I’m so tired of the racial disparity being pointed out over and over. It’s existence reinforced on a daily basis. I’m sick of talking about micri-aggressions and outright bigotry. I’m so tired of seeing stories of systemic racism all over the world, and especially here.
I know that we are at an awakening phase. I know there is no going back to simpler times when it was accepted as how things simply were. Racism, sexism, even ageism and genderism are having a moment of reckoning.
This is a good thing. And it’s the only way to root out the issue from the ground level, where it needs to be exorcised: from people’s conscious and even more destructive subconscious.
Yes, I understand it. It all makes perfect sense. But it’s so disappointing to see. It’s so upsetting to see how much bigotry truly can affect ones entire life in profoundly negative ways.
Brad said to me a couple days ago, as we were watching old game shows from the 60’s and 70’s, something to the affect of “The US was such a perfect place 40 years ago.”. To which I simply responded “yea, if you were white.”. You could hear crickets chirping outside after my reply.
Why I have to explain to a grown ass white man anything about racism is truly unbelievable to me. It’s disheartening. It’s disturbing. I feel like I get my heart broken over and over at people who have no idea how hard life can be when you’re on the wrong side of this.
Sure, I’ve wished I was born a white, rich, educated, straight man, throw in good looking and life would be at it’s ideal as far as demographics….at least for life here.
But I wasn’t given that golden ticket. Was I? And maybe the day will come when technology can give us any skins we want to have. So we can choose exactly what we want to look like when we walk out the door. We can choose to be anything we could possibly desire. Half women, half mermaid. Done. Purple alligator man. Done. I mean why not?
But until then I’m stuck with what I got at birth. And while it was easy to escape even thinking too much about racism and my place at the bottom rung of most these divisions in California, that is simply not the case most places. That’s what I truly miss the most about California, feeling like I very naturally, simply belonged.
Now I obviously belong where I am because that’s where I am, irregardless of how others may feel about it. Fate ultimately decided.
But these growing pains are as hurtful to my psyche as they are to those being bitch slapped for their outright prejudices. And the fact that people are fighting so hard to defend their destructive words and stances is even more hurtful. But the vapid apologies to not be canceled out seem even worse.
I don’t have any answers here. I wish we didn’t have to be here. I really do.
But growing pains are just that….painful. For everyone!!!