I live in a transient state of mind. Recognizing life is subject to change at any moment.
I make plans. I just don’t hold on tight to them. They don’t become real to me until the moment I do them.
In fact; my most difficult days (as far as stress) are the days that are scheduled top to bottom with activities.
It’s hard to be fluid and also time regimented.
It’s why I allot 2 hours per client. It’s why I like to bubble in extra time between activities. It’s why I try to allow space for downtime each day; even if it has to be as a bookend.
I need fluidity in my life. My soul requires it. There are things I’ve found that augment to the fluidity. Things I’ve mentioned so many times now that it seems torturous to bring up again: yoga, meditation, THC, mindfulness, following your gut instincts, listening to your heart, deep breathing, spending time in nature, watching the world with an open heart and no judgement.
Fluidity is difficult for me in that it isn’t something I can focus on too much or that also will bring me stress. It’s something I must allow in, be aware of and strive for. It takes not so much focus as a redirecting. Like in meditation when you redirect your mind to whatever it is you’re trying to achieve: silence, focus, energy, a specific outcome in life, nothingness, connecting to God, etc. Your mind wanders. It’s what it does.
Fluidity is NOT following the hamster wheel of the brain but rather following the flow of life itself. I like to explain things because I sometimes feel like when I explain it I understand it better myself. Lol. So this is more for my benefit than anyone else’s really.
Brad wants me to, not so much stop sleeping with my ex but to, incorporate him into it. i.e. he wants to be there from now on. He really wants to do double penetration. I’m all for it but I can’t imagine this sitting well with my ex.
It’s so cute to see his enthusiasm. He is also chomping at the bit to go back to the club and have us do a Dom/sub play scene in front of an audience. He such a huge exhibitionist.
He’s here now. Supposedly giving me my daily orgasm. But he got soft on me and I ruthlessly dismissed him to go make us eggs for breakfast and told him his soft dick was completely useless. Lol. It’s so funny and fun to be cruel. I do plan on getting my orgasm in; one way or another. But mentally and physically torturing him is such sweet added bonus. I just can’t help myself.
I do so love MY cock. He knows this. So knocking him down a few pegs is not a bad thing.
Going to go enjoy my eggs now.