This explains a lot – masks and Covid-19

I was wondering why if the Japanese and Chinese populations are completely compliant with the masks they are having a resurgence. It doesn’t bode well for the US, but I couldn’t explain why.

The article claims the aerosol can stay in the air for long periods of time and float for many feet beyond the 6 feet parameter. This now makes perfect sense.

I don’t think we really have a way of containing this thing. Especially not with people wanting to lift the quarantines and resume life as usual.

We have to accept that more people will die.

The sadness comes in that hospitals are going to get overwhelmed, as is happening already in Texas. Which means that people will not get the treatment they need. Which means that people that can possibly survive if treated promptly may not get that chance.

It’s so sad.

I for one absolutely don’t mind going back into strict quarantine. But I’m an introvert. I can do without human contact for an extended amount of time and be relatively fine. But I can see people like my teenagers are not so flexible. And I do believe at least one of them would suffer greatly in her mental health if we did have to do that again.

Maybe we should vote, state by state and let the people decide what to do. As it stands other countries have banned us from traveling to them. And who could blame them really.

We won’t know until the very end, whenever that comes, how this will all truly pan out.

I wish we had a leader more concerned for the populace than his reelection. One that had a solid plan in action. Does he even know that people have died because they took his advice and swallowed disinfectant? Absolutely absurd that someone in charge could be so idiotic. I used to think Bush Jr. was bad and now I feel like apologizing to that man.

Can we re-elect him?πŸ˜’

Trump declares “left wing culture revolution”

I don’t get this guy. I really don’t. A president is supposed to at least pretend to be presidential. Pretend to be a man who unites the country, and cares about all its people. This guy doesn’t even pretend to care about anyone but the select group of people he panders to. And it is truly starting to divide the country in ways I never imagined.

His rally’s don’t even command social distancing or masks. When we are in the middle of the worst pandemic in over a century.

This delusional, selfish, childish, egotistical, irrational, and downright idiotic and dangerous behavior from a man that is supposed to lead one of the greatest countries of this world is appalling.

I am not ashamed. I am in complete shock and disbelief and I can’t even imagine going forward with this man any longer. And I don’t see how we will ever recover from the social upheaval he is creating.

A small part of me feels maybe that his antics will get people to voice their true opinions and bring to the forefront the racism, elitism and dysfunction that permeates our country. That maybe it will rip the band-aid off the systems and belief systems of oppression.

I can only hope that even though his intentions of doing this are purely selfish that the outcome will be one of enlightenment and turning into a new era of recovery and healing for our country.

The thing is…….

we have exposed and are still exposing all this corruption, all these systems of oppression, and all the ways people have been held down; children*, women, poor and minorities that have had their voices squelched, their freedoms, rights and access to equality and justice completely trampled on.

Where not only have people in power not been held accountable but the whole systems of abuse has even been propelled forward by people that knew and either didn’t care, turned a blind eye or in some cases even approved and also partook.

There is a divide growing daily in this country and it scares me a little to see it being stoked by a man that claims his opponents or those that disagree with his views are “evil, bad people”.

A man who values monuments over his own populace. Who was asked by the mayor and the tribe that oversee the land to not go to Mount Rushmore and yet he didn’t care. He simply does as he pleases, says what he wants to and doesn’t seem to have any clue of the consequences of his actions.

I am disappointed. Truly disappointed. But I can’t give this man all the credit. There are people who blindly follow him. There are people that soak up his politics and hatred as a way to express their anger and “rightfully” take it out on others. That place blame on their fellow human beings for their own frustration at a system that truly lets everyone down.

Because no system of oppression truly benefits anyone; especially not people’s souls.

I was wondering yesterday how yes, obviously oppressors get away with oppression through a system of control and power, but that’s because the oppressed also play their part in letting it happen. At some point the dynamic of this changes though and the oppressed stand their ground instead of relent and I believe we are headed that way.

What this entails I don’t know. But if we don’t ALL start being part of a solution I am afraid this will escalate badly for everyone.

It’s one thing to live in a cage when you aren’t aware it’s even there. It’s another to have your cage pointed out to you and rattled when all you ask is to be just as free as those that stand there rattling it. It’s funny to me that no one realizes we are all in our own cages. We simply have cages within cages within cages.

Together we could all truly be free. But instead we create wars, fights and derision with each other. Which isn’t necessary or beneficial to anyone.

Does no one truly see the idiocy of all of this?



And I’m sorry, but if Trump knew months ago that Russia was putting bounties on our troops in Afghanistan and did nothing I truly believe that counts as treason. The other bullshit I really don’t care too much about. His theatrics, his affairs, his misogynistic tendencies are his own fucking lunacy. But this….. this to me is absolutely unacceptable.

How many lives were lost due to his inaction? How many soldiers killed because of his favoritism towards Russia?

I don’t begin to even try to understand how these leaders play their stupid little war games with each other. I don’t claim to understand the subversion and back door politics.

But a man, our president that knew our forces were being hunted down for monetary gain, almost as if for sport and did absolutely nothing. That’s something that I don’t think we can let slide under the rug.

