I’m on my way….

I don’t know where I’m going.

I’m taking my time, but I don’t know where.


It’s weighing on me. I’m trying not to let it. But it looks like I may lose my house.

For starters, I’m so far in arrears that were they to approve the loan modification right now and fold my debt back into the loan I would now owe $30k more than what I bought the house for and more than it’s actually worth.

The chances of getting a principal reduction are zero. There are so few foreclosures on the market that mortgage companies have no incentive to give loan modifications at all.

I was told by a lawyer to short sell the house. But that’s not going to happen. The last loan company, who I was working with for over a year to get this resolved, just sold my loan to a new company. I feel I have no choice but keep going forward and try to save my house and the investment I made into it, no matter how long this takes.

And maybe that makes very little sense financially, but I’m completely and totally pot committed and walking away is just not gonna happen.

That’s not to say my hand won’t be forced.

If they deny me the loan mod then I will have zero recourse. But until then I’ll keep pushing this boulder back up the hill.

The main goal is to get the teenager through high school. From there, we will just have to see what happens.

Meanwhile try to save every penny I can. And hope someway, somehow I can keep my house.

I finally started getting used to the idea of living in the basement indefinitely, at least through the pandemic and hopefully until I figured out my next career move. Do I restart my business? Do I just concentrate on the interpretation certification?

Maybe there are better things out there for me. Which seems really far fetched to even hope for.

As long as I don’t have to give the kids to the ex it will all be fine. I don’t think the suicidal one will be able to take that. And I know my nerves won’t either.

It’s just hard not to worry. But…… worrying never brought happiness to anyone’s life. I firmly stand by that. So I must try to live it.

Who knows what the future holds for anyone really. Nothing is guaranteed. More reason than ever to live for today; enjoying the joys present in this moment; and have a grateful heart regardless of the difficulties present.


Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

5 thoughts on “I’m on my way….”

  1. Tough deal, I’ve been there. Eventually lost my house and the whole 9. Still here though. Be present as much as possible, think about the problem backward and hang tough. Your intelligent, you’ll get through.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m wavering nd struggling emotionally. I guess a lot of people are. So……well….so be it. I guess.

      But I’m trying to not let myself sink into this fog and funk. Not a lot to look forward to and feeling very lonely.


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