I was 16. He was the brother of a friend. We lived together for a few months in a semi-abandoned house their parents owned in the Hollywood Hills. (When my dad threw me out in a fit.)
This boy was ethereal. He was the most beautiful young man I had ever seen in person and he glowed with this inner beauty that was undeniable. He was loved by everyone. I would always blush and turn away when he even glanced my way.
He was tormented by the attention I think. I say this in retrospect of course. At the time all I knew was that he had dropped out of school, was doing hard drugs and let his girlfriend treat him like shit. Now I see that he probably enjoyed it. That somehow he maybe felt ashamed, confused or unworthy of it.
I haven’t thought of him in over 20 years, at least. Funny what time on your hands makes you think of.
And then there was Marius.
We were both 18. He was the most kind, calm, sweet natured boy ever. He had an artists look of suffering even when he was laughing. I absolutely adored him.
I was remembering one time when I was trying to really rile him up. We were making out on my bed, both fully clothed and he came. He was beyond mortified. I laughed so hard until he finally laughed too.
He moved and we corresponded by letter often until one day the news clipping came with a letter from his mom. He had been crushed in an accident with a log hauler.
I often think if he were still alive and the same man he was then, sweet, kind, so loving that he would be someone I would really want to love.
But I never got to see the man he would become.
I think that really he was just too pure for this world. He was too fragile and open. He would have broken. I’m pretty sure.
I think of him now and again. Especially since we moved here. He was in Seattle then and it would be an easy drive to make, where he still there.
Maybe I should write his mother. Let her know how much I miss him too, still….after all this time. I can’t imagine losing a child.
God bless us all❣️