I’ve lived a mostly low to lower-middle income life. My furniture has never all matched or been brand new, except for some Ikea pieces and mattresses. I rarely buy new clothes, opting for garage sale and thrift store finds. I do like real gold jewelry, but I haven’t bought myself a single piece since being divorced.
My expectations in life aren’t maids and Louis Vuitton. At this current rate, I am not sure I’ll be able to retire without help from my children and the government. But as is the custom in hispanic households, I hope to be able to live with one of them. Or even better be able to stay 4 months a year with each of them rotating based on their needs and my comfort.
But that’s a very long way off. To ensure I have a good retirement I better ensure they have a good future ahead of them. Of course this isn’t driven by selfish needs and desires. I really do want the best for them. Better than I’ve had. Which at this point I guess I have somewhat done.
Although their life does unfortunately mimic mine in great part.
I myself went to over 14 different schools in my 11+ years of K-12 schooling, as we moved around often. My mother worked a lot and there were somedays I never saw her at all. My father was mostly MIA. We had some extended family around but we weren’t very close. I was kicked out at 17.
In contrast: my children have also been moved around about every 2-3 years. Living in this house will rival the longest we have ever lived in one place. I have sacrificed so much to be able to work from home so I can be with them, nurture them, watch them grow, be a foundation for them and create a good, stable home. Their father, for better or worse, is very much in the picture. We have extended family here but we rarely see them. I can’t imagine ever kicking my kids out, no matter how much they get on my nerves sometimes.
I am trying to not repeat the past. I am trying so hard to create a good life for them. More than I myself had at least. I am trying my damndest. Am I missing the mark? Here and there, yes. But my intentions and my best efforts are there. And if we have to keep living a mix and match life that’s ok with me. As long as we keep living it together.
I was an only child. My childhood was horribly lonely. I remember crying myself to sleep so many days and nights. And while I can’t make it all easy or make their lives perfect and I see and sense their suffering sometimes; at least they know they have each other and me and I have them. And that’s good enough. That’s more than good enough for me.