My life just feels so complicated and this week I felt like I was barely clinging to my lifejacket.
I already closed my dating app. account. And I may still have a date Sunday. But I don’t sense the enthusiasm I like to see from his end and with me wavering I wouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t happen at all.
I have finite energy and time and while I love sex and could use the connection, am I ready? I think right now I really want to concentrate on taking better care of myself. I really want to nurture myself so I can then in turn be a better mom. Because this pandemic and life upheaval is really asking a lot of me (of most everyone, I think).
Would falling in love help? Yes, actually it would. Would having fun and relieving stress help? Yes, absolutely!
Maybe just not now.
I’ll just keep filling my “weekends” with errands, chores, work and lots of self care. Which is my own brand of long, hot baths, heavy doses of THC and many orgasms.
That will be fine.
I mean, if I can’t go a few months or a year without sex that seems more troublesome than the discomfort of abstaining.
I was thinking last night that it would be so cool to do spiritual sessions in the park. Like how they had those circles in central park and isolating family or individuals could get some air, get out of the house, and in this case pray together.
Of course, as you know, I am not an ordained anything or other. If anything I consider myself a simple mystic. I also don’t base my beliefs around a bible even though a lot of my experiences do correlate with some of the Catholic Church’s precepts.
Then also, who would come? I don’t have a following. I hardly have any friends. I don’t belong to a church.
But I was thinking that it would also be nice to do outreach and not just support each other but help other people struggling right now.
They say shoplifting for food is going up as people struggle to feed themselves. Which is so sad. Being hungry with no idea when your next meal will be, if even that day, is a very sad place to find yourself in life. I should know.
if this is a goal then I need to work towards it. Right?
But it’s probably more so just a passing pleasant daydream.
I guess I’m the only one that can really differentiate that.
So….. am I going to truly commit to my spirituality or just whittle my days away with little idea what to do next?
I mean there are things I can do now. Right? Things that are meaningful and contribute to the world in a positive way. Things I can do to build up and strengthen my own spirituality.
Just gotta figure out what I can do in a way that feels genuine and authentic to who I am. Gotta figure out the win/win. 😉