It’s been a frickin roller coaster of a ride this week. Hang on because here it is in all it’s messy twists and turns.
I’m going to be as thorough as I can so that when I look back on this I’ll remember, but I know it’s missing some details. Nothing that would change the basics of what I’m saying though.
Frankly, like all things I try to do in life…..right now I’m doing all I can so I don’t have any regrets later. So I’m trying to be civil. I’m trying to be strong and muscle though this while still remaining true to myself.
Ok…let’s start at the beginning from the knowledge I have about everything as we go along.
I get a call New Years Eve that my mother is dead. I get a hold of her boyfriend who tells me not to come. He will sort everything out. He doesn’t think she has a will. He is distraught. I send him several emails and try to call him and he never responds. I decide to come and send him my itinerary. Nothing.
I arrive and head straight to the mortuary. As only heir and no will I have all legal rights. So the paperwork her boyfriend (E) filled out are all void. I want an autopsy but the mortuary and E insist it isn’t necessary. The doctor still hasn’t signed off on the cause of death. E wants her cremated. So I don’t oppose it.
I head to his house afterwards. I tell him legally I’m getting the death certificates. He goes into some long tangent about his mom’s money in my mom’s back account and me giving him the death certificate asap to handle all my mom’s financial affairs himself. I ask for my mother’s ring. He claims it is missing. We leave at a stale mate, with no decisions besides cremation.
The next day he locates her medical directive/will/trust from 7 years ago giving him full rights. So he signs all the mortuary paperwork again. Tells them I can not see her. Because I was making arrangements to see her before I left and now that he is in charge he can do that.
I head back to his place because he won’t answer my calls. He tells me “you’re the problem” and to leave. That no one wants me here. He switches his story about how my mother died. Now saying she had covid. Which I know from everything my mom said that he is deathly afraid of. That’s why she locked herself in her room because they were treating her horribly because she was the only one that left the house and she had pneumonia so many times and even with all the negative test results for that they still thought she had it.
So no way was he going to put her in his bed. It’s just not probable at all.
So then I accidentally call his lawyer to explain my side and that I know he has severe dimentia but that I want an autopsy and to see my mother. The mortuary had given me the lawyers number and because of their lack of communication with me I thought they were referring me to get a lawyer. Instead they gave me the number to his lawyer.
So I accidentally told her everything from my side. She may have legitimately not known at first but I think she may have put it all together because he called me a few hours later asking me to come back by.
This was Tuesday. So I come and now he’s very nice to me. “What do you want? Let’s handle this.” He will absolutely not budge on the autopsy, even when I offer to pay. But he wrote down the things I wanted.
My mother’s ring. A copy of the paperwork. The jewelry my aunt gave my mom back to my aunt. To know who is handling my great aunts affairs in New York and to see my mom before I leave. That’s it. He tells me the trust specifies I get $20k. Accuses me of having a horrible relationship with my mom, which is totally off base, but agrees to my requests. When I call the mortuary the next day he has not called to authorize me to see my mom.
So needless to say I haven’t heard back from him nor do I expect to. I’m sure it was all some kind of tactic to get me to back off and kill time until I leave.
So I call more lawyers. Two tell me I have enough probable cause to get the police involved. So I call the sheriff’s. They direct me to the coroners. The coroner will do nothing as they never received the body and refer be back to the sheriff and the doctor that signed off on the death certificate as “natural causes”. (As by now that has been done.)
But by a doctor who I am not sure ever even attended to or saw my mother. Just some network Kaiser doctor, I believe.
So all I want at this point, honestly, is to know he didn’t kill her. Because his story keeps changing and he’s blocking me out to such a degree that it all seems too over the top suspicious. And he stands to gain access to a lot of money he didn’t have access to before. From what I can tell it’s really only his own mother’s money here and my mom’s 401k. I know my mother didn’t have much money because had she, she would have much rather lived on her own. At least that’s what she would always complain about.
Buy I’m not contesting the money part, if that’s what is in the will so be it. I’m not really trying to fight it. Especially with my aunt being secondary on the will. The aunt my mother was not even speaking too really. I understand that when my mother wrote the will we probably had a different relationship, so I don’t hold that against anyone.
I know in my heart her and I were good now though. We were on great terms and that gives me enough comfort to know she wouldn’t have wanted any of this. And that’s truly enough, to know her and I were good.
But I would really, truly at this point just like to know she died without foul play involved and I’m willing to shell out $4k for that peace of mind.
But it seems I’m shit out of luck. Do I stay longer?
I may drive down to the sheriff’s office to see if I can get their help and start a formal investigation. I’ve been told the chances are very slim. And I haven’t found a lawyer to help me get a formal autopsy, which may be because I really don’t have a leg to stand on.
Legally I’m entitled to the paperwork, but I guess it’s a 60 days window for that and no one seems to care what I want or have to say meanwhile. I’m really very sad about this all.
If I was a vindictive bitch I’d hire a lawyer to simply contest the will based on his dimentia and let my aunt take it all. But we mutually can’t stand each other right now so I’m not doing her any favors. Plus it’s money I don’t want to spend to prove a point I don’t want to make. I just don’t really care.
I don’t think anyone gets that my mother is dead and that I just want closure and peace of mind.
I’m still going to keep trying to find the real cause of death. But chances don’t look good for me.
I think I’ll have to go home and just forget about this all and never know exactly what she died from or the circumstances around it and be always left with my suspicions.
But I haven’t given up entirely yet. I’m just stating what seems to be the inevitable reality. Like it or not.