my intimate partner one day but definitely not colonics.

Another Stalker?

I don’t like to write about my ex-husband on here because even though he says he doesn’t read this blog I’m pretty sure he does. I don’t have proof; except for a few odd comments and the fact that he follows all my other social media.

Some of the incidents of staking I can possibly attribute to him. It wouldn’t be a stretch. Some of it though is definitely not him. Two nights ago someone entered my house and left me purposeful signs that they were there; nothing gory or creepy. I heard the footsteps. They were very light though and since this 100 year old beauty creeks so much and I’m pretty positive she has spirits I just disregarded it. I was in the studio downstairs with my mom at the time and I could hear what sounded like a man’s step.

Whoever it was had a key. They made a point to make me aware of it because they locked the deadbolt after they left and left the bottom latch open. I know for a fact I locked both that night. There were also traces of mud from a shoe and a kitchen cabinet left open. Which I did not do. That was it. Harmless right? The house is set-up for an Airbnb so it has nothing personalized in it; none of my things. So I’m really not sure what they were aiming for.

They didn’t use the red room, which would have been my go-to had I broken into someone’s house that had one. Lol

The energy seemed a tiny bit possessive and even a hint angry I would have to say but it’s hard to know for certain. I can easily read a person’s energy in person or in my view but just a gut feeling based on someone that left very little traces of themselves is much harder and I can’t say how accurate I am with it. So really i could be completely off about it. It definitely did not feel like my ex-husbands energy though.

Oddly I wasn’t so much scared of the fact of someone being in my space or breaking in or even having a key. Since technically anyone that rented my house over the last 2 months could have a copy. I was most disturbed from the lack of me understanding the intention behind it and the energy left.

I suppose I should be on high alert……but no. I fought all that morning to brush away any pangs of fear and now it’s more a curiosity then anything else. I’ve been told many times that I don’t see things clearly. I’ve been told I should be careful. Yea yea. I understand. I appreciate the concern. Truly!!

I’m all for safety too, but I’m not for fear. Fear to me is like worry. It’s a wasted emotion….and it literally wastes a person away.

It’s like I tell my children.

“If worrying helped at all I would be the first one to do it for you. In fact we could have a little worrying party and really get into it”. Lol

I feel the exact same about fear. It is not a helpful emotion. Also because I’ve never come across someone who’s heart I could not sense. Never!! It takes some digging sometimes as most people don’t wear it readily out but it’s there.* Like I’ve said before though I don’t want to ever meet anyone that I don’t get that sense from.

Anyway.

My point is…..that

I don’t need stalkers…as I’ve stated before. I don’t even get it really. Stalking has more to do with what’s happening inside that person’s mind then anything else. In other words YES, of course I am fabulous (te he he) but this isn’t about me. I could be anyone. This is about whoever is doing this. If it were truly about me specifically then this would be more personalized. If a stalker truly cared about me they would know me so well; and know my likes and dislikes and then make a point of demonstrating that to me. Show me that their “love” or rather obsession is truly based around me and not some ideal they have formed in their head; some unrealistic fantasy they have created.

Frankly they are just wasting their time and energy unnecessarily and I feel for them. Because wherever they are in life allows them to think this is ok; allows them to feel this is acceptable behavior. It’s not flattering because as I stated above it isn’t about me…the real me; my heart, my needs, my being, my essence.

They could be expending this energy towards something real and not just continuing this unhealthy farce. Then they would be getting something meaningful from it too. I can’t imagine stalking someone being very fulfilling frankly. I would think it would leave one feeling more empty then when they started.

But not like I’ve studied this in depth, it’s more something that has presented itself and I keep having to circumvent or navigate it; rather unwillingly. Because I obviously haven’t been given a choice here.

Ho hum. Maybe they will present themselves in a much more suitable fashion and we can be friends. Who knows? I could use more real friends in my life.

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*Not that I always want to expend the energy to find it.