I used to have a sculpture of a laughing God face. His laugh looked a tiny bit maniacal but I loved that thing. My ex hated it though and somehow it was the only thing destroyed in our move to Oregon.
I was reminded of it this morning. I woke up exhausted. I barely slept. It wasn’t the night sweats. I’ve gotten quite used to those. It was most definitely stress, but a generalized variety. Nothing I can pinpoint exactly.
I probably should not have started up on watching that TV series though. I’m sure that didn’t help. It wasn’t scary, at least not consciously so. But after binge watching 4 segments I literally had to wash my eyes out. They had tiny little white fibers all around them. Literally; like cobwebs.
(Listen…. I can be creative but all these things I talk about in my blogs I couldn’t make up if I wanted to. And I hope by now you’ve all gotten to know me and my obsessive penchant for honesty. Anyways….)
The series was Constantine, based on the comic books and following Keanu Reeves movie by the same title. I loved the movie so I figured why not. I’m not even sure how I caught wind of the series. Before yesterday I didn’t even know it existed. It’s all quite coincidental (as if I believed in coincidences. Lol). As if I hadn’t been thinking and talking about exorcisms lately.
The series was a bit more gory than what I typically watch but I figured maybe I’d learn something. But my whole thing is that while there are cursed and blessed objects and places one doesn’t need these things, if one’s will and connection is strong enough. So I say, right?
So this morning I wake up tired, but make an extra effort to pray and connect to Divinity. And I feel pretty good when I do get out of bed. Only to have the morning be a bit of a catastrophe. All these different events transpired to create chaos and I got frustrated and ended up yelling at one of my kids, bopping the cat on the nose and getting in a text fight with the ex.
And I’m sitting here thinking it’s not even two hours between my blissful moment of connection to God and total emotional upheaval and I am wondering if God is laughing at me. Like seriously none of these things truly matter. Why do I let it get to me?
God, being human is one constant lesson in humility. Isn’t it? Lol