Mostly, right now, it’s just for entertainment purposes. I am talking to a few men. Their ages range from 20-60. Each decade brings a different flavor or experience and inquisitiveness. There are truthfully not a lot of men in my immediate age range that message me.
The younger boi’s are so enthusiastic, they make it quite fun. The older gentleman bring a sophistication and confidence that’s very seductive.
My bio lists me as Dominant and yet I always get approached by Dominant men. When I try to explain that I’m only submissive sometimes sexually they all claim to grasp it, but I know most don’t. They aren’t used to ceding power to women to make decisions. They aren’t used to having to run all things by their partner. They aren’t used to giving the level of reverence I seek. So it seems quite useless to meet them.
But I am enjoying the discourse and I don’t have to talk about my mom. So that’s a plus too.
The girlfriends house I’ll be staying at in Seal Beach just took her own mom off life support today. They are transferring her to hospice. They give her 1-2 weeks since she can’t eat now. So she won’t be around much while I’m there.
Even though I would rather not have a pandemic right now I’m slightly grateful that this will get me out of having to have a service. There are certain family members I would rather avoid and I’m in no mood to hear people I haven’t seen or talked to in years stand there and give me condolences. People I may never even speak to again. I get that they may want to say goodbye to my mom but why does that concern me?
At my grandmother’s funeral I was actually in a good mood. I had seen her shortly after passing, while she was still at home in bed and she had the most happy and angelic look on her face. Happier than I ever remember seeing her in real life. So I knew she was fine. She had been sick for so long too. But I felt very judged for my lack of sadness. By people that don’t know what I went through and how hard it was watching her die slowly like that.
I’m not sure what will happen. My mother wasn’t just my mother. She was a girlfriend, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a boss, a neighbor, a best friend, an employee. There are people I don’t even know that will want to “pay respect”. But the pandemic is in full force down there right now, so it will be whatever is allowed and nothing more.
And I may even need to spend my own money to get her autopsied. With everything going on an insurance covered autopsy may not happen, but for my own peace of mind I would really like to know what she died of. It definitely wasn’t natural causes.
I haven’t been able to get ahold of my great aunt in New York either. I’m assuming she must know by now but she won’t answer my calls. My mother was trying to get her diagnosed with dimentia so that she could get 2 full time nurses a day. If I can’t make that happen she is going to have to go to a home or come home with me.
No one else wanted to help my aunt. So my mother took it on herself. Not sure if anyone else will want to step up but I can’t just disregard her. She isn’t doing well and my mother was her only support in the world. I love my aunt very much but she is a stubborn old bitty and I may have to go to New York to put her in order somehow and at least let her know someone cares.
I just doubt anyone else in my extended family will do anything. My aunt has no money or insurance or anything to offer anyone. And that’s the unfortunate motivator for a lot of people. She had no children either. No husband. She was a very independent, strong woman and I love and admire her deeply for it.
We get along well, but I don’t think she will be around much longer as she has been aging very aggressively this year. And I don’t want her to go to a home if that’s not where she wants to be. If I can help it. But also, I have a tiny place. Well. We shall see I guess.
I have no idea what I’m stepping into down there. My mother’s sister has already come to tell my mom’s boyfriend what she wants to have happen. On the day she died no less. And I could give zero fucks what that woman wants. My mother hated her.
God, I really hate drama. I will go to great lengths to avoid it when possible. But I have no choice but to walk into this situation with as much calmness as I can muster. I know my mom is with me. I know she will help me figure this out. In that I have no doubt. And that gives me a lot of peace.
I guess we will see what happens.