I woke up from a nightmare this morning. It was very vivid and colorful.
In the first segment I was attending some kind of trade school with a couple of very vivacious drag queens. That was very fun.
But in the last segment, my boyfriend, partner, husband, whatever his designation, was living with my children and I.
He had orchestrated an intervention for me. Several doctors and family/friends all summarily decided I was crazy and were taking me to the looney bin. Being almost impossible to prove a negative I knew I was helpless.
I cried and cried. My children were like hopeless bystanders to all this. I was so mad and dumbfounded by it. I left the meeting and simply climbed into my partners car to be taken away.
On the drive there he tried to comfort and touch me. But the hatred and disappointment I felt for him was boiling over.
And the fact that he seemed so level headed and calm about the whole thing. He seemed almost happy things were going this way, made me all the more sure he had done all this with some dreadful purpose, and I feared for my children and myself.
Yea. That was not fun.
It came to me while trying to get this dream out of my head this morning that there are four components to form a truly good relationship.
Along with mutual love, real friendship and a deep commitment to each other you need a truly healthy partnership.
One where both people are heard, appreciated, respected, nurtured and helped to be their best, authentic self.
All the other fluffery we think we need is all probable to change. But the components above should always be kept alive and worked on together; to maintain a bridge between your heart and theirs and achieve true happiness together.
Is everyone capable or desirous of such a thing? No, I really don’t think so.
All the things most people care about, the gazillion of little bullet points they seem to think will fulfill them are just top coats, that will change with time.
That hair you love on him may be gone in 15 years. That tight hourglass figure of hers will transform with births and time. That 6 foot man won’t be so appealing when he breaks both legs and you have to help him get about.
And I’m finally understanding this clearly, as if for the first time. Which it probably is, truthfully.
I think for now I’m going to stop chasing this. Focus on my and my children’s well-being. There is enough drama in the world right now, and in my world.
I just want to enjoy the ride.
May God bless us all❣️
Merry Christmas 💋