My father called. We just talked yesterday and wished each other a happy new year so I wasn’t sure why he was calling again. But I happily answered. He was very calm and serious. He asked me if anyone had called me yet? Which I found an odd question but didn’t think much of it. Then he just blurted it out. “Your mother died.”
Then my aunt called. My uncle got on the line too. They were upset and concerned. They had to hear it second hand and they were the ones who had told my father. No one was sure when or how exactly she passed. But as the only daughter I was told it was my duty to find out. That I may have to travel to California. That I needed to gather all her things and find her will.
So then I called her 35 years+ live-in boyfriend. He was very obviously distraught. He said she had been very sick yesterday. She had fallen off the bed twice. She was having a hard time breathing. So he had put her in his bed to watch her and make sure she was ok. He stepped away from her this morning to get the door and in that short expanse she stopped breathing completely. The ambulance couldn’t revive her. The mortuary came for her this afternoon. He plans on cremating her.
I asked if he wanted me there. He told me he could handle it. I told him to talk to me before he discards her things. I never mentioned the will. It didn’t seem the time and I don’t really care.
She’s gone. I’ll never see her again. We may have had our issues. I didn’t always like her but I always loved her. She was my biggest support system. I always told her everything. And I am going to miss her very much.
I Facetimed her 3 days ago. She had a very bad head cold but she got sick a lot this year so I didn’t worry all that much. I never anticipated anything like this. I had tried calling her yesterday. Over and over… expecting a return call that never came.
And just like that, this dreadful year will come to a crashing end.
I can’t stop crying.