Dreaming about the possibilities

I’ve qualified to move on with the 911 job. Interviews will be towards the end of the month.

I’m slowly starting to save money and pay down my credit card. I am procrastinating on buying a new computer because it’s an expense that while I need to make I really don’t want to.

And I woke up wondering what to do with my studio space once we get back in the house.

I suppose it depends what my financial picture looks like then. So all I can do now is formulate different options.

I can turn this bedroom into a red room and rent it out on Airbnb. However if I’m working and not home for over 12 hours, 4 days a week, that may not be the safest option.

I can lease it out, but I’m really not enjoying being a landlord as it is now, so I can’t see how that would be much different.

I can turn it back into a colon hydrotherapy clinic, but that will depend on what the economy looks like and how my colleagues are faring. Since I’ve been closed I’ve only had 5 people reach out for services.

But also, I was only averaging about $2k a month with that business and I need to bring home at least twice that to cover my expenses and that is with alimony and child support needed as well.

I will be losing some child support this year when the eldest turns 18 and I only have a few years left of alimony, so I need to start preparing to live without it.

Still…. life is so much more bearable to me when I can dream some part of the day away with unlimited possibilities of what the future might bring.

What does the world need? What would be of the most use for this space? What would be a win/win?

I’ll just keep dreaming things up. You never know where your imagination will take you, if you let it❣️


It’s hard to on the one hand be truly grateful for the life I have and on the other deeply feel and fully see the inequality, inhumanity and injustices of the world.

Knowing we are capable of so much goodness. Knowing we are capable of so much love and compassion. Knowing how much better off we are working together. How much we could accomplish if we stopped taking sides and being selfish and worked towards the greater good of all humanity and the entire world.

It is a hard pill to swallow knowing we are capable of so many privileges and powers we aren’t accessing because we aren’t taught to see and understand them.

Take our psychic abilities, they lay mostly dormant and are purposefully squelched at worst and deeply misunderstood at best.

Take our innate abilities to connect to each other and God. They seem to be held at bay by religions that tell you there is only one special way to access “heaven”. When heaven is here, available now, to each and every one of us through the omnipotent power of love.

There is so much in life we are needlessly blinded to. There is so much we are capable of. We humans are such brilliant, beautiful, powerful creatures. And yet society pushes us into these narrow little boxes telling us more about what we can’t do then the truth of what we can do.

I cry so much over this. Because I can see so clearly how life doesn’t have to be this way. And yet I have no choice but to accept it as it is, in order for me to find peace within myself.

It’s the strangest and worst juxtaposition I can think of.

And all I can do is just to keep being me, keep speaking my truth, keep trying to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. Keep trying to free the world from the shackles of fear and hatred, by showing that there are other ways to live. Better ways.

And have compassion for those that are not willing, able, or wanting to see it for themselves.

What else is there?

My deepest intention and desire is for us all to be truly free and deeply happy and that comes not necessarily easily, because we are purposefully misguided from the simplest, truest path to that inner freedom and peace but I still find it worthwhile challenging myself to find it and hopefully making a difference in this world by doing so.


Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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