So I went out with Craig again last night. And when I got home I evaluated the date, as I always do. And I realized that I wasn’t being my genuine self during some of it. Now I came up with several very valid justifications for this.
I strive to be genuine and myself in all circumstances. I try to not wear any masks or hide behind any pretenses. So that I am essentially the same person regardless of my captive audience.
So that I don’t have to say “I don’t like who I am when I’m with you.” or “My bad actions stem from your bad actions.” because that puts the blame on the other person and not on myself where it should be. I should be innately myself regardless of external factors. And if I am being that person then at no point would I stop enjoying who I am, since generally speaking I like myself.
So the conclusion I ultimately drew was that I have to be more myself in general. I have to cement who that is for myself. This takes a lot of inner balance. This takes a lot of self evaluation. It takes a lot of comfort in my own skin skills. So I have work to do here, very clearly.
So a dating hiatus is on the menu. I mean I think I did clarify this for myself a few days ago but I got confirmation that this is the right step for me with that dinner. Boy was it a fabulous meal though. Ho hum.
But it also made me question something. Am I looking for my own soul or am I looking for my soul mate? And by finding myself will I then also find what I’ve been thinking I wanted and needed all along? Will it bring me that person?
I don’t know but like most things I think the answer lies within. So let’s get started.