It’s been in my world from a very young age and never left it. And I’ve met so many people in the wacky spectrum of it too from specialist to predators to victims to advocates and agencies against it and people on the legal side of this specialty. It’s a hell of a complex world. What is there to do about this problem?
There is no known cure. There is no known reset of one’s sexual preference. Just look at gay conversion and how that didn’t work at all.
But where I believe everyone is born inherently bisexual I do not for one moment believe anyone is born a pedophile. That is created, normally through trauma, sometimes just because of opportunity, and maybe some other wacky theories the pedophile loving specialist was throwing my way.
So I am very familiar with the subject matter. Especially having looked at scholarly studies and seen through some of their bias.
Overall, I feel I have a good grasp on the entire thing. And because of this I can absolutely not advocate for pedophilia to be considered a sexual preference on the same scale of the lgbqtia labels.
I’m sure there is some logical and scientific explanation that would back up this ascertion. Somewhere.
However, the thing I do wish society on the large scale considered is that pedophilia is rampant everywhere; in ever demographic there is to be had. It’s been this way for a long time and it will keep on being this way for a long time. But I do honestly believe that we could mitigate it if we took proactive measures.
But with pedophilia, which is so heavily scorned and yet also disregarded at the same time, how much can really be done? It’s such an interesting subject because it garners intense feelings of disgust, some acknowledgement that is it wrong, and yet it is something most people want to never, ever talk about, except anecdotally at best.
I’ve harped on this. But I truly do get the other side of this. Where does it end? What would we address next? Necrophilia? What else? Child sex dolls? Regular sex dolls?
Does anyone make love anymore? Because you can’t make love to any of those things!!! Not with a child! Not with a corpse! Not with a sex doll! Right? Or am I wrong?
And maybe that’s what we are missing in society. Maybe we should start teaching what making love is instead of abstinence and then maybe teenagers will be so intimidated by it they will actually abstain or maybe they’ll fucking get over this sex crazed, porn addicted, perversion in modern society that lacks any real intimacy, connection and mutual pleasure and satisfaction.
I don’t know why I obsess about the topic of pedophilia. I mean I obviously know why but at the same time what does all this ruminating bring me? Not closure. Understanding?
But it’s something that is so deeply hard to understand. Why would someone do this to me? Why would someone want to take advantage of another person like that? How can life be so cruel? How can it be so prevalent and yet completely ignored by society at large? I mean. I guess I really don’t understand it.
But you know what?
Knowing I am planning on seeing a guy exclusively on the days my kids are not with me. Knowing he won’t be another possible toxic partner. And that even if he is I am going to keep them completely separate. It really relieves a lot of worry and pain.
Like I can have cake. I just can’t take it home. Lol
And who knows. I can’t see if I pick an appropriate partner until I start picking partners. But I finally did take my psychologists advice and moved my dating back to an actual dating app and not FetLife. I can pick them in a lineup, but why set myself up for more failure I guess is what she seems to be thinking. I don’t see merit to that but we’ll see I guess.
Could be because like attracts like. Victim meet predator. Predator there is your victim. Narcissist meet your empath. We are just different sides of the same coin. Where I killed my ego to survive my trauma, narcissist bolster there’s to survive. (I just learned that and it felt valid.)
But I am trying to break the pattern here. The very dangerous and harmful problem that is has been in my life for too many of the last 39 years.
I hope I get some clarity and that I can either see any danger before I develop feelings or can navigate to someone that I can truly, fully trust.
And then I also wonder does that even exist for me, in my world given all I’ve been through? To fully trust a man to live intimately with my kids?
I do truly know it isn’t an every man issue. Like I trust my teenager with her male teacher for after school and other events, though he always has an aid. But I trust any of my kids with their grandfather. Really. I know it isn’t every man.
But, best part is…….. I don’t have to worry about that one bit. And that’s really grand!
*I know. I’m being a hypocrit. I love kink. But remember. I personally was led to it through sexual abuse by many hands. And while I myself find BDSM cathartic and I can see a place for it in regular people’s lives, let alone my life….I still understand the underlying issues that can come up, or ones it makes worse.