I’ll still reach out to text my mom or call her about something and then it strikes me. Today on the way to Trader Joe’s I started tearing up. I was almost to the parking lot when I thought I’d have to let myself cry before getting out of my car.
It passed quickly and as I stood in line outside waiting to get in I saw a cloud with a rainbow around it. It was so beautiful. On closer inspection I realized it wasn’t a cloud it was a perfect circle made out of a cloud. It looked like a halo, especially because of the rainbow surrounding it.
I wish I had taken a picture. But then I thought of my mom again and a sense of peace and calm swept over me and I realized she’s ok. I deeply felt that she is ok now.
Then I had to pretend to not have seen my ex-husband with his girlfriend in the store. He was buying groceries while she worked. We were less than 15 feet apart. I tried not to stare. They thankfully didn’t acknowledge me either. Then he texts me later in the day to tell me he is taking a trip to California this week to visit her family.
Out of curiosity I asked if he was proposing. He said not yet. Can’t say I care. She has two small children of her own, 1 & 2 years old. She’s also about 20 years younger than him. I wish him luck.
Statistically speaking his odds aren’t great. But I’m just glad he isn’t hassling me for sex anymore. They met at work. He had to move stores when he started dating her and they sent him clear into Portland. That did give me a laugh.
I’m comfortable with the fact that she won’t want to mother my children. Especially since she’s only met them once briefly. She’s pretty though and has that meek, bunny in the headlights, “save me” way about her that men are attracted to. And that is about all the caring I have in me about that whole situation.
I just didn’t want to suffer the awkwardness of meeting her. I don’t want to be friends. And it’s nothing against her. Just that as soon as I can cut this man out of my life I will and I don’t need to establish bonds with her. Honestly I doubt she’ll be around for long. I just don’t think he’s even worthy of a used stick of gum. But…. what do I care?