So I’m working with Jan who is mentoring me on my spiritual journey and how to harness and better control my healing abilities.
But something happened last night that has me very perturbed.
As soon as I got back from Brad’s yesterday and ran some errands I got home with a mild headache. I figured it was because I hadn’t eaten much yet and it was almost 7pm. Plus I was very tired from our sexscapade.
So I ate what I could stomach. I knew I had to eat but I wasn’t very hungry. But the headache not only persisted it started getting worse. And then it started moving from a small manageable headache to an intense whole head headache.
By 2am I was practically in tears. I tried every single one of my home remedies and such and nothing helped. And so I really sat with it and realized it wasn’t my pain. I never have tension headaches. I literally can’t remember ever having one. The back of my head never hurts. Seriously never.
I’ve had many migraines, tons of regular headaches and sinus headaches galore; but the more I sat with it the more I realized that the pain I was feeling didn’t originate within me.
And even though I have had these occurences happen before I hadn’t clued in earlier because those incidents have always been very sudden, never gradual like this.
Then I remembered Brad has these kinds of intense tension headaches every single day. He wakes up with them and takes medication and goes back to sleep. Always. Without fail. So this morning I asked him if he got his morning headache and he said no.
Last night in the middle of this intense pain I said to God to take this gift away if it was going to keep taking on other people’s pain. That I simply didn’t want it because it wasn’t worth it to me. But……
is it God’s fault I get these episodes or my fault for not learning how to control it better?
I don’t have an answer for that. I really don’t. But something tells me it may be the latter choice. 😐🤔😔