I was telling Jay-lyn how I have to do my laundry at a laundromat now that Brad and I are done. I’m a bit of a germophobe so this is a struggle for me. Nothing bringing my own high powered disinfectant won’t solve I suppose.
I guess right now I’m just feeling a tiny bit defeated, lost and sorry for myself. I don’t know why exactly. I’ve got some wins under my belt. The loan modification meeting went really well and I’m feeling very confident about keeping my house. So as long as I have reliable renters upstairs all is good there.
My youngest is starting in a school pod, which we are both really excited about. I’m managing to keep all 3 of my kids intact. They go to sleep under a warm roof, not hungry and wake up rested. Parenting goals met!
We’re starting to eat less junk food and work on some projects. Jill gave me a lead for a naturopaths office that may want to have a colon hydrotherapist in house, mind you at potentially her own cost because they give her lots of clients. I can’t tell you how truly grateful I am to have such kind people in my life.
I went to sleep last night telling myself I am not going to question or second guess Divinity. I am just going to graciously accept its offerings of love in this world to me. I do not have to ask myself if I am worthy. I do not have to question kismets motives. I simply have to be grateful and pay it forward when I can.
I was also thinking of my future last night as I lay in bed and I was feeling like a kid that runs off a dock full speed into a murky river or lake. I feel like my life is suspended in that moment when you are under the water and you open your eyes and you have to orient yourself to where you are and where you want to be. Only I’m not quite sure about either of those two things right now.
I feel like my life is at that moment when my eyes are just barely starting to open and it’s all still very disorienting.
So I didn’t get the 911 job. So my unemployment is being stopped and adjudicated. They are looking at if I even qualified for unemployment in the first place. Which I honestly don’t see how I could not, but then again I did just turn down a part-time temporary job. So 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️. As long as they don’t come after the money they already gave me fine.
So…….yea. Gonna just take it easy on myself here, get my bearings. Wait to figure out where I am and where I want to go. It may not be where I end up, but it’s good to have goals or some kind of road map. Isn’t it? Honestly I’m not even sure about that anymore. But let’s just say it is and go with that. 😂🤷🏽♀️🤔