I felt like a school girl.
I was giggling a bit too much.
I just haven’t made out like that in what feels like a very long time.
Where I was really into it.
Things with Brad had fizzled out quite a bit ago and while we had sex it seemed very much a “let’s get this over with” on his part. I’m sure due to his pain. Maybe? I have no idea really. Maybe we both just weren’t there emotionally anymore. Which who could blame?
But the passion I could feel reciprocated back was very nice. I guess that’s all part of the initial dance. But since this isn’t going into a bonafide relationship I hope it sticks around.
I opted to go home at about 11pm, not that I was invited to sleep over.
It was a very sweet 4 hour date.
My heart rate was still elevated when I got home. He managed to turn me on quite a bit and I knew if I stayed we were having sex and I wasn’t prepared yet; mentally.
Do I really want a fuck buddy? I actually do enjoy talking to him so that’s a huge plus. He seems very intelligent and easy going. His place is super comfortable and clean. He has much older boys so it isn’t awkward there either. I didn’t meet any of them.
I guess maybe I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of what this is going to be exactly. I mean, I know I was very specific in what I told him. I want someone that I can hang out with Sunday through Tuesday only; and fuck, no relationship* but still monogamous.
Because I don’t want STD’s. My ex-husband gave me crabs twice. Twice!! So that’s a non-negotiable to me. Those things are disgusting and there are worse things to get so yea. No thanks.
We haven’t had the when did you last get tested talk. We haven’t really talked about birth control. Unfortunately he isn’t neutered (Lol, sorry it’s just funny that way) and I’m fertile Mertyl here. And God knows I don’t need that in my life. I am not sure my body or brain could handle it and I don’t care that it’s possible I firmly believe women my age should not be birthing still. Maybe under special, extraordinary conditions on a case by case basis but even then I would say probably not.
Anyway, I’m seeing him again tomorrow. But we will have to have a discussion before we engage and I commit my vagina to him. Is that an odd thing to say or just an odd way to say it? I mean I can still use it all I want to, but I can’t lend it out to anyone else. Right? That’s pretty much monogamy.
But at the same time we need to make sure we are compatible sexually first.
How soon is too soon to commit to a sexually based relationship? Ay yay yay. This seemed so much easier when I was younger.
And it’s so hard to know how trustworthy people truly are.
Well…. normally at this point in the show I would be orgasming at least once, usually twice. But I think I’ll save this lust for tomorrow. Make things more fun.
There was a point he had his hands on my butt cheeks and was gently spreading my vagina open that I was so wet you could hear it and it made me laugh thinking of the song WAP. I laughed on the inside and even then not for long because my mind went right back to how good that felt.
God I love being touched and touching. So win/win. Right?
Smiling here. Let’s see what happens.
But boy am I horny!!!!
*No relationship because my life feels volatile. I have no idea what the future holds. Right? I could be moving in the summer. And a relationship makes things too heavy. I really, truly, honestly, just want to have lots of fun and lots of sex. I don’t need a ring. I don’t need promises of things I haven’t asked for. Right now I just need a soft, sweet respite from the realities of life.