Do It Now

This year has been excruciatingly difficult. I just can’t seem to get my head in the game. Generally I’m super motivated and creative. Generally I can handle everything that gets thrown at me with some grace and patience.

But since my mother passed I have such a sad undertone to my life. And while I’ve accepted that this grief may linger I am not sure how to counteract the melancholy so it doesn’t impair me from doing the things I need to do.

Three days ago I procrastinated washing dishes. Then the day after I gashed my finger so severely I had to hold a tight grip on it for hours and keep it over my head, and even then it didn’t fully stop bleeding until the next day. It probably needed stitches. But this meant I couldn’t do the the dishes, even if I wanted to.

Yesterday I had planned to go to the gym but I couldn’t find the motivation. In my defense I prefer to exercise before 6pm and it wasn’t going to be possible. So I didn’t go telling myself I’d go today. But then last night I couldn’t get to sleep until 5am and I had to be up before 10.

Being that I didn’t sleep great the night before either because of a huge headache I am feeling very tired and lethargic, groggy even. Which means no gym today.

Are we seeing a pattern?

It’s like when I talk myself out of doing kind things for others. I usually regret not having done whatever it is, because if in doubt I like to land on the side of being too compassionate than not at all. And while the thought is good, the action is better.

So the lesson I am getting reinforced right now is to act on things as I think them and stop talking myself out of it, especially things I know I should be doing.

This isn’t going to be an easy feat because I have a lot of responsibilities and people to look after and things to do. So giving myself breaks has been really nice and comforting. But ultimately it isn’t really helping me, or so I’m coming to see.

So the new mindset is…..if it can be done now, do it. Let’s see how this shapes up.


Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

4 thoughts on “Do It Now”

  1. Grieving is a tough process and you are doing basically alone. You should find someone to talk to for some assistance being able to discuss and verbalize is very important. I was fortunate that my boss at the time told me to take a month off not a week or 3 days as provided by the company but a month. He had gone thru the same about 2 years prior. I had planned a move of over 400 personnel into a new building a 24 /7 operation with a lock up (jail). he insisted and my secretary (Mistress Kate) took over. She knew all the details and te plan. She packed my office did not unpack all my boxes were labeled (Rat Bastard). We laugh about that now. But my point is that it takes time and You still are processing and awaiting on the autopsy for closure. These things sit on the sub conscious mind and carry a toll. Be patient to yourself and know this too shall pass. You are a strong and independent Woman . Every day do the best you can and pat yourself on the back at the end of the day.
    Big virtual hugs
    Peace N Love

    Liked by 1 person

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