So I went a bit off tonight.
Did it feel good? Here and there. Yes. It did. I had to stop myself from going into my “yes, but” thing. I had to stop from positing the opposite view, quite a few times.
But the truth is that my default is gratitude. It’s what lets me be happy, even through all the shit.
And no one can take that away from me. My peace of mind is mine own. Outside factors matter, but only so much. So it’s really up to me.
And I wake up every day thanking God for one more day here. I honestly do. I think God twice a day at least. It’s part of my daily meditations. One at bed and one at waking.
And anytime I can be still to do it more I will.
So did I truly mean all I wrote in my diatribe? Yes. These are things I can’t help but think of sometimes or have thought of at some point. It’s part of life. This is all been part of life, my experiences, what I’ve come to see. One side of what I’ve learned to understand about this place.
Do I truly believe that is all there is? No. I absolutely do not.
The truth about humanity is that I still love it madly.
I’ve been helped by so much in life by people. I’ve been loved. I’ve been seen; truly seen. And there is so much good here too, in this world, in humanity. This I truly do believe.