I don’t generally do this sort of thing. 5 years is a long time and it’s hard to forsee tomorrow, let alone 1,825 tomorrow’s from now.
But I called my mom. She has pneumonia again; 4 times now. I never give her any advice because she doesn’t believe me. She tries to listen, but in her heart she doesn’t trust me. In her mind I’ll always be a little snot nosed girl that she beats at Scrabble, even though she doesn’t beat me that much anymore.
So I was telling her about Breatharianism and she told me that I was absolutely not allowed to try that until the girls were self sufficient. I think it’s because she wants nothing to do with my children and God knows no one want them with their father, not even him. So that leaves just me really and she finds it very irresponsible of me to even think of doing something that might kill me.
I laughed because I honestly hadn’t really given it too much thought. I had no concrete plans of doing it. But just the fact that she was taunting me made me want to stick to my guns about it. So we agreed that in 5 years, when my youngest is 12, I am allowed to try the protocol. By then my oldest will be 22, and can be legal guardian if need be.
Not that I’m foreshadowing my own demise, rather I’m being the left brain planner my mother likes to see. So this essentially means I have 5 years of freedom.
5 years to work exclusively on myself. I can be as big as a house. I can take up chewing tabbaco. Shave my head bald. Go back on Gerson or become a hardcore vegan or maybe try my hand at raw. I have 5 years of trying anything I want to do and trying on anyone I want to be, within legal and semi-logical reason.
Because if my goal is to stop eating in 5 years as a personal spiritual quest, and I have that as my new goal post, it changes everything.
It takes all the wind out of the sail of coupling, marriage, and a family dynamic. Because I can’t imagine any sane, logical person following me on this path, or being supportive of such a thing. So that releases me completely from even trying.
It gives me permission to really go for it. Really set myself up to be spiritually aligned in life with my own ideals, with the signs I get from Divinity.
Because now I absolutely don’t have to worry about being “a catch”. I don’t have to worry if my legs are shaved and my hair is on point, if my makeup is subtle and attractive but not distracting. I don’t have to worry if my BMI is suitable and that my clothes silhouette my hour glass figure to its full potential. I don’t have to be prim, proper, womanly, soft, sweet, easy-going, or humoring.
I can just be me, in whatever way that shows up at any given moment. I feel very, very liberated right now. And it all came about because my mother didn’t want me to do something I wasn’t even sure I wanted to do in the first place.
It’s all very comical really and I’m not going to tell her how she pushed me instead of dissuaded me, because then she’ll have confirmation that maybe I still am that snot nosed kid, only grown a bit more to rebellious teenage level now, and we really can’t let her be right. 😂😂😂