I am still glad Aaron is here. I feel bad for him though, because we are barely speaking. I’m almost completely ignoring him. But I’m happy doing my own thing and knowing he is here. Even if we can’t carry on a conversation.
He is the epitome of a narcissist. But not the charming kind. He used to be back when he had hope I guess. But now that he’s given up on the world and his life he doesn’t even try to pretend to like anything or anyone.
I asked him how he thought he had changed since we first met 25 years ago and he said “where I was only seething with anger before now I have a plan of action to kill and harm”. It was very dark. I asked him if he meant it and he said nothing and looked very serious.
It’s sad. But it’s nothing I’m taking any responsibility for or can help him with. I’m pretty much one of his only friends. And I’d like to remain his friend but honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if I never see him again.
I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He didn’t think he could. He broke his leg 3 weeks ago and is hobbling around in a walker. So I get that. It didn’t feel personal. Plus he’s an emotional driven person. He probably wants a connection beyond “hey we used to fuck a long time ago”.
He let me snuggle with him in bed. I enjoyed his warmth for an hour and then scooted back to my side and fell asleep. I’m putting no real effort in here. I have no intentions of anything with him. Just more of something to do. I think the fact that I told him that directly didn’t help any.
So I am now in the bathroom trying to masturbate. I don’t even do this at home. But I tried to do this in bed yesterday, but it’s a small studio apartment and he was making me feel that I was making him uncomfortable. And that wasn’t helping me orgasm.
I even offered mutual masturbation. But he’s probably so clinically depressed he may not get hard. I have no idea. Being that men hate talking about that stuff, even when you ask and it concerns you and your sex life.
I think I’m going to offer to drive him home tomorrow instead of Saturday. I like the company but he bums me out too much. Probably better alone.
Well…anyways….wish me luck….for some reason I’m having a hard time orgasming. I can guess it’s my mind and emotions on overdrive but I could really use the release. 💋