Can we?


*Thinking of all those poor boys that were indeed still children in the Sandusky situation and all the girls that endured decades of abuse under Nassar. Epstein also comes to mind.

Surrounded by evil

No matter how much we want to insulate ourselves and hide in our little bubbles. The truth is we are surrounded by evil. In this world, in this life, within the species, within our reality. The duality of good and bad exists and is in full display always.

The subtlety of the battle of ego vs selflessness rages within us and within the world; to extremes too grotesque to even repeat.

But if we guard from our own thoughts of hatred, anger, inappropriate lust, deception and denial as much as we possibly can; if we allow the beauty of our souls and hearts to transcend into our every day existence, into every moment we can; if we walk with compassion and truth at the forefront…… Evil will not conquer.

I just have to believe that❣️


I need to stop watching the news and social media apps

I keep saying I need to go off social media and the news and I don’t. Thankfully there’s the Good News Network and not everything on Reddit is bad. Just that some of it is really putrid and shows some of the most incompassionate and retched thoughts this world can have. It goes the other extreme as well of course. I should curate my stream better.

But humanity is like that accident on the side of the road you can’t help but want to slow down and see. It’s such a fascinating thing, isn’t it?

And then those glimpses of pure bliss and the beauty human nature is capable of in its unselfishness can be such a miraculous feeling and thing to also bear witness to.

It’s like I’m addicted to the journey of humanity. 🀣🀣🀣

When is it too late?

When is fate sealed? When can one no longer turn back? When is one set to lose one’s soul to an ill full fate?

Very fortunately for us and maybe not so much for those who love the idea of vengeance, not until the very end.

I like to believe this because I like to think that no one is truly hopeless. I like to believe that everyone’s heart can be touched by something or someone. That everyone has an opportunity for redemption at absolutely any point in their journey.

It’s a very naive view maybe. But having hope for humanity, having faith in humankind to figure things out, learn to truly cohabitate with themselves, their inner demons and all others, for the betterment of all including this planet, is possible. Maybe not probable, but I chose to believe possible.

It keeps me from becoming bitter. It keeps me able to open my heart. It keeps me wanting to see the possible good in everyone and everything.

I just wish there were much more of that to see.πŸ™πŸ½β£οΈ

Keep on Chooglin’

I had never heard this Creedence song until today. The beat of the song makes me think of Louisiana, even though I’ve never been there. Makes sense though since that genre of music has been called swamp rock. The funny thing is they formed in Cerritos, California, not far from where I was born. Nowhere near the bayou.

But that is the sentiment of today so it’s an appropriate song. Although I’m not gonna pretend to even know what Chooglin’ means.

Today the theme is keep on keeping on. Keep focusing on the good and staying busy.

Focusing on the good seems so hard right now, but I know it’s when it feels the most difficult that it is even more important to do so. There is so much turmoil in the world. That to feel calm, content, at peace, with acceptance and appreciation feels like an afront to the reality of existence. Yet that is when we most need to reach for it.

And that’s my goal. That’s what I am going to do; for myself, for my children, for the world. In this space, in this time and era, on the speck of dirt I find myself I will focus on the good. I will stay calm. I will reach towards Divinity with appreciation and pure faith. That is the job I give myself.

My sanity and happiness depend on it.


There are lies

in the facets of everything that we see. They’re telling us to be scared when all we ever are is free. – Satsung

I was remembering this morning when I was forcibly admitted to a drug rehab center. It’s funny that that was the second time in my life that this had transpired and I have never been a drug addict, nor at either time was I even drinking heavily.

The first time, as a teenager, I went in for the admission interview and spoke honestly, as I always try to do, and was turned away. Just like the time my own mother tried to take me to jail. We sat down with the warden and he asked us both a few questions and he said to her “she doesn’t need to be in jail, she needs to go home”. Which just royally pissed her off.

At the time my mother had shipped me off to live with my extended family in Mexico and I was just a fish out of water there. And then here we were in a Mexican juvenile facility that she could have very easily have paid them to put me in. In this case, I was thankful she is the extremely cheap person she is.

So anyway, this morning I was thinking about how when they admitted me to this middle class (for people with decent insurance but not rich) drug rehab facility I was so out of it. But as the days went on in my week long stay I regained my voice and my strength. About the 3rd day there I saw they had this nice garden patio they opened up a few times a day for the smokers.

I took advantage and asked them politely, that since I had asthma, if I could have a space away from them to sit in the sun. They were very kind and told me they would stay put where they were and I could have the rest of the garden. From that day forth whenever it got opened I went out and laid in the grass in the sun.

Soon a small group of us would come out together and sit and talk and soak in the sun and fresh air. One of the nurses told me that no one had done that before; which I found strange.

I remember forming a strong bond with a few of the other patrons. A super sweet young white girl from extreme poverty who smiled a lot but always looked like she was crying inside. Who even for her young age you could tell had lived a hard life full of drugs and abuse that no one asked her about and she never spoke of.

An older woman who had sunk to alcoholism after unearthing memories of her father sexually abusing her and her mother being complicit. A woman who had never developed coping skills and was effectively simply trying to kill herself with alcohol.

That was not a happy time for me, but it did teach me a lot. There was even a therapist there that taught group classes on coping and addiction that reminded me of Robin Williams character in Good Will Hunting. He was truly amazing and people would like up for an hour before his lecture to get a seat because it became standing room only at one point.

I remember the compassion I received there from some of the staff and the camaraderie I formed with the other misfits. We even exchanged contact information, and promised to get together, but never spoke again. I still have it.


My mother accused me of doing everything in my life wrong (once again), just a few days ago. She said “you live with your heart and that’s not the right way to go about things”. All I could tell her was that I appreciated her concern, that she may be right but that I didn’t want a lecture.

I can’t say if she is right or wrong. All I can say is that in my finite time here I have to do things my way whenever I can. I have to follow the beat of my own drum. And while everyone has an opinion, no one is living my life but me. And while I have responsibilities and people to be accountable to, I also need to be accountable to myself.

Right now, more than anything I want to stop being afraid. Afraid of the future, afraid of the pandemic, afraid of economic uncertainty, afraid of myself, my own choices and the consequences of those.

I want to have pure faith and live happily and at peace with myself and the world. And I think at this time that means a lot of acceptance and avoidance. Avoidance of guilt and second guessing myself and those nagging voices inside. Avoidance of my own judgement and trying to forsee and control the future.

I just want to go with the flow right now and follow my heart. And while that is completely appalling to some people, like my mother; it is what I have found makes me the most joyous and makes this life feel the most authentic and real to me. And that right there is priceless❣️

Enjoy your dayπŸ’‹πŸ₯°πŸ™πŸ½

Exponentially Fat Ass πŸ’‹

I recognize that to a small minority of people weight has no bearing. Wish that we lived in the era where being fat was seen as a sign of opulence and prestige. Of course that was only true in China (I believe) and only because the rest of the population was dying of starvation, so only royalty and people of great wealth had the opportunity to be fat and they exercised it.

But to most of the world, especially in the US, being fat is seen as slovenly and unhealthy. Although I know plenty of horribly unhealthy thin people but that’s still the perception. And there is definitely a disrespect given to fat people.

Not to say if there wasn’t I would enjoy being fat. But I really hate that we live in a world so focused on what’s on the outside, when what truly counts is a person’s heart and soul and how they treat you and make you feel; their courage, valor, integrity and compassion.

It’s not like I’m being social right now or going many places. But I do still need to reign it in here pretty soon before absolutely none of my clothes fit, not even my stretchy leggings. At that point it will be a financial inconvenience as well. And it isn’t healthy. This I also know.

It’s not that I’m eating more food. It’s that I’m eating worse food. I’m eating a lot of junk food and sweets and fried foods; comfort foods. I’m eating far too much gluten and dairy too, which under other circumstances I try to strictly avoid. But I’ve lowered my expectations of myself during this pandemic.

But between my hypothyroidism, low blood pressure, borderline anemia and notoriously slow metabolism I already have the deck stacked against me. In fact, the only time I have been able to maintain a decent weight has been from being hyper-vigilant of my diet and exercising consistently, even multiple times a day at some points.

The thing is, except for running I really need to be around other people exercising to feel encouraged. When I would go to hot yoga I would give a silent thanks to the people there for showing up, not for them, but for me. Lol

When I would walk into the gym and get a whiff of sweat I would smile knowing I would be joining them. Even in my introversion I still enjoy and thrive off communal activities.

It’s like when I did the breathwork workshop a few weeks ago. About half way through I wanted to quit. It would have been so easy to just log off and go about my life as if nothing. It was a zoom meeting and we all went dark to allow for privacy while the music played loudly. Except we were all going to check back in at the end. Parts of that hour felt so excruciating, but I hung on, and it was so worthwhile to do so.

I broke through on a few things I needed to see and some internal struggles I hadn’t noticed I was even fighting.

That’s the same at the gym. I would go and commit to working out and sometimes it was hard but seeing others there inspired me to keep going and I was appreciative of that. I truly was.

I do miss being part of the larger world around me. Not that I’m not and I know we are all going through these same struggles right now, but each in our own way.

What a strange time, isn’t it? But we are all in this together and that gives me great comfort.

And I’m so truly thankful we are in a space in time where we can at least connect in this way.

I can reach out in a virtual way and you can reach back.

Maybe when things settle down I’ll start writing letters and having the girls do artwork to send to friends and family. Just a little reminder that we are here and connected, no matter what’s happening around us. Maybe we can even start writing to seniors.

And when things do settle down a bit I need to learn to motivate myself without outside forces to help.

I can use this time in life to better myself or I can keep falling prey to my own vices and weaknesses. The option is truly mine.

May God bless us all in these hard times❣️


Breaking down White Privilege

I had to do this today for not one but two people. SMH. πŸ™„

Consider that most of these points are valid, even if you don’t agree with all of them and dismissing it only adds to the problem.

Do with that what you will. πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ

Be part of the problem or be part of the solution. Those are your only choices really and turning a blind eye is being part of the problem unfortunately.