Oregon is trying to pass a law that legalizes psilocybin as an antidepressant. I am super excited about this and hope it passes. I want to try it for myself and possibly also for my daughter. She’s suicidal, whereas I just need healing of these internal demons that haunt me so much. I also think it has the added benefit of strengthening the connection one has to spirit.
We will see.
I’m feeling a bit lost right now. I don’t want to rehash why. I don’t want to even look at my behavior right now. I think I just need to find a place to lick my wounds and hunker down for a bit. I need to figure out how to minimize my own negative behavior patterns.
I was trying to think of where would be a convenient place close by that I would feel safe walking around in my skin. The high school track but that seems so boring just going around in circles. I guess I can walk there, which is about a 30 minute walk and then see how far I can sprint around the track once. Maybe if I try to do this every day I can get to the point I can actually start jogging again. Need to lose 25 lbs first or my knees will be complaining, but walking with a goal is good and walking one hour a day should help me lift some of this weight off, hopefully.
I always used to say walking was for type B personalities and jogging for type A. I used to find walking without a purpose beyond exercise excruciatingly boring. But now with age and necessity I’ve reconsidered this stance. Me and my high horse stand corrected.
I really need to figure out something meaningful to do with myself. I need to figure out a way to be accountable to myself.
I’m thinking maybe I should start feeding the homeless again when the kids are gone with their father. Maybe this time I can do it in the daylight. Last time I did it at night to be sure I wasn’t inadvertently confusing anyone with being homeless but I think there are enough places, encampments, etc. I can find homeless people in during the day.
Maybe I can look at doing some volunteer work. Something….. I have to do something. This thinking I can manage my bad habits and anxiety on my own is not working at all. And I don’t have a tether to hold onto. See….
The thing I most hated about being a kid was the lack of control over my own life. I wasn’t allowed to make any decisions and I felt very frustrated and resentful. Now as an adult I have to make decisions constantly but I don’t have the support I had as a child. Even if it was bad support, even if it didn’t fulfill my needs I had people and places that cared and I felt I belonged.
And now besides my children and my home I feel completely anchorless. And while that’s a great movie appeal; the lone warrior. In reality it sucks. It sucks big, crusty, old, smelly donkey balls.
This is what I love so much about energy healing, Pranic Healing, Reiki, etc. You can heal without having to go through the agony of 100 therapy sessions of spilling out your guts over and over and revisiting childhood issues, behavioral issues, skeletons, trauma, etc. etc. You just heal.
While not everyone can heal and especially not necessarily in one session, it is possible.
I really need to figure this out.
What’s the saying “doctor, heal thyself” or in my case “healer, heal thyself”.
Ok. Come on. Buck up. Carry on. Let’s go. You got this. Keep going forward. Breath.
Be still and know God❣️
It will sink in. It’s got to.
today’s theme song – Pure and Simple, Lightening Seeds