Don’t ask me how statisticians came up with this precise range for how long it takes the average person to get over a relationship. I think there are far too many variables to ascertain this but there you have it.
Now that puts us at January 24th. Which right now feels so far away. And let say it’s magically true, that by or around that time I feel like dating again, then what?
I’m guessing we will still have the pandemic around. I’m guessing I’m not going to rapidly lose these 40 pounds of not feeling sexy or fitting into my sexpot clothes by then.
I was thinking what would really boost my self esteem is find a true submissive to wield my dominance on. But, unfortunately, that has to be brought out by true desire. It’s a craving. It’s a show of my need to mark and claim as my own.
And it’s not something I can fake. I mean I can but there isn’t much enjoyment in it that way. Even with Brad the last year or so, when he got it in his head he wanted to switch, I couldn’t because 1) I was too used to being submissive to his whims and tantrums 2) I didn’t feel the lust needed for it.
And that’s something I have to feel innately. It has to come organically. And very few men bring it out of me. And without events happening right now there is no way I can figure out if I lust for someone via text or chat, maybe video but probably not.
I come off very mousy in that format. It isn’t my strong suit.
Part of me just wants to find a lover and not worry about what the future holds or finding true love and another part of me says wait it out.
Knowing myself and my libido I don’t think waiting it out is all that viable. I can try but it’s just going to make me miserable. I need sex. It performs many, many functions besides just an orgasm, sexual release and endorphins. It satiates something deep inside, a need to connect, to be tactile on an intimate level, and so much more.
I’ll just keep working on myself. Try to firm up the flab a bit and then on January 24th, assuming we aren’t still on lockdown, I can revisit my stance and get back on Tinder or some other app, and just find myself someone to fuck.
I mean it’s just good to have goals in general. Right? 😝