I forgive myself

This one is harder

Because it very much feels harder to forgive myself

I have these high standards in life

because I also have them for myself

And I beat myself up harder than anyone else ever could

Just on the inside

So you don’t see the bruises so easily

But they’re there

Black and blue, raised welts crisscross my entire body

A few spots bleed

I am the caretaker of these wounds

And the ones I inflict myself seem the deepest sometimes

And I flame them repeatedly

It seems

So to forgive myself is monumental

And seems genuinely difficult to do

Because I think to myself if I could go back and change things

There would be so much

Would I go chronologically?

Could I go by most detrimental outcome?

There is just so much regret

So much to feel sorry for and bad about

So much I didn’t even realize was all that bad

And so it goes for most everyone, maybe?

So it goes for me

Yet to forgive is indeed divine.

And I know that in order to let myself be completely myself I need to let sleeping dogs lie. I need to be able to bring the best of myself forward and trust in myself.

Will I make more mistakes? Well…..I can only hope I get the chance to. Not that I want to really, but it seems rather inevitable in life to do so. So why try to hide that fact?

Life passes in the flicker of an eye. But I truly believe in order to make it through this thing, with as much peace and genuine happiness as there is to be had, we need to start with forgiveness, extending it that is.

It’s a necessary thing.

I like to believe that people that are genuinely happy and at peace with themselves and life in general are then benevolent people by nature. And I like to think a world of benevolent people, who are happy and peaceful, would be a wonderful thing.

I’m trying to save the world. I really am but I’m starting with me. I think I’ve still got a long way to go. Lol. These are my ideals. I aspire to be more than I am and yet at the same time utterly, just myself. Perhaps a more vulnerable, caring, genuine version would be cool.


Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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