What can I say? He was here.
I’ve known him for almost a year. I knew he had a thing for me since the moment he laid eyes on me and I could see over time that the more he got to know me the more that deepened for him.
He was here working on my equipment and because he is so specialized and drove all the way up from Eugene and we couldn’t get what I needed done he opted to spend the night. Of course all day he had been telling me how beautiful I am and how much he adores me. Caressing my back when he could do it seemingly casually. I said to myself alright maybe I’ll kiss him and get some much needed affection and leave it at that.
Typically I preface such situations ahead of time and say something to the affect of “we’re not having sex, is that ok?”, because I want to make that clear from the get-go when I’m in an intimate situation where that could be a possibility and some men don’t have a stop button. The thing is that this wasn’t a date, he just asked me to hang out with him before sleeping and even though I still had full intentions of at one point saying it because I knew he really wanted it; I didn’t.
So here’s the thing; now that I’m analyzing it clearly. I’m pretty. I’m not trying to be all snobby and vain about it. I’m not a 10 and I’m no Victoria Secret model but in general if you polled most people they’d say I was above average and if it swayed in any one direction it would probably go higher rather than lower. Looks don’t last forever, and I’m grateful for who I am and that is very far from perfect. Trust me!
But let’s say I’m a very decent 7 to 9 (right outfit, right hair, etc) and Jon is a 3. Now we are going strictly by visuals here which is an asinine way to judge people to begin with I can very much recognize that. But he has got to be the lowest number I’ve ever thrown it at and now I see why people would want to go low. How I never gathered this before astounds me. I guess because I (like any other woman with a heartbeat) happen to most times favor handsome and/or powerful men. Although I do have a very soft spot for geeky (super smart), lovable, funny, deep & broken or heart of gold men.
Jon however… is none of these. He’s just an average nice guy. But boy when he looked at me, holding my face in his hands and just staring at me as if he had won the lottery; it was so very intoxicating. That he kept telling me over and over how beautiful I was and it was so excruciatingly heartfelt. And the fact that I know he’s not getting anything close to me just made me so comfortable with him. This all sounds terrible I’m sure…except it isn’t really. I almost orgasmed too without a vibrator, which is not customary for me. I’ll go into how that happened another night, not a happy story, unless you like talking about sexless marriages. Ugghhh Yuck!! (Isn’t that suppose to be the only person you sleep with? Isn’t that the whole premise of monogamy, but if they won’t sleep with you then wtf are you suppose to do? Don’t get me started. Anyway.)
So yea. I can’t claim to be celibate anymore, but he also lives 2.5 hours away. Which I factored in when I gave it to him. He can’t come pester me for more. Lol. It was much needed affection and I learned something I never realized. He was fully in it; beginning to end…so happy to be there, with me…so wrapped up into me instead of in his own head like cute boys sometimes seem to be. I’ll go back to celibacy tomorrow. Really he just happened to strike at the right time and under the right circumstances and using the right ammo and I was like what the heck. His touch was just so very nice. Can I see it happening again? Nope, can’t see it, but I’m usually not one to say never. It would have to be another perfect storm and you can’t really plan for that sort of thing. This should hold me off a few months though hopefully. My affection dial is at nearly full. I’m going to masturbate now to finish off the night and go to bed. Goodnight my sweet darlings. 💋