47 years. But I’m here. Finally on the right path. I’ve been wavering. I’ve been procrastinating. I’ve eschewed it so many times. I’ve doubted my own resolve so often. But I finally feel like I am ready to commit wholeheartedly to my path on this spiritual journey.
Akin to a teenager that after many years, many questions, much soul searching has finally landed on what career path they want. And now comes the time to choose how to get there.
I’m so happy that I’ve decided above all other passions, options, ideals, and possibilities I am ready to commit foremost to this one goal.
But now how do I get there? In the teenagers mind these questions would equal: what school do I go to? What internship would be ideal? How do I set myself up for success on this path? What do I need to do to achieve these dreams?
And yet…….at this point in the game I’m taking a completely different approach. Since my ambitions are only achievable within myself I am turning my search within. And I am going to let my own innate sense and life guide me to my continuing lessons.
I’ve come to the conclusion that 1) how you do one thing is how you do all things*. 2) I want to be firm in who I am in my own skin and portray this person proudly and authentically in all circumstances. 3) When you live a more conscious life, open to the signs life gives you more easily, you are apt to learn lessons the first few times, rather than having to be beat on the head by them.
It feels really good to have this new way to look at my life. To have this foundation to work on for myself. I feel very settled and calm with it. I know this is the right way for me. Even if it contradicts seeking the goals and ideals most people value in this life: money, possessions, looks, social acceptance, etc.
I am giving up trying to fit a mold I not only don’t want but feel perfectly happy turning my back on entirely.
As far an my carnal lusts, ones which have taken me down many paths, some of what society labels “deviant”, I will say this…….it is similar to the hunger one gets for food….it is about my own choices here. I am not going to turn my back on these needs.
Because just like I can choose healthy foods, foods I know my body thrives on and are ideal for me, I can also choose to indulge and eat foods that are unhealthy but fun and comforting and easy.
There is importance to my choices. Because the path I choose to keep pushing my wheelbarrow on will set the grooves in the road that will become my habits and become my own downfall or my salvation.
So I will tread more carefully and be more conscious of my own choices and I will try to make them all in a spiritually conscious lens.
This is the way❣️
*I’ve noticed even my own resistance to this form of thinking comes from a lack of acceptance of accountability for my own actions or my own assertion that we all make mistakes.
But most times it is these very mistakes we make in life that point out very clearly what we need to look at within ourselves.