It’s such a strange thing, because I have always felt and said I’m fine alone. And I do feel I am. I need sex, but I don’t feel I necessarily need a man around full-time. I am capable and where I falter and need help I pay for it or figure things out one way or another.
Right now being so vulnerable and feeling so alone in the world and also having gone though everything I have, in regards to dating and the men I’ve chosen……
I feel I’ve learned the lessons I’ve needed to learn and am becoming the person I was meant to be: strong, balanced, feeling my own worth, loving myself, knowing not to settle and fully grasping my own underpinnings.
And in this state where I’m feeling a bit gushy inside I’m feeling open and willing to put down my guards and really let someone in. Like truly let someone in, which for me is truly novel.
I always felt I have been very much like that Bruce Springsteen song “Secret Garden”. Because I have always felt unable to truly bridge to someone emotionally. I have always thought “sure I’ll let you in, but nowhere near my core heart or giving it all.” And I felt fine with that being the case.
But now I feel I’m really ready. But that said I’m still going to hold out for the real thing. Not a perfect man, just the right one for me. The truly right one, who will nurture my heart, reciprocate and feed my love, and be my true friend and companion.
And it’s not scary anymore. The thought of opening up isn’t terrifying, like it used to be. It doesn’t seem impossible or improbable anymore. It seems like a natural progression I needed to make to get here, to a place I feel safe to do that.
So maybe one day…… it will happen. Now that I feel truly ready….. and that makes me happy.