They were brutally honest people who rarely lied to me. It wasn’t out of respect though. It was because they never felt they had to justify themselves and whatever they felt, did, or said as a parent was more than adequate.
It was also a different generation and being both from latin countries where parenting simply isn’t questioned and children are more of an annoyance than a privilege, that was how it was; or maybe that’s just them.
Lying was also something that was reinforced to me at a very young age as completely unacceptable: both by violent consequences and from achieving no ultimate gains from it.
And I thought I’d be able to teach my children this very important lesson in life. But I think there are far too many gains in life to lying with far too few consequences now. I’m not going to beat them, and by this age I think they understand the laws of karma to some degree. And the threat of hell, which I know is real, is never going to be enough of a deterrent for anyone’s behavior to be modified.
It’s something people can’t grasp, have a hard time believing, have never seen, and have no proof of. So it is just a boogey-man in the dark; that as far as most people are concerned is not concrete enough or soon enough to matter at all.
I can’t keep telling them there are consequences to lying and not procure a punishment. It’s the wrong kind of reinforcement.
I hate being a parent sometimes.
My mother is also mad at my parenting. She asked me who the mother was in our household yesterday. To which I asked her if she herself knew because I could use a break from whosever kids these were.
This time she’s mad because the teen started working and I’m only making her pay her car insurance. I’m not forcing her to contribute to the household. Now in my defense I did talk to her about it and asked her to allot 25-33% of her paycheck to me. She politely declined and could not be persuaded.
I didn’t want to tell her I was actually just going to save the money for her for an emergency fund. That would defeat the purpose; leave her with a notion that she has cash available for whatever she deems an emergency and leaves me in a bind if I have to use it for some reason.
I was irritated by it but I really didn’t want to argue about it either, maybe because I remember being her age.
Except last night she lied to me again about who and where she was. And lying sends me into a frenzy, which she knows all too well. It’s a technicality she’ll say; more of a very small ommission than a lie. Which I still find irritating.
Lying to me is a black and white issue that unless one needs to use it to save a life/lives, is always completely unacceptable.
I have a headache already and she isn’t even here to discuss this yet.
Joy, joy. 🙄😔😐
I wrote this this morning and wasn’t in the mood to post it.
We have since talked. I have no idea if she understands my point. She made a forced apology and went about her life. Hmmppphhhhhh