I’m so tired. So tired of being the responsible one. So tired of being the strong one. Just fucking tired of holding it all together, by scraps and pieces.
And I know my life probably would and could theoretically be easier with a partner. I don’t know about the dynamics anymore. I don’t know what my deepest needs are exactly. But they definitely just don’t revolve around money. I mean, obviously for responsibility and my children no one that would hurt me or them in any way.
But right now you know I really feel it’s all about me. I am sick of doing things out of a sense of unhappy obligation or sense of desperate need. I want to take care of my kids because they need me and I love them. Nothing else. I want peace in my life. I want to feel good about myself and who I am. Who I truly am.
And right now I’m thinking I don’t need a partner. I have too much going on to look for love, too much possible mobility.
Life is bizarre. I just try to hold on and enjoy the ride. You know? But this is one hell of a bumpy ass life and God I could use a real break. A real fucking miracle.
But I know I’m not alone right now. The world seems to be in chaos. Can we all just take a breath and maybe even take a knee and….. (whatever that ending should be).
Guess we are all tired. 😔