I’ve been suffering a lot of grief over the last 8 months. Closed the business I loved, ended things with the man I thought I would marry, and then lost my mother. This on top of the pandemic and loss of normalcy and also school for the kids.
It’s been a hell of a lot to cope with. Not to mention potentially still losing my house. But I came across this and it validates my feelings. Right now I’m struggling so much emotionally. And I need to allow myself to feel the pain and grief. I need to sit with it and not just push it down and move on. I need to really let it find its place inside of me, because the pain of all this doesn’t feel like something I will ever truly shake.
Acceptance is not just factually understanding that we have lost something essential. Acceptance involves balancing our sense of meaning and purpose in life all over again. Loss can really make people lose faith in goodness, justice, honesty and hardwork.
In the aftermath of a broken dream people grieve the time that is lost and lose faith in their dedication and work. People try and rationalise what has befallen them and in the process actively question everything that led up to the loss. One’s entire belief system goes through a shock. Life doesn’t make that much sense for the most part.
When someone loses a loved one, they question loving as an action, they question divine justice that is at the root of their spiritual and religious beliefs. Loss can be destabilizing. People need time to come to grips with what has happened and deal with that.
And so…….I feel I really need to take it easy on myself right now. It’s been a lot, too much, and I just need a breather. You know? I really do.