BDSM and devotion

Last night I opened the little baggie of mushrooms I was given to find more than half were moldy. I salvaged one little part and took it last night while in the bathtub. It wasn’t very much. But I did feel noticeably happier. I was laughing a lot while masturbating after my bath. Nothing particularly funny or noteworthy just a general state of joy. I woke up happy still.

I have my first app date tonight. Meeting at the mall. I’m not expecting anything to come out of it. It’s just easier for me mentally to go into it without any preconceived notions. Just go with the flow. See what happens.

I was contemplating two things last night for which I have no answers. As I lay in bed for hours masturbating and daydreaming I was allowing myself to drift into dark fantasies. But those are things I don’t ever actually want to do. I do however enjoy thinking about it.

But I’m wondering if it is safer maybe to step away from BDSM for a bit? Like this guy tonight has no idea I like BDSM or any of my sexual proclivities. Do I just keep it to myself and see what develops naturally with whatever guy I end up sleeping with? Would it then be wierd if months down the line somehow it comes up and I have all this experience and never mentioned it. To my mind that’s actually really funny.

Then ok. Not exactly right now, because I’m not really looking for anything resembling happily ever after. But eventually when I am….how does it work?

Let’s say there are one thousand men walking around in this world that would give me enough love, devotion, attention, and space to satiate my needs. Men that would give their life for me, if it truly came to that. Which obviously I would never want but their love would be so great that it would be unquestionable.

How many of those men would fall between the acceptable parameters: single, age appropriate, commonalities, some mutual physical attraction, etc. etc.

Let’s say that narrows it down to 250 men. Now how many of those am I not only geographically close to but will pop up in my dating world at the same time I am looking? I mean truly, statistically, it seems improbable. And then of those that do fall into my orbit what’s to say I will want them in return or even give them a shot.

Like it all seems so absurdly arbitrary it’s really amazing we even manage to fall in love mutually at all. No?

IDK. Just thoughts in my head.

I’ve had a very productive day and I’m hoping tomorrow is equally so. Feels good to cross all these check marks off my to do list. Still a lot to do, but it’s a never-ending merry-go-round isn’t it?

Handling all the responsibilities of being an adult. I’m glad I’m the kind of person that can just accept things for what they are and not stress over things too much. It’s a saving grace. Trust me.

💋

Well…. wish me luck.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

6 thoughts on “BDSM and devotion”

  1. love the mushroom effect and how much laughter you had while fiddling yourself.
    Your mind goes a mile a minute thinking about what you desire. i love how you can put it done in writing. my mind thinks about the Lady i would desire to serve but can never get to the point where i write it all down.. Guess just bad discipline on my part.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think you have to be careful with mushrooms. I had some around the start of December – left over from cooking with them. I decided to use up the left over mushrooms a few days after they were open and I had incredibly painful stomach cramps afterwards. It made me more nervous around mushrooms than ever.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah yes. Thanks.

      These were magic mushrooms though. Edible psychotropics. Very, very small dose. I was fine. They were great. I had a good time. But I’m sorry that happened to you. Sounds yuck🤢.

      Liked by 1 person

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