with my sexual fantasies. And Brad is in a lot of them. Not the submissive ones because he was a horrible submissive, unless you count the few times he played along, at the beginning of our relationship. He was great then. Too bad that was all an act.
In reality he was more the Dominant and being with him wrecked my self esteem terribly. It was probably a combination of things, but whether he knew it or not, triggering my sexual abuse trauma was never fun and a lot for me emotionally.
I just bought a new vibrator. It’s corded, so it never loses power and I don’t have to worry about always having batteries. The usb charge ones are never strong enough for me. So I went for the jackhammer version. Te he he.
I just found out today that in spanish dildos are called “consolators”. I was joking with my mom they should be called “don’t disappoint” instead.
For at least the last 6 months Brad wasn’t able to maintain an erection with me. Now this could be his health, our relationship, or where he was emotionally/mentally. He didn’t know and didn’t seem to care. And I have no idea and honestly I didn’t really care either. I was absolutely fine with playing around and using my vibrator to cum. It works. And with his hands on me and him telling me dirty stories it was even better. I had zero complaints.
But I am looking forward to making love and maybe having someone fit enough to try the Kama Sutra positions with. Not that I can even do them all. But still. Cross off as many as possible.
We can achieve so much pleasure in life; food, music, our senses, our emotions, our loves and passions and of course sex.
I don’t think I could ever be permanently abstinent. Not gonna happen. Nope, never, can’t see it.