I was talking to my mom last night. Asking her opinion, not because I intend on following it but because she usually gives me her detailed reasoning and I find that it helps me affirm my own desires and opinion better.
I presented her with 3 options:
1) Buy this gorgeous ring I saw on clearance last week. Not being a very materialistic person I can’t tell you how drawn I am to this thing. I can not stop thinking about it. It spoke to me in languages I still don’t even recognize and claimed itself to be mine. But it will be the most expensive piece of jewelry I’ve ever owned. Only surpassed by the wedding ring I will never wear again. Which I still don’t know what to do with.
2) Go to Ohio. I was on the computer looking at flights and stuff and my nosy kids were asking what I was doing so I told them everything. I expected cynicism but I guess they know me better than I do. They encouraged me to go and the little one insists she wants to go with me now. Interestingly she’s the one that when I was showing them some Pranic Healing techniques I had just learned picked up on them very easily and showed great natural talent.
3) Join the more involved webinar series Sarah is putting together, at a hefty price. Which I’m seriously considering. The thing I like about her modality is that it is pragmatic. It isn’t just “dream and it will become real”. It’s “let’s define the dream, look for barriers, plot out a course and then start taking steps towards it”. Which is much more my speed. I’m deeply into intention and manifestation, but I also like to put words and ideas into action.
These all run about the same cost, give or take a bit. I can not possibly do all three. I mean….. it’s a true luxury to just do one right now. So I have to choose.
My mother’s opinion was to ditch the ring, put Ohio on the back burner until money comes through for that and go for the webinar.
She was mildly amused when I told her my 5 year plan, not discouraging, but just didn’t have much to say about it outside of not believing that I (or anyone) could truly make a living as a spiritual guide.
But she’s not in that realm, so I get her lack of awareness. She is right though, in that it isn’t an easy endeavor necessarily but most things in life worth achieving and striving for aren’t all that easy. Are they?
Following this spiritual path hasn’t actually been all that hard. I have been going with the flow between which opportunities were presented and what I felt I could do and wanted to learn more about. It’s been a phenomenal ride so far and it’s just beginning really.
I think I knew what I wanted all along, but I didn’t know how much I wanted it until Sarah made me write it down and commit to it. I really just never gave it credence because it seemed so impossible. And then when I was made to really sit and think about it I was like hold on, yes, I really do want that. And it reaffirmed my own commitment to myself, and to my own happiness.
Who knows what lies ahead? I’m starting to really enjoy this one day at a time thing, just going with the flow of the moment. I still have to learn to let go of my notions of what should be, more. I have to learn to trust in the path set before me, even if I can’t see that far ahead of me and don’t have a map for it. Even if I myself have no idea what will be. I have to learn to enjoy the ride, this ride, my ride in all it’s messy glory.
My mom did ask me something interesting though. She said “why can’t you start doing spiritual guidance now if that’s what you want to do?”. I had to explain that my life, my personal life, is not at a place where I feel comfortable trying to lead people. I feel I would be a huge hypocrite.
My life has some very serious difficulties and some people in it that cause me extreme chaos and pain. And while being spiritual and my connection to Divinity is probably the most profound thing that helps keep me sane and happy, it still feels wrong to try to lead now. Plus I still have a lot I want to learn and see and understand for myself.
But I guess it’s good to have goals. It’s good to have your very own mount Everest to try to achieve. It’s something and it’s more clarity than I’ve had in a while, truthfully. So….I’ll take it. Gratefully ❣️ and see what comes next